I've gone insane.

[NeedHealing631]

There really is no other way to describe it. About 5 years ago, I got my 1st case of pink eye. Just staying up all night, having lens in too much. I used to keep them in so long. So yea 5 years ago and I didnt take that as clue. I got infection and it went away after 1 day. Then jan 2008 was when I went to get new script and DR wouldnt write it because my eyes looked bad. This was wall mart DR so, I went to old eye DR and he wrote script for me. This was 1st time getting accuvue. I THOUGHT MY PROBLEMS WERE OVER!!! I used to wear the old kind of soft lens that got dried out. The accuvue fit better, stayed moist. Too bad my problem was having them in everyday for 11 years. I SHOULD HAVE RESTED EYES. Here I am, 1 year 3 months later with RED, DRY, ITCHY eyes!!!!!
My script is -10 so I get to wear awesome 1/2" thick, 1 OZ goggles(glasses) I have been on restatsis for 4 months(Im still on the 1st box because this stuff is expensive and stings). Now at least when I wake up the eye isnt glued shut. At least now, I dont use clear eyes drops. I can put in lens with out the ITCH ITCH that was driving me insane. I can put them in, they feel OK, dont even need drops to make them white. But, I still cant wear them for more then 2 hours before they are dried! What kinda idiot does this to himself? Im practically blind!!! i want to go do things!! I wanna leave the house and just go!!!! Im stuck inside my house with horrible glasses. Who's fault is this? MINE, I cant blame anyone else besides myself. I cant help but think back all those times people comment on my red eyes!!!!! At some point I had a bottle of clear eyes in my pocket all the time because I needed to keep them white. Too bad those drops dry out eye so bad! There's no other way to describe it, Ive gone insane. It's like grinding my teeth, pulling out my hair, crying WHY? Who the hell would wear plastic on their eye for 11 years? Because Im afraid to look bad with glasses? i was home most nights anyway! The whole time with eyes that stung like lemon juice in my F-ing eye. 9 out of 10 people on this forum who went from contacts to glasses are probably fine with this change. My glasses are too thick! How can someone be so stupid to not prevent this! I put in lens and they itch so bad, I WANT THEM IN. I WANT TO SEE WITH OUT HUGE GLASSES.
WHY?????????????

[Rebecca Petris]

OK.

You've blown off steam about your feelings.

Now.

Is there something, anything, that would make you feel better?

A miracle cure? You can always talk to the big guy upstairs.

An answer as to whether you're going insane and what to do about it if so?See a psychiatrist. I say that in all seriousness, not tongue in cheek. A large percentage of people here have needed mental health care at some point in their eye struggles.

Thinner glasses? That's easy (given a little time & money). Get a decent optican who SURELY - as others here with equally high prescriptions have pointed out when you have previously posted the same whine - can make you glasses that are thinner and good looking.

Safe contacts or eye whitening drops? Sigh, out of luck on that one.

A chance to wipe out the past? Ditto.

A place to keep blowing off steam? You're here.

Somebody kinder, more sympathetic, more patient than me? Fortunately there are LOTS of them right here in this forum.

[odydnas]

Seriously, like we've said MANY times, my prescription is exactly like yours and with a good pair of frames and a 1.74 high index lens plus the works, my glasses are less than 1/4 inch. They are thinner than a LOT of people's glasses I've seen who's script is WAY lower than mine. Is it perfect? No. Do I wish I could wear contacts? Yes. I could make several posts whining about this, but that's not gonna magically fix my problem. I hope you realize you're not the only one with this problem.

Besides, the nerdy look is so trendy right now. If there is ever a time when it is actually cool to wear glasses and people w/ no script wears frames as an accessory, it's now. GO FIND A GOOD OPTICIAN. AND A GOOD EYE DOCTOR.

It also sounds like you've had some improvement w/ your eyes. Any small progress is great! These things take time. Maybe you won't be stuck in glasses forever. Focus on fixing your eyes. And probably finding a good mental health professional too.

You've learned the hard way not to abuse your eyes with contacts. You can't turn back time and prevent this from happening. So try to move on and change your focus on reversing the damage the best you can instead of your past CLs use. This forum has a ton of tips and information, so since you're not leaving the house anyway, you have a lot of time to start learning how to treat your eyes better.

[NeedHealing631]

I could make several posts whining about this,

Why would there be this section of the forums if Im just whining? Don't like my post, dont read it. Maybe If i was born with normal healthy eyes I would still be whining about something else on another forum. But I was born with horrible eyes so excuse me while I whine about it.

[Rebecca Petris]

NeedHealing,

I got a little annoyed today at your posts, mostly because of the way you ignore the advice about glasses presented by people who are in the same situation as you with regards the high prescription. So I let loose a little, and even used the word whining when I almost never do here.

But I'm going to go back to what I think is a much more important point. You've indicated you're suffering from extreme emotional distress about your eyes and I believe you need to get help and perhaps medical treatment for that. Until and unless you do, I don't think you're going to get any acceptable solutions for your eyes, whether glasses, contacts, surgery or whatever. In that mental state you will also be in danger of making really poor decisions about your eyes. Whether or not you are here for advice, I'm going to dish some more out, and it's to focus on getting solutions for the emotional/psychological distress (which is not unique to you... many people here have been through it in some degree or form) above all else.

[Sammy B.]

NeedHealing,

First, I agree with Rebecca that you should try to see someone in an effort to get your negative feelings under control. Your thoughts surrounding glasses/contacts won't change until your mind adapts to your new situation. This may take a while, but it will happen with the proper help. My regular general practitioner (not even a psychiatric doc) was able to prescribe something for me that brought me back from the brink. Perhaps you have a family doctor you could go to?

Second, you must find a way to cope with the glasses. There are worse things in the world than wearing a pair of glasses. I wish I had accepted myself as a glasses-wearer (I had a -7.50 script, so it was pretty high) before I had LASIK.

Take Odydnas's advice. Glasses are in. Consider yourself lucky to have a fashionable accessory at your disposal. Go to the hippest glasses store you can find and use every last dime you have to have them create for you the thinnest, most fabulous glasses you've ever dreamed of having.

- Rose

[NeedHealing631]

The strange part is now I LIKE wearing glasses. They dont get itchy and dry, they feel good to have on. The main problem is them being thick and the fact that I never want to on when I go out to see people. I found a post from 2006 on a message board saying word for word "I want to get glasses, they will help my eyes" THIS WAS TWO YEARS BEFORE MY INFECTION. I always had the attitude of, if my eyes bother me I will just keep lens in as a way to just say screw you. Looking back that was a huge mistake but, overall I was never happy with contacts! Ever! I used to sit in school and have them fold over, into the back of the eye socket. I used to take so many drops from DR office. This was only after 2-3 years of contacts. So by 11 years, I fought till the end and now I realize how dumb that is! I had 100 warnings but, I thought to myself I wont wear glasses until i NEED to. Have you ever been made fun of for glasses? I was as kid, even called "Steve Urkle" I had 1,000 things to be insecure about and putting on glasses wasnt going to help me. Some times you just dont know whats right for you. I just went to DR and they did blood test. I also got script for lexapro. Keep in mind, now Im going to cosmetic surgeon for surgery. I need to have my nose fixed and mole removed. I was already INSECURE with how I looked so putting on glasses was the last thing I wanted. Looking back SOME PEOPLE LOOK COOL WITH GLASSES. My script was so high that I didnt want thick glasses, end of story. Now I realize I should have laser correction and just end this. My eyes are better from restasis. Maybe I will use it 3 times per day. These drops have helped so much. Im going on 5 months and I know by 6 it should be working full strength. If you feel insecure about how you look, you are less likely to want glasses. Glasses are the 1st thing that people notice and I WASNT HAPPY WITH THE LABEL OF DORK. My whole life I was unhappy. I can think back to the 1st time seeing threw contacts. THIS WAS THE BEST MOMENT IN MY LIFE!! Seeing with out glasses!! I didnt want to give up on them even all those nights there itch.

[Sammy B.]

NeedHealing,

I saw in another forum on this board that you said you are determined to have laser surgery. I am not sure exactly what type you are referencing. But I can assure you that you will find yourself back at this board, ranting and raving, if you have LASIK.

I remember vividly being made fun of for having my thick glasses on. I also wore braces on my teeth, so I was the consummate "DORK" in school. I know the liberating feeling that contact lenses can bring. But I also know the debilitating pain and mental anguish that laser eye surgery can bring, and I can promise you that the embarrassment I thought I felt wearing glasses is nowhere NEAR the regret and self-loathing you will put yourself through if you indeed have LASIK.

What are you afraid of? That men/women won't find you attractive if you have glasses on?

- Rose

[lizibet]

NeedHealing,

I couldn't agree more with Sammy re Lasik. My prescription was high -11 so you understand the thick glasses I wore plus contacts for a few hours each day. Contacts only came in at -8 so only corrected vision to some degree. Had a really miserable time felt that Lasik was only option. If only I could back to what I thought was a miserable time of glasses/contacts.

If I thought that was a pain, it is as nothing to this misery. Had Lasik 18 months ago and have regretted it every hour of every day ......... please, please think very carefully before you go ahead with this.

lizibet

[Guest]

I can relate to feeling self-conscious in glasses big time...

I got glasses at age 11 (1987) and all of a sudden, my group of friends dropped me... bizarre... maybe it had something to do with the fact that the wire-rimmed ones that were in style at the time were too expensive, so my parents bought me those plastic-rimmed ones that looked like they were from the 70's?? (they were way cheaper... but looked terrible... ick...)

I had a miserable time with people at school until age 14 when I got contacts... strangely, all of a sudden, I was no longer made fun of...

When I had to stop wearing contacts at age 18 due to them drying my eyes out too much (dr's blamed it on allegies... but who knows...) I was majorly bummed out... I once again felt like I was that nerd back in grade 7... strange how these things stick with us, huh?

Anyhow, at age 29, after seeing about 9 people that I knew have lasik, I went ahead and did it too. The surgeon was told about the fact that I had rosacea, contact lens intolerance, dry eyes first thing in the morning (but this was attributed to allergies), and ocular allergies. The surgeon promised me that I should not concern myself with the potential for dry eye, since the worst case scenario was using drops once to twice per day (but that I would not be in pain, or undue discomfort...)... he said there was no way that lasik could cause severe dry eye in someone like me. He assured me that I'd be back to normal within 3 months of the surgery as a worst case scenario.

The reality:

I have severe, life-ruining dry eye. It's been FOUR YEARS since my lasik procedure... that's a far cry from the 3 months my surgeon told me my "recovery" would take...

Lesson learned: just because a lasik surgeon is a doctor, does not mean they are up to date in their field or ethical.

I now look more like a "dork" or "nerd" or whatever word you like best than I ever could have in prescription glasses. I wear Wiley X glasses with the foam gasket and clear lenses indoors (seriously, it's not pretty... I look like an alien...)... due to vanity, I don't wear these in public, but then I suffer... my eyes go majorly bloodshot (I look like I'm recovering from a drug binge or something... it's terribly embarrassing... ), and my eyes burn like mad...

This dry eye has ruined other aspects of my life as well...

Prior to Lasik, I was an avid reader... can't do that anymore... I now listen to audiobooks...

Prior to Lasik, I was an avid video game player... my husband and I have 2 computers so we could play World of Warcraft and Shadowbane together (massive multiplayer on-line games)... we used to play these games for HOURS and HOURS together... lots of fun... but guess what... I can't play anymore... my eyes get too dry...

Prior to Lasik, I loved watching TV, movies... you name it...during flare ups (this one lasting MONTHS), I can't even do THAT... my eyes are too dry...

Prior to Lasik, I could go outside regardless of the weather... now I have to wear my foam-lined Wiley-X's outdoors... but this is an issue in the evening when it gets dark... can't see worth a darn in the tinted lenses... so then I have the option of wearing the clear lenses... but now I'm in public and look like an alien... not fun!

Anyhow... I'm coping with all this, and life goes on... but life would have been much better had I just kept working on myself so I'd learn to accept how I am in glasses so I could have avoided the entire lasik disaster in the first place... but there's no such thing as a time machine, so here I am... stuck...

Please don't have refractive surgery if your eyes are already dry... you'll just be tempting fate...

Find a good therapist in your area to talk to about your insecurities... they can help you work on that... you'll find happiness with glasses... I'm sure of it!!

sorry... this was kind of long... but I'd hate to see someone else suffer this way if it can be avoided!

Sheralyn

[Lucy]

Wore thick glasses (-10) from age 7 until I had lasik 10 years ago (mid-age). The worst mistake I've made in my life. Had to give up my job and have lived with bad vision and painful vision for 10 years, and I expect pretty much to be like this until I croak. Sorry, not feeling sorry for anyone just because they have thick glasses. An oncologist at the cancer center in my town wears glasses of -14 and -17 and he doesn't complain. Lucy

[20/20_Hindsight]

Maybe a scleral contact lens would be a solution for you? They are made of a different material than a soft lens. It would be expensive to go this route.

[Aaron77]

Maybe a scleral contact lens would be a solution for you? They are made of a different material than a soft lens. It would be expensive to go this route.

I think it might be more expensive to get lasik. Could lose the ability to support your self at work - I worry constantly that I won't get any beter and will lose my job. Probably lost 50grand this year due to my reduced work schedule because of the lasik difficulties.

[Guest]

Aaron makes a good point here... if one has to cut back on work (or worse yet, stop working altogether) the financial impact of Lasik can be HUGE! And then there's still the cost of all those aritificial tears (not covered by drug plans typically, so the cost comes out of one's discretionary spending)...

I hope you don't feel ganged up on... but it's just that so many of us here ended up with such crazy dry eyes from Lasik that we're leary of seeing someone else end up in the same situation!