parents

[rukapuka]

I've had a SJS attack 4 years ago and it was because a suicidal attempt because of some family issue. After all of that, my parents are still feeling guilty about it, they are extremely demanding and spoiling me. I've been in college for 3 years and only finished 12 credits which is really bad, and my parents try not to stress me on anything..I know they're sad about all that is happening to me, but they're affecting me negatively! I am 21 but I'm not fully-aware of my duties and I'm so dependent on my parents and they're actually helping me do this.

I thought of studying abroad - just to leave them and start to depend on myself. I dunno what should I do but I so fed up of all of that.
I'm always depressed because of my eyes and I'm not believing in the fact that I can do anything.
I'm not even sure if my parents are doing this or I'm just thinking they are!

I'm sorry if that is complete non sense to everybody, but I needed to talk to somebody who could feel what I'm passing through.

Thanks in advance,
Reham.

[littlemermaid]

What about something new that you really feel like doing for yourself but natural progress in the eyes of your family in Cairo like: voluntary work teaching (living at home), paid tutoring for young children for exams, holiday abroad to stay with relatives, helping friend/relative in business locally and making some money for the future? You are feeling trapped and you are ready for progress but steps forward need to be enjoyable to make you happy, and easy to manage, and your own choice.

Sometimes when we are studying we forget what we enjoy that is special to us, and forget to have a laugh with friends - could be painting, singing, making things, helping people, mountain climbing, fixing cars... Wonder what yours are? These interests and skills are not time wasted - jobs are scarce here in UK and many friends with degrees are using these home interests to get work. When you try something new it may or may not turn out to be a good idea but you will feel proud for trying!

(My young daughter has eye problems - I dare not let her go on school trips to Vienna to play music and Morocco for walking holiday - I know this is not fair but I am scared she will forget her eye treatment and go blind...! If a trusted friend or doctor was keeping an eye on her I would be happy.)

[howdryiam]

Hello

Your parents are just trying to be their for you. They may be over protective, but you are their heart and soul. As for school - 12 credits is like 4 classes - how do you stay in a program with that.

I would suggest you take a trip away - something simple - perhaps a weekend, then gradually move on to a week, etc....

Your parents are just telling you how much they love you and the gift of your life

[odydnas]

You are lucky that your parents are so supportive of you. They can't cure you, so they're doing everything they can to support you and take care of you, even if that means being a little overly protective, spoiling you, or not pushing you too hard. It probably also has to do with them trying their best to do what they can so that their little girl won't have a repeat of trying to hurt herself. I think in this very delicate situation of having attempted suicide and suffering from SJS, it's difficult for your parents to figure out how exactly to treat you.

I don't think you should be blaming your parents for feeling so dependent on them and not being aware of your duties because it sounds like you do know what you're supposed to be doing, which is finishing college. At 21 years old, I highly doubt you don't know what you should be doing. Obviously, eye problems can make it difficult to fulfill ALL of your duties, but take it slow and just do what you think you can. Definitely, painful dry eyes, can make it very difficult to finish college in 4 years, and I can understand your lack of confidence in yourself. I don't know how going abroad to study would make anything better when you are already having so much trouble in school already (12 credits for 3 years). Being abroad in a brand new environment and without the help and support you're used to, on top of eye pain, might make school or work EVEN harder (unless you have supportive family/friends abroad) and I don't know how that would solve your lack of independence problem.

Maybe you should take small steps, such as completing an adequate amount of credits this or next quarter first, taking a short trip (you can come to U.S. for an eye appt), or fulfilling some duties whatever they may be, before you consider traveling abroad to study. Also, seeing a therapist might be helpful too, so you can work on some of the issues that SJS has caused, and working on building your self-esteem and confidence.

[rukapuka]

Thanks everybody for replying!
what if I liked it in the US? I'm planning to stay till September, which is like 4 months or something so I was thinking of staying there if I liked it..I know my parents love me too much but I can't stop blaming them for something they've done to me in the past, accidentally!
I know I should see a therapist but they never really helped me, I've seen like 5 since I got sick but none of them managed to make me feel better, and I don't want to go on antidepressants because it makes me feel unnatural..I'll see one as soon as I go to the US.
I made sure of my credits, discovering that they're 18, not 12..I had to drop last year because I had eye ulcer, and my college dean is so understanding..that's why I'm still enrolled in the program.
I have been avoiding myself to go out since a long time..I know what I'm doing is not right but I'm feeling so helpless. Somebody I know asked me out, I felt he was trying to make me feel better about myself or he is doing that out of pity..I hate how I turned out to be, and I really want to change anything about my life and dunno from where I would start.
All I know is that I'll go stay in NY for the summer and see how would that help me..

Thanks!
Reham