suicide

[Michael2]

i think for me the pain was so sudden and intense that i didnt realize what had happened to me...even months into it

but now that everything has settled down, time has passed, and hours have turned into days into weeks into months into years, im struggling to move on.

im normally a totally rational person, but the irrationality (is that a word) has crept up on me. im only 23, i know im feeling better htan a year ago and still have tons of hope, but how can i live like this everyday when Im used to having everything? Even my 85 year old grandparents function better than me

i have so much support now..from family, friends, etc. but theyre all LIVING. i might as well be dead. suicide is just becoming more and more attractive.

for people that have been through that stage, how can i possibly fight that urge? i was once such a strong person but im failing

[dave25]

Trust me you have plenty to live for. I know exactly how you feel, I have had my dark times as well. I am 28 years old and I too had to deal with this when I was 23. It does get easier. Don't be too hard on yourself. You will be able to function again, but it does take time. You can pm me if you like and I will share some things that helped me when I was struggling.

[irish eyes]

Michael

This may be a slender thread to hold on to but please stay with us. Your positive posts in the past have made me feel better.

Virtual hugs being sent to you from across the pond.

[Michael2]

if it makes you feel any better, i have tinnitus too. but its just low key and doesnt bug me that much, its constant but im able to tune it out. is yours serious? i took naproxen and had a night of tinnitus horror, i can totally understand how horrible of a disease that is

[Goeyes]

wow dude

lol hey, Im taking these vitamins that are helping quiet my tinntius
they actually work

I think they work by increasing the ignoring chemicals in your brain to block out the phantom sound.

ill have to get the name on those, i tried em, moms got tinnitus too, she said she took them a couple of days, tinnnitus is so quiet she couldn't even hear it it was wierd

[Michael2]

yah lemme know...tinnitus is annoying as hell. i got straight from my meds for dry eye lol

[Rebecca Petris]

Michael, I'm really sorry you're in that place. It's hard.

If you need someone to talk to, feel free to call.. the number is here.

[rooneyandfergie]

Hey Michael2,

I think a good portion of the people on this forum at one stage or another must have felt the temptation to end their suffering once and for all, myself included. Even once in a while, i do think about it. Not so much nowadays though.

I know how hard it is as I am also relatively young as well. I am 25. It's like you suddenly lost a big part of yourself overnight. My eyes are red all the time and burning. But let me just say this.

Try not to compare though its hard sometimes. I find that every time i compare and wished that i had white healthy eyes like the guy next to me, it makes me feel like crap. Makes me feel even worse.

I think it also helps if you can get someone to speak to. It may not solve your problem directly but at least you will feel better. Not everyone will be willing to listen and understand though especially people who had not have to go through the pain of dry eyes. U can drop me a pm if u wanna.

Hopefully, medical science can provide an answer for this in the future. It may still be some time away but there are some pretty interesting developments. For example, anti-vegf therapy seems an interesting and viable option for chronic red eyes in the future. In addition, the recent approval of use of embryonic stem cells in human clinical trials may pave the way for revolutionary methods of treatment for dry eye. Though not directly related it could spin off new uses of these stem cells. They could perhaps be used for the regeneration of diseased or dysfunctional lacrimal glands.

I wished i could tell a methodical approach which could effectively stop you from thinking of bad thoughts. However, it is an issue which i myself is still learning how to cope with. All i can say is that i do hope you try to distract yourself from those thoughts, do more research on what may help and do a little trial and error and hope for the best.

[Súil Eile]

Michael2, I just want to say my thoughts are with you. I hope you get through this difficult time.

This is what this forum is great for...getting the moral and emotional support that is hard to find elsewhere. Keep pushing through, and we'll all try our best to get you there

[Michael2]

thank you everyone. i have a great group of friends and family at home helping me out supporting me, too. i'm getting better and better, this is just a very hard disease to fight at a young age

[Guest]

Hey Michael... I'm a bit late chiming in here, but just wanted to say it will totally get easier. I'm glad to hear that you're getting better and better. Just take it one day at a time... and if it's a bad day, take it one hour at a time.

[hirentherock]

hi micheal...
Im also going thru same phase...agreeing to rooneyeye user...
I have been suffering from age of 8 now im 28...day by day it feels that im getting just a little better than before...May be because the more u get used to, more u feel comfort.

Yes the thoughts of comparing ourselves to others bring the feeling of being lowered..My vision is so low that i cannot drive but all others in family can drive...Always eager to support/help me...But it feels really drowning to realise that i cannot do what they can do..

The day i feel less irritation is a day ended happy for me..

Anyways...Im hopin to get better...U too dont worry....hope some miracle will save all of us...medications etc...

But also remember there r many ppl living happily who r BLIND...this thought makes me feel i cannot be pessimist...I can be stronger...

LIFE IS INVALUABLE... JUST WE HAVE TO STRIVE MORE TO MAKE IT VALUABLE.

[huey]

Be Grateful

Michael,

I'd love you to meet my cousin Dylan. He's 34 years of age and has had severe Leukemia since he's a baby. He's about half the weight and a full foot smaller that he would be if he never had the disease. He's never been able to work in a job, he couldn't even go to school because of on-going treatment. He's never been on a date and probably never even kissed a girl. His head is deformed from multiple skin graft operations and his body is equally scarred. I'd say he's had more operations than he's had hot dinners!

I honestly can tell you that this guy would change your life. He's the most positive out-going funny guy I know. He laugh's at his disease and never ever gave up. He has the best eyes I've ever seen and when you look into them you see the spirit of hope. There's alway's hope..

Hugh

[Michael2]

hey Huey...

thanks. it amazes me when people have such positive feelings about life like that. i would love to talk to him

i think for me, personally, one of the problems isn't just that i feel ive lost so much quality of life (alot of times i think about what Id be doing if my life had continued in the same path, and I think about how 99/100 times this would have never happened). im able to put those thoughts to the side

while Im able to get past that, I think one what's driven me to severe depression is that I feel I'm the only one that's lost everything. I always read stories about other people, and i've 'heard' of an old friend here or there getting in a car accident or being paralyzed, but its far removed and not someone i know personally. i think the problem is, almost no one in my age group, within my circle of friends or friends of friends, has experienced something like this (that i know of). i think thats made me feel very alone for a long time. for example I go on facebook and see how amazing everyone else's life is, and i just want to be part of that again but I cant do those things anymore and I dont know if I ever will, and Im so young (I've since deactivated it) i have spent time talking to one friend who suffered from a Crohn's flare, and that helped more than any advice others could give me.

I'll also add that I expected to get better within a week...obviously, i was naive

[dave25]

Michael,

I'd love you to meet my cousin Dylan. He's 34 years of age and has had severe Leukemia since he's a baby. He's about half the weight and a full foot smaller that he would be if he never had the disease. He's never been able to work in a job, he couldn't even go to school because of on-going treatment. He's never been on a date and probably never even kissed a girl. His head is deformed from multiple skin graft operations and his body is equally scarred. I'd say he's had more operations than he's had hot dinners!

I honestly can tell you that this guy would change your life. He's the most positive out-going funny guy I know. He laugh's at his disease and never ever gave up. He has the best eyes I've ever seen and when you look into them you see the spirit of hope. There's alway's hope..

Hugh

Hugh that sounds like the greatest man alive! I love hearing stories like that. It helps us put things into better perspective.