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  • Pain is cruel ...

    I have been posting a lot lately ... perhaps I am bored. I am on day 3 of 2 weeks off of work. Hoping two weeks off will help my situation and I can go back to work. My theory is that work hurts my eyes (more) ... so if I take off and get out of pain - and then go back to work - I feel I will be in pain again. And can conclude that work is a major contributing factor (the computer).

    My corneal doctor (Hamrah) assures me that is not the case as long as I wear my glasses. I am wearing my custom made wiley-x sunglasses now - and they are fogging up - so they are working. I disagree with my doctor and I told him that.

    My neurologist on the other hand agrees that the continued use of a computer screen and the stress of work is contributing and making my pain worse. He does agree with Hamrah that I am not harming my eyes.

    My pain doctor (yup, like many of you have many doctors "now") does not think two weeks off will do much good. She thinks 2 months is needed - and I agree with her. I do think I will end up back on short term disability and I already told my employer that - so it will not be a surprise to them.

    I still do not understand why the f-ck I am still in aggravating pain every f-c-ing day though. I wear these ridiculous glasses (although the sunglasses are a little cool) all the time. I have not read anything really (like a magazine or a book) in many many months. I do not watch TV, I am using the computer for maybe a half hour (to visit this site).

    But, every day the pain comes. And it lasts for hours ... and yes sometimes I do get a break during the day and I guess I am grateful for that. I know some people don't get a break and they deal with this BS while they sleep. Honestly don't know how someone could possible do that.

    Sometimes the Oxycodone helps - I think for the most part it does help. I do not think the extended morphine they put me on is doing anything. But, my doctor told me it could take a weeks for it to work, to get into the blood stream. I was supposed to be on the extended release of Oxycodone, but my insurance denied it. So I am on morphine - which is old school and cheap.

    So anyway - the pain. It's very cruel. Whoever is doing this to us (God??) - they are very very, deeply cruel.

    And, as you know - eye pain is very different then other pain, like a headache or a pain in your leg. Perhaps because the cornea has the most concentration of nerves in the human body ...

    I have received many posts and PM's ... lot's of folks tell me it does get better with "time". And 2 years seems to be a major milestone. I also, know someone like Rebecca would not count on any milestones and that everyone is different.

    So it's been 20+ months for me. I guess we will see what the next couple months bring. Things have definitely gotten better in terms of what is going on in my head. I finally came to terms with this - which has taken a long time. I no longer think about the past or worry about the future... like when will this all just go away. It will never go away. I do realize I will need to "manage" this for the rest of my life.

    I am not sure how I will manage this type of pain though for the rest of my life. I am not sure how anyone is expected to do that. The pain will need to change ...it can't continue to be this bad.

    Well time to eat and take all my pills

    Cheers,
    Tom

  • #2
    I just can't believe all of this is happening to you. I am so sorry. At least you can vent on this forum where we all can relate and understand. I just feel for you and empathize.

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    • #3
      Oh Tom I really feel for you, I hope you find some relief soon.

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      • #4
        Hi Tom,

        Today I thought about you. My dark lenses Wley-X arrived, and this time they were very expensive because they put federal taxes on it. The taxes were more than the price I paid for the Wiley-X! But now I can go outdoors in much more comfort. I remembered you because I was thinking how I would get upset losing that so important tool to carry on our lives.
        Great you found yours.

        I only can try to imagine the pain you have. I have burning feeling but not that kind of pain I think you have.

        Well, in my case, of course, computer doesn't make good to my eyes, but by far it is not the worse thing in my workplace. The AC makes my eyes much worse than the computer screen.
        I use some softwares at work and at home that diminishes the brightness od the screen.

        Notebooks are worse because the screen usually stays closer to our eyes.

        I think I'm a little better psychologically speaking. I think I'm dealing better with the fact that my life has changed forever and I will have to deal with my limitations, "piains" etc.
        I'm better of my chronic fatigue (an outcome of the dry eyes, I guess), but still very instable in this energy field.

        I wish this bad time you are living through goes away soon as possible.
        Last edited by bakunin; 16-May-2013, 14:02.

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        • #5
          Hi Tom,
          If I had the power, this would be gone for you and all of us. For now, all you can do is try your best. I'm sure you're sick of sitting in drs offices. As far as ex. release oxy goes, have you used this? if you find it's better for you than the generic morphine, I think your doctor might contact drug co. cite "medically necessary for oxy" and see if they'll pay for it then. Wishing you improvement every day.

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          • #6
            I can't imagine the pain you are in Tom. Maybe it was the same amount of pain I was in in January? No way I could use the computer back then.

            I had to take 2 months off before I even felt comfortable approaching a computer screen, and even now I am still limiting myself and healing up. I think I was dealing with a combo of severe eye strain & dry eye.

            I work freelance and have a decent cushion of money in the bank, so I have been off for almost 4 months now. I'm trying to get back to work now (I work in TV, looking at the computer for 8-hrs a day minimum), but I still don't think I'm safely back to my working status. The eyes take SO long to heal.

            My thought would be try to get that two months off if you can. I wish you luck man.
            32/M ATD Getting better every day!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by MartyM1985 View Post
              I can't imagine the pain you are in Tom. Maybe it was the same amount of pain I was in in January? No way I could use the computer back then.

              I had to take 2 months off before I even felt comfortable approaching a computer screen, and even now I am still limiting myself and healing up. I think I was dealing with a combo of severe eye strain & dry eye.

              I work freelance and have a decent cushion of money in the bank, so I have been off for almost 4 months now. I'm trying to get back to work now (I work in TV, looking at the computer for 8-hrs a day minimum), but I still don't think I'm safely back to my working status. The eyes take SO long to heal.

              My thought would be try to get that two months off if you can. I wish you luck man.
              I am in the same boat. I did take 2 months and half of a break but it wasnt enough im pretty surprised thats how much time it takes to heal. As for me i can stay off the computer but i get so bored, no time killers and tv too. In september i may go back to school so this is horrible, i need a break and vacation but i would still need my iphone. its only a guy like you that could understand you know? haha. Any friend or relative would be like just shut up and use your iphone and stop....and you are like no... but my eyes!!!!

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              • #8
                Thanks guys, for the replies. You know what seems to work for me ... crying. Which I do daily ... the tears feel good.

                I also try to play a lot of basketball with my kids. Right now I am going to go paint my sons room ... at least start the prep.

                Thanks again for the nice replies. I will be thinking of you as well dryeye4ever...

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                • #9
                  Tommy, I picture all of us who have been where you are... driving along anxiously scanning the side of the road for one of those damn mile markers. Come on, I've been driving for bleeping EVER! Surely one is in sight by now!!!!

                  Till we discover that milestones are magic: they only become visible in the rear view mirror.

                  May your next one show up in that magic mirror soon, soon, soon!
                  Rebecca Petris
                  The Dry Eye Zone

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by tommyboy View Post
                    Thanks guys, for the replies. You know what seems to work for me ... crying. Which I do daily ... the tears feel good.
                    Tommyboy - Please don't cry... for so many reasons! Have you tried sitting in bright sunshine with your eyes shut? That's what I love. It makes my eyes water without stinging (as opposed to, say, cutting onions). There's a wonderful wetness that has no backlash (physical or mental) for me.

                    All the best,
                    Sheila

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                    • #11
                      Have not tried that Sheila. The sunshine in my eyes is like the devil for me - even with the darkest lenses they make

                      I will keep my eye peeled for those mile markers Rebecca. I can tell you ... those mile markers saved my life once, literally. I was driving on the thruway, up to see my girlfriend at Siena college - who is now my wife. Anyway, I was driving a big ass bronco - the big one. I had the heat on, the sunroof open, the music absolutely blaring... and the cruise control on. I was in heaven ... I was driving merrily along and I nodded off. And then I started hearing these thuds, one after the other. Thud, thud, thud ... which I thought was part of a dream I was in... but then I woke and I noticed I was off the road, on the shoulder, running those little mile markers down (they have them every 10th of a mile). And I was heading towards an embankment ... so I jammed the brakes on in a panic. The ABS kicked in and I quickly came to a stop as I ran down the last mile marker. I looked back to see close to a dozen of these mile markers bent over. So - someone was definitely watching over me at the time. Without a doubt. They saved my life. I wonder where they are now???

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                      • #12
                        SPMCC - I don't cry because I am depressed. I cry because my eye's friggin hurt that much. The pain sometimes comes on very slowly and sometimes very very quickly, like this morning. Ya - I am a grown man, not afraid of ANYTHING, not afraid to die, but when my eyes hurt a lot, I can't help to hold back the tears.

                        And then when I cry, I do get a little bit emotional - and then it all passes. I went through this with my pain doctor ... she told me this is bad, and I need to practice breathing exercises, which I never really do...

                        Thanks for your suggestion and your help,
                        Tom

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