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I feel like doing suicide...

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  • I feel like doing suicide...

    Hi all.... I feel like my only way to get relief from this disease is suicide... I keep thinking about it more and more. All I do is sleep... I've buggered up my entire life due to computer use... 3 years ago... I don't know how to cope... no source of money income... I wont be able to hold a job out... My eyes are so red and uncomfortable that I feel my only way of relief is suicide... My dad commuted suicide when I was 12 now I feel like my only way of achieving relief is suicide. I'm so angry that there aren't more effective treatments for low oil in the eyes.... I'm only 20 and I don't want to live this way for the rest of my life....... nor can I wait x amount of years for a cure. All I'm doing is sleeping recently to avoid my red dry eyes.... no one on here seems to get relief from mgd. At least very few people do... I'm so angry with the research on dry eyes I'd expect to get this at 40 or something not 20 years earlier!!!! My eyes are not normal and will never be normsl. I can't afford ipl e-eye or whatever else.... this chronic disease has taken away my white eyes my happiness my comfort........ I've only coped for 3 years and I dunno if I can hold out to my opthamologist appointment.... I don't know if whatever they give me will help or not but by going how other treatments worked.... nope.... probably not. I'm just sleeping in bed being useless my mum thinks I should get a job... All I wanted was to get a job in graphic design get a house car pets ect...... now I can barely get through a day of my eyes being dry.... is there any hope in he'll I will overcome this and get my comfort back in my eyes? I need hope..... I wish ml-7 was released it would help so many.. I'm scared of death but it feels like my only option for relief at the minute. I keep searching up about death and wondering what it's like. I'm scared but I haven't gotten relief.... sorry for so many posts..... how do i go on living like this??? Not many people have gotten completely better... I'm so so so tired of treating this without any more relief.. . My eyes have gotten a tiny bit better but not enough for relief. I can't find any more reason to go on like this... I've tried so many treatments with no relief like many of you... I'm just so angry at myself and feel like suicide is my last option... no body cares enough to cure dry eyes completely... I have no social life and hate myself over computer use... I feel guilty because no one warned me... I'm so depressed and just sleeping so gran tells me to live with it my mum doesn't understand.... only you guys do... It's 12 days to my appointment each day seems to drag in... is there any way of controlling this disease as it's controlling my life and I want an easy way out even if I'm scared to hell.... I'm so tired of my eyes being red and dry.... I have no life anymore. Death seemsvliks my friend and only way out. I know I have one life but I screwed my one up with this disease. I have no other half no other source of money .. And certainly no hope in defeating this. I doubt I'll go to uni because of it...... :/ Help??? I can't deal with it anymore.... I want out.... I'm scared but.... :/

  • #2
    Epic jinx, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know how horrible this feeling is and the toll it takes on yourself.

    I came down with this a year and a half ago with severe dry eye symptoms and searched what felt like the entire internet for hope and answers. I'll share what has helped with me.

    1) Watch this video: This woman is a naturopath who suffered severe illness for many years and talks about how to get through illness and gives hope no matter what the disease.

    2) My eye doctors were not much help and showed no encouragement which left me feeling hopeless. So through this forum I found this woman, Sara, at who had come down with severe dry eye close to your age. She advocates using functional medicine to heal the eyes.

    3) I found a functional medicine dr. who took all sorts of blood tests to look for imbalances such as food sensitivities . This Dr. put me on a personalized diet to bring down inflammation in the body along with supplements. Since I was using this program as a last resort, I was shocked that it helped as much as it did. My eyes are much more manageable now. Caffeine and sugar were two of the triggers that aggravate my eyes. I also no longer depend on eye drops which I used to use constantly.

    4) Don't give up!!! I found that in my normal everyday life not a single person could understand just how bad eye pain can be. I had to focus on the stories of people online who understood and got through it. Listening to health podcasts also helped keep me positive. The Model Health Show is a really good one too.

    Hugs to you!!


    • #3
      I have spoken to sara personally but I can only afford maybe one treatment then that's it as I do not get any more money... I'm just feeling hopeless as no money income and I don't know if my mum will listen to me if I tell her about it.


      • #4
        I think you can do this on your own if needed. Here is a link to a really good book that outlines the diet plan I basically used. The diet is to help decrease inflammation giving you some relief.

        This book also helps you decide what supplements to use.

        Could you do one appointment with Sara so she could get you started in the right direction?

        You could show your mum this site so she can see how serious this condition is...she probably has no idea.

        Hang in there, I believe you can get relief!


        • #5
          Epicjinx, every day you make it through is a testament of your strength and ability to get through this. As you wait for your appointment at the eye hospital, if you have to sleep to get through the day, that's ok, that might be what you need right now. I had many days when I did the same.

          You mention no one in this forum seems to get relief from MGD, but I think it seems like that because many who have found relief are no longer active participants. Besides myself, there are several who have shared what worked for them under the "Dry Eye Triumphs" forum, as well as in the other forums. You'll notice more advanced solutions like sclerals, autologous serum tears, ikervis, diet changes, plugs, etc. provided relief, and also more unique treatments for some. MGD and dry eye can be caused by various reasons, and each person is different, so it can take time, determination, and patience to resolve.

          Your appointment at the eye hospital is coming up soon, and they will recommend which of the more advanced treatments are suited for you. Up until now, your optometrist has only offered initial standard dry eye treatments, most which have not been sufficient for many of us in this forum. So there is still a lot out there to try, including diet changes as I've mentioned in your other threads and jinxie recommends.

          When you go to your appointment at the eye hospital with your mum, it may be beneficial to share with the specialist and your mum how you are feeling about your situation. It's important for the specialist and your mum to know this.

          Epicjinx, there are many people, including myself, who have gone through this difficult period you are experiencing, it's common to feel this way at some point. Know that I truly care about you, and am here for you. I think several in this forum feel the same. So hang in there.


          • #6
            Thanks Jynxie I've debated about it with sara as I'm suppose to go to university in September but can barely stay awake long enough to eat some food or watch tv or anything. I apologise for posting so much, I did do something very stupid I tried to OD on paracetamol and now I'm trying to keep liquids down. I eventually told my mum... I'm sorry for many posts....


            • #7
              Hokucat I love your positivity it's something I struggle with at the minute. I'm trying to make better choices for my diet being no coffee or many sugary things or crisps ect. And been eating more fish, including my fish oil tablets. Can't say diet change is easy comparing to my usual crisps chocolate energy drinks ECT.... I am planning to tell them alot that is the easy part... I think but I don't want to come off rude, towards them. I just keep meaning towards it won't help me due to everything else not helping. I think I may get back to sara even if it's just one treatment it may help? The other point is I'm having to pay rent and because of I'm in the house over the summer my mum expects 240 off me and I'm just desperate to try anything it hope that it helps relieve my eyes a bit. As one thing I certainly haven't done is detox as I thought I tried alot. I liked the look of it, but my only trouble would be is keeping up with payments and I've thought about going on disability to get some money. Your posts hokucat I could seriously hug you and others. I like being on here because others understand unlike my family. I'm like most looking for relief, I'm not faraway but it feels like miles away!


              • #8
                I don't blame you for feeling the way that you do. This condition has not gotten nearly the amount of attention or care that it deserves, and we're suffering for it.

                It angers me that so many of us have these ridiculously long laundry lists of treatments that we have to do every day for our eyes, only to still have pain despite the effort. I've experienced constant burning and painful light sensitivity every day since November 2015 and there hasn't been a day where it's stopped.

                But I do think there is hope. Dry eye is affecting a lot more people than it used to, especially the younger population. I feel that the rising prevalence will mean that more attention is brought to us, and that there will be work towards curative solutions instead of the awful eye drops that provide fleeting relief.

                I'm sorry you're suffering so much, but please don't blame yourself. I didn't even know dry eye was anything other than a temporary feeling when your eyes are tired. No one really warned us because a lot of people don't know about how devastating it can be.


                • #9
                  Hi blue! It's been a while hasn't it? Nice to see your comment. Not spoken to you in a while, that first line I totally agree with. I've shared the petition on YouTube videos, and when my own Facebook profile and managed to get two more to sign! I even put it back on here for new comers to sign it. I'm kinda touchy about how slow the signatures are, considering there are millions of us suffering? It would be good to keep posting it everywhere. I'm sorry about your symptoms blue, I actually got mines under control I'm not sure how it's just Redness, itchy, dry, and very rarely burning. I use to get burning/stinging eyes in my first year of dry eyes it's gotten slightly better. What about using cold compresses and drops? I don't have a great oil layer but my symptoms have lowered as it's gotten better. How is yours? This maybe why you have burning symptoms. I do feel sorry for your symptoms not being under control. I agree it's a growing problem I'm already in about 3 groups online for dry eyes. Been told my options are punctual plugs (I'm mgd so won't help) and lenses but I haven't tried the other things. Ikervis, doxycycline he refused to prescribe a strong steroid dex (can't remember the name)..? Yeah guilt plays a huge part of my dry eyes no one told me it could be inflicted by computer use. It's gotten a bit better but not enough as I wait out the days to my appointment. My mum has taken care of me since my stupid attempt, all I wish is relief at some point and for others too.


                  • #10
                    Hi Epicjinx. If you feel strongly Sara can get you in the right direction with detox and diet better than you can on your own, so much that it would be worth using the limited money you have for one session, go with your gut. If anything, that book jinxie recommended seems like a good guide in itself, if you cannot afford the one consult.

                    If you have severely blocked glands or scar tissue, you may need to get treatment for that (probing, IPL, Lipiflow, gland expression, etc.) in order to get optimum results from detox and diet changes, or any other treatments. Make sure the specialist at the eye hospital checks your glands, and ask whether those or any other treatments would be options to address your MGD. The sclerals only help the dry eye symptoms, not the cause.

                    Also, wanted to share this info Rebecca has in the encyclopedia section of this website, in case you have not already read it. There's lots of good info in her encyclopedia.


                    Lastly, am giving you a big "air hug" right now from here in California! Am glad your mum is taking care of you now. I'm sure she cares and is concerned about you. I think it will help her start to better understand, once she goes to see the specialist with you.


                    • #11
                      Once I get out of hospital I'm going to give it a go I think. My mum is going to start making me go to the gym, and getting me out more. I'll ask what more can be done for mgd because fish oil doesn't seem to do much for my oil glands and fixing allergies makes it a tiny bit better but not much better. So I'll have to wait apparently one of the doctors will get the opthamologist to come to me hopefully they have one in the hospital. But not too sure when. It's annoying treating mgd and not much works I don't know apart from allergies anymore existing inflammation is about.


                      • #12
                        Hi epicjinx
                        How was your visit? Did dr tell you causes/problems and offer treatment plans?
                        I hope your eyes feel better.

                        Fish oil: NOT all supplements are the same. Seems flaxseed is effective too.
                        Last edited by MGD1701; 03-Aug-2017, 16:01.


                        • #13
                          Hi epicjinx do you still visit this forum?


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