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Im feeling suicidal.

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  • Im feeling suicidal.

    Everything is in the title, i dont know what to do.. I'm one year post lasik and i have done so much shit <ith my eyes during this year ( honey , ricin oil ). My mother and i cannot communicate anymore. I need to find a job to pay my attempt in Spain but i dont find the strenght. I feel empty so empty , i only want to sleep and never wake up.. My life is becoming madness. I Take 5 temesta / lorazepam / dday just to handle the pain. The horror in this is i have a good tbut and a quiet normal schirmer around 13. I have de-centered flap and i feel them de-centered. I dont even know if Dr Alio could do something about that. I dont care anymore. I already tried to take my life with Chloroquine ( i took 10gr to have a heart attack) , it didt work but i hope this time it will.
    thank you for listening a damned soul

  • #2
    Hi peter,

    You seriously need to calm down a bit.
    C'mon. It's only a year. it's still early on and the odds are are that your situation will probably improve vastly in the near future.
    If your tbut and schirmers are somewhat normal and you're in a lot of pain it could be that you have something what is called corneal neuralgia and there are treatment options for that. Also see the boston eyepain foundation website of dr. Perry Rosenthal. Lots of useful information there.
    Since you live in Belgium we probably speak the same language ( or do you speak french?). We could communicate over the phone if you would like that. No problem. I can send you my cell phone number in a pm. Meanwhile please don't do stupid things and talk to somebody. Anybody who is near you at the moment.
    Hang in there. Things will get better..

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    • #3
      I agree with Patrick about corneal neuralgia. There are drugs to help that. Please call or see your primary care doctor, and tell him how you feel. We are here for you, and there are so many people who have conquered this problem. I am not well, but much better than five years ago. I do know how you feel. Please call your doctor or his exchange if it is after hours. Tell them how you feel. Big hug. Things will get better.

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      • #4
        Peter I am so sorry for what you're going through. So sorry. And so glad you're reaching out for support. I always cringe a bit when I see someone at that particular period - one year out from surgery with those kinds of problems - because emotionally, I KNOW that's the most difficult period. I don't know if it helps to hear it but severe depression and suicidal thoughts are quite normal for people going through this. Depression is, to the best of my understanding, a normal physiological response to extreme stress and post LASIK complications involve stress of many types at once - and strangely enough it really is harder in some ways when there aren't any major clinical signs.

        One of the most important things to know is that it really, really, really doesn't last. The physical problems don't stay the same and the body's state of shock and emotional response don't stay the same. Hundreds of people have come through these forums having gone through the same kind of wretched first year or two after LASIK...and are back now to living life fully... so do please try to remind yourself that this won't last. And definitely make use of any and all resources for dealing with depression that you can. Medication, talk therapy, alternative medicine, whatever floats your boat but use it... Sometimes in those first year or two it doesn't seem like anything helps the eyes. That's the time when it's important to start focusing on dealing with the depression directly.

        If there's anything I can do personally, please let me know... We have some articles here about how hard this is for people (like the thread A Dark Dark Place) sometimes people have found it helpful to print them and give them to their family to help them understand. Email, call, reach out to other patients here... local suicide hotline if there is one... just keep reaching out, and know that we all care.
        Rebecca Petris
        The Dry Eye Zone

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