Dating Advice

[dave25]

I have been friends with this girl at school for a little over 1 year. I have had several classes with her and we sit next to each other and talk pretty much every class. Recently I have become more attracted to her and find myself wanting to ask her out on a date, but I feel like I am holding back because of my eye condition. So the way I look at it, I have 2 problems right now.

1) Does she like me? Like most guys I am not very good at picking up subtle signs. With that said, we have class and sit next to each other about 3 days a week and I do notice she makes eye contact a lot and plays with her hair, but nothing too obvious.

2) Even if she says yes I am worried that my eye problems will eventually scare her away. Being a 27 year old guy, my confidence is already a little shaky because of my eye condition and I am afraid that she might say no. Also, I don't want to lose her as a friend.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

[Gretchen]

Dave,

She likes you. Ask her out. Don't worry about the what if's.

If she says yes (and I know she will), I would then gauge when to talk to her about the dry eye thing. Chances are that she will not think that it is that big of a deal.

Good Luck,
Gretchen

[Michael2]

Ditto what Gretchen said.

Everyone has problems, yours isn't contagious. I can't imagine her having any issue with it. Go for it

[dave25]

Thanks for the advice Gretchen and Michael.

[stephgurl1986]

yep, go for it! Most people don't pay as much attention to eyes as we do - we are obsessed... :-) It won't be a problem for her. If she likes you she will like you no matter if you have eye problems or not.

[Guest]

You only live once... go for it! Just casually ask her if she'd like to go for dinner or something like that... worst case if she says no, just carry on like nothing happenned... if u act like it was no big deal, you'll probably still be able to remain friends.

And hey, if she says yes, then won't u ever be glad u asked!!

p.s. For what it's worth, my 2 and a half yr old son said u should ask her out heehee

[Moonraker]

Nothing ventured, nothing gained! If she's as nice a person as you think, she'll still want to be friendly with you even if she doesn't want to go out on a date.

My dry eye results from an op back in 1996 to remove an acoustic tumour, which left me with the lids of my right eye closed slightly by two stitches and an inability to muster much of a smile - and complete deafness in one ear. Three years later, the most intense relationship of my life began. In fact it was too intense for me and I spent six years ignoring hints about marriage! (We're now very good friends.)

Nowadays I get on well with women half my age; a couple have remarked on my inability to smile - and apologise when I explained the reason. Recently one or two have noticed excess Viscotears oozing out of my eye, but it hasn't bothered them.

Go for it!


Moonraker

[Guest]

Another James Bond fan??? I just noticed your moniker - I like it! My husband and I have every single James Bond movie on DVD heehee

[dave25]

Hey thanks for the advice everyone! I guess I'll just have to build up the courage and ask her. It does kinda feel good to be worrying about something that is not eye related for a change.

[odydnas]

Go for it! Another poster here, Sazy, met her fiance while she was in LA for IPL treatments!
You have nothing to lose actually, and a lot to gain. And, like Michael said, it's not like you're contagious =)
Keep us posted!

[Eddie27]

Hey Dave,

I completely understand how you feel. I felt like that too when I first started to have eye problems. Dating at our age is hard enough under normal circumstances. But I eventually got over it. Like someone else mentioned earlier, we pay a lot more attention to the eyes than other people do. Just go for it. You wont ever find out if she will say yes unless you ask. If she says no, its not a big deal. There are plenty of other girls out there. =)

[Roderick]

Do make a move, but don't give too much importance to the outcome. The fact that she always sticks around you doesn't mean that she views you in a romantic light. She might view you as only a friend, and in nearly all cases, once a girl views you as a friend, it won't progress further no matter what you do. Generally it's recommended to make a move as soon as you meet a new girl to avoid falling into this so-called "friendzone" from which there is no exit, and to avoid turning a girl into a friend, to instead be explicit about what you want.

But well you don't know the truth until you make a move, and by all means you should do it, as guys especially are the ones who have to approach girls, and assertiveness is a good skill to practice. Just be prepared to accept that you might be rejected, and in case of a rejection, things might become really awkward for the two of you afterward, to the point of even perhaps ruining the friendship. Almost every man who seeks a girlfriend must accept that he will face a lot of rejections. But then you just have to seek new girls. Also, do not put girls on a pedestals. Don't act like she is special; act like YOU are the prize. And do not admit that you like her before she does it first. Until then, be vague and indirect, and your only indicators of interest should be physical ones (something like a gentle touch on the hand or the shoulder).

These are the tips that served me the best in my dating life so far. In the end one's health issues should not be an impediment to your enjoyment of dating and life. There's no reason you can't find ways to still be happy. You also need not to repress, nor to be ashamed of your sexuality.

Good luck!

[wetEyes]

Don't ask her out. You have been friends with her for over a year now and because of that she most likely sees you as "just a friend".

[Moonraker]

Why can't friends go out together on a date? If they like each other, there's no reason why they can't go to a film or a meal together. One girl I take out to lunch is less than half my age and is happily married. I'm soon to have lunch with a former work colleague who was widowed a few years ago, but we used to meet up for a meal when her husband was alive - with his knowledge.

I can recall dating several girls after I'd known them for some time. Not a problem.


Moonraker

[wetEyes]

If he has been "just a good friend" to her for all that time, then she will see him as just that and not more.