What helped you at your darkest times?

[Rebecca Petris]

I want to open a dialogue about suicide.

I know many here have been in that dark place where you’ve seriously contemplated it. Some have attempted it but are (thankfully!) still with us. Some like Kim who shared her full story with us had a long hard road to come back - but made it and are living happy fulfilled lives.

For those who have been there: Can you share with me your thoughts about what, if anything, YOU feel could have been helpful at that time?

I am not by any means implying that all suicides can be prevented by intervention of some sort. But so many have been safely through that crisis (many, no doubt, through the help of the many kind DEZ members reaching out to each other) and come out the other side that I am hopeful some services could, given time, energy, volunteers and some $ be devised that would reach more people in crisis.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts. If you’d rather not share publicly feel free to email or PM me.

PLEASE DO NOT use this thread to voice opinions about suicide as a choice (we've been there before). All I want to see is thoughts about what, if anything, might help in some cases to keep someone alive to fight another day. Thanks for your understanding.

[alywankin]

My thoughts always ran to the future. Like "what if I had to live every single day with this horrible pain for the rest of my life?" I'd think, "I can't do it. I'm not strong enough."

But as with most things, time does heal. Have hope for the future. Hope that tomorrow will be better than yesterday.

[alisonW]

What gets me through the really hard times besides my faith is the fact that I want to know what the future holds - not only for myself but also for my family. I don't ever want to miss a single thing - that desire and my natural curiousity about "what will be" has gotten me through lots of very tough times over the years. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel no matter what you think in those darkest moments.

[odydnas]

I have been in that very dark place, feeling coming isolated, that no one "gets it", having confusing symptoms, and getting dismissed by physicians, friends, family, and coworkers. What truly helped was reaching out to members of Dry Eye Zone, especially those closer to my age (20's). It was extremely helpful to know that I wasn't suffering alone, and that there were people out there that cared and wanted to help me. And that there are doctors who won't dismiss me and try to find a solution. Having actual phone conversations are very helpful. Many times, having an invisible problem and looking so young and healthy can make me feel ashamed of my situation, and ashamed of asking for help, afraid that people will think I am faking my situation for attention. So, to have people making the effort to reach out to me and check up on me has been the greatest help of all. After being frequently dismissed, it made me validated in my pain and that I DESERVE to feel better and I need to demand and push for help, and I no longer feel as helpless as I use to feel.

I am no longer in that very dark place, even though my symptoms have not improved and I am dealing with even more difficult and confusing health conditions on top of my eye pain and I am still homebound most of the time. I feel that because of the community here on DEZ, I am stronger and very focused on getting better.

[odydnas]

I also wanted to add that I am also a member on the Interstitial Cystitis forum, and they have a section that is divided into states, where members can post and connect with those near them. I think having someone physically nearby who "gets it" would be very helpful.

[Rebecca Petris]

I also wanted to add that I am also a member on the Interstitial Cystitis forum, and they have a section that is divided into states, where members can post and connect with those near them.

Hmmm, thanks for mentioning that.

Brainstorming for a moment... What would you think of a private state-by-state section on the board, not visible to the public (maybe each has a state 'moderator' who controls it?) where it will be private/safe enough to share phone numbers and help people get together?

I've had several PMs as well so far - appreciate all the feedback. Overwhelmingly the response is that personal contact with people who understand is tops.

[dlrstudio]

I have been suicidal, and have spent time in a psych hospital ~ several times, actually. But it doesn't have anything to do with my eyes, pain, etc. I have Bipolar Disorder.

Are you specifically asking about thoughts of suicide related to the pain/frustration/depression that accompany DE?


Denise

[Rebecca Petris]

Are you specifically asking about thoughts of suicide related to the pain/frustration/depression that accompany DE?

I was - that's the group of people I'm here to serve and it's also the only context for suicidal ideation that I think I know anything about. But I'm open to input of any kind at all that you think could be helpful. In fact come to think of it I have some questions related to hospitalization that come to mind - I will PM you separately about this. Thanks for writing.

[dave25]

Brainstorming for a moment... What would you think of a private state-by-state section on the board, not visible to the public (maybe each has a state 'moderator' who controls it?) where it will be private/safe enough to share phone numbers and help people get together?

That sounds like a great idea!

[EileenL]

I considered suicide in my last year of college. With no job prospects and uncertainty about my future hanging heavy over my head, I was desperate for a quick fix to all my troubles. The thought that kept coming through was the story told by a young woman in my ethics class. During a discussion of disabled children, she said her sister, who was lamed by polio, had committed suicide. The lost, sad, confused and lonely little girl she became while telling her story haunted me. could I leave my two younger sister's feeling that way? I couldn't and even worse what if I somehow set an example for my two perfectly healthy sisters?

I'm glad to say that my sister's supported me through that dark difficult time whether they knew it or not. And I'm glad I stuck around to see what happened to me and my sisters. My life is still full of uncertainty, I just have more curiosity about what I will find when I get to where ever it is I am going.
Eileen

[Súil Eile]

I have been in that very dark place, feeling coming isolated, that no one "gets it", having confusing symptoms, and getting dismissed by physicians, friends, family, and coworkers. What truly helped was reaching out to members of Dry Eye Zone, especially those closer to my age (20's). It was extremely helpful to know that I wasn't suffering alone, and that there were people out there that cared and wanted to help me. And that there are doctors who won't dismiss me and try to find a solution. Having actual phone conversations are very helpful. Many times, having an invisible problem and looking so young and healthy can make me feel ashamed of my situation, and ashamed of asking for help, afraid that people will think I am faking my situation for attention. So, to have people making the effort to reach out to me and check up on me has been the greatest help of all. After being frequently dismissed, it made me validated in my pain and that I DESERVE to feel better and I need to demand and push for help, and I no longer feel as helpless as I use to feel.

I am no longer in that very dark place, even though my symptoms have not improved and I am dealing with even more difficult and confusing health conditions on top of my eye pain and I am still homebound most of the time. I feel that because of the community here on DEZ, I am stronger and very focused on getting better.

I've basically had to quote the whole of Odydnas' post as I agree with every word of it. The two most frustrating things about severe DES is 1) Very few people have it/ understand it and 2) it's invisible to most. It can be an extremely lonely experience. I cannot express the depths and extent to which this forum has helped me. I have been in tears at times due to the hugely postive responses and the pure unconditional emotional support I have received through so many wonderful DEZ members.

One of the best pieces of advice I had ever gotten was just concentrate on today. You can't do anything about tomorrow, or next week, or next year. But you can control today. Coming out of the darkness involves gaining back some control one step at a time. The darkest times are when everything seems impossible. If you can take control over even the tiniest little thing, then it's a step forward...it helps you to become 'unstuck'.

[Guest]

This is an extremely old thread, but very valuable for me at the moment. Would love to see a way for us to link up and meet. Thanks for all the kind words.

For me depression is a hard topic, I'm bipolar so when it hits, it hits hard. So I try to focus on all the amazing things in my life. The good definitely outweighs the bad...it's a matter of keeping that in perspective.

jordan Peterson has a great video, go to YouTube and type jordan Peterson cuts to the bone, he talks about depression and suicide stemming from two things...one, the idea that you're in a situation you can never see your way out of and two, you're such a burden on people already, what happens when things get worse. That brings despair...we have toavoid going down that path the best we know how.

Stay strong and know I'm trying to do the same.

much love!

[Rebecca Petris]

This is a really old thread... but I happened across it while 'moving furniture' and also saw DoWork's response, and I decided to revive it. I would love to keep this one going as a place for people to post what helped them through the worst.

[Guest]

I've thought several times, when I developed my dry eyes, I told my husband, im not living like this! It totally consumed my life, didn't want to go anywhere, didn't want to see anyone, hated going to bed with all the gel in my eyes, didn't want to get up in the mornings having to focus on cleaning and clearing my eyes, I have spent days thinking, this us forever! It's been only 6 months, I've learned to manage better, not great but I'm back to feeling somewhat optimistic I can get through this. It's been a struggle for sure, I've had to did deep! Hoping to keep my head above water , seeing my Dr. after Xmas to see what's next! Hang in there everyone!