if they don't ask, I don't tell

[wetEyes]

It's frustrating to experience that even my best friends, my closest family members and my ex girlfriend can not / could not understand the impact dry eye had / has on my life. They see it as an annoyance but not as a real disease and think that I should just accept it and stop thinking about it.

Furthermore, I noticed that some of them get bored and annoyed when I regularly tell them about it, even if it's only half a minute out of every 60 minute conversation. That's why I have decided never to tell anything to people unless they ask and even then stricly limit how much I talk about it. Also, if I'm in pain, I will try to hide it.

It makes me sad but I will try to forgive them for their lack of understanding and compassion.

[lizibet]

Hi wetEyes

I so understand where you are coming from. Today is the 2nd anniversary of my lasik op and I can't believe 2 years have passed and the pain is just as bad as it was in those early, early days when I stupidly believed it was only a matter of time and I would be healed again. The only thing that has changed is my ability to cope with it. But the hardest thing, as you say, is that people just don't understand - how could they. I wouldn't have believed that people would have to put up with this pain, day in, day out, day in day out........... We have become so used to believing that medical science will sort out all our problems, or at least make us comfortable, that is unthinkable that something so SMALL sounding, can't be dealt with.

Like you, I just don't tell people anything any more. When even my own sister who I am so close to, doesn't get it, what hope is there. When I have really bad days when I can't function, I just say it was a bad migraine, bad stomach ache or I even use the excuse of an old neck injury and say that is playing up. I just hope I don't tempt the fates and I get all these conditions for real, I have enough with the DE.!

We here at least understand, wetEyes, and I get enormous comfort just knowing I am not alone and going mad. Take care. Liz

[FWM]

I understand you... but i think that the problem with dry eye sufferers is that we dont have anyone to blame for the cause and spontaneous appearance of our dissease, so we start getting angry at anybody to release the stress we are going throught for that "lack of understanding" position..

the thing is that if we were them, we would probably act as they are acting, not caring or not understanding, or not knowing what to do to help you.. even you can go to psycologist and they wont understand either, so if a mind trained expert can't understand, how could a normal person do it?

so the answer is to find inner strenght, not easy, not quick, but possible.
there you can find some relief (at least mentally), because you will forgive everyone (i know that sometimes it seems like they dont deserve it), and even forgive yourself (yes we deserve this for sure).

[mary kenny badami]

Oh, lizibet -- I'm another post-Lasik person here, recalling how difficult my "Laserversaries" were in the first several years.

Until I found a solution for my painful dry eyes, it was difficult to concentrate on enjoying life. (But I did -- find a solution; and now I do -- enjoy life).

I don't feel stupid for having trusted my doctors when they told me that my symptoms would go away. They had more knowledge and experience than I had,
and they were extremely persuasive in reassuring me that my problems were a "normal" part of healing (except that they weren't) and that they would disappear over time (except that they didn't).

Which is why the members of this website and our sister site LaserMyEye who offered me encouragement and advice along the way were so important in helping me heal what could be healed,
and learning to cope with the rest.
I wish the same for you. ((( electronic hugs to lizibet )))

p.s. I especially agree with FWM:

"even forgive yourself (yes we deserve this for sure)."