Relationships and Work?

[Jenn1]

Does anyone ever feel that the opposite sex may be put off you because of your eye problems and want someone normal? Also the fact that work will be affected when the eyes are at their worst, which can be a daily struggle and then having babies also? How does everyone cope?

[jenny2008]

yes i dont date anymore. i try but its hard to meet people as idont get out-and when friends try and fix me up i feel weird on the phone cause i know that eventually i hve to tell them about my dry eye as some days i put drops in constantly...i dont work anymore..im 37 and on SSD.. ughhh.. if anyone has any suggestions it would be appreciated.thanks

[Guest]

As for having babies, THAT is ok... being on maternity leave is heavenly for the eyes since you get to stay home in your humidified house (I have a humidifier on my furnace), don't have to use the computer constantly, can wear the freakiest looking goggles and there is no-one to see you wearing them etc.

Don't know how people handle dating with eyes like this, but I think if it were me, I'd probably downplay the dry eye thing in the beginning... no sense going into it in depth until you've been with the person long enough to know if this could be a long-term relationship. Sure, you might have to tell them you have this crazy eye problem that prevents you from exposing them to wind etc., but there are tons of indoor non-windy dates to go on like movies, out for dinner, etc. where you hopefully can survive with drops as often as needed. Outdoors, the Wiley X sunglasses make most outdoor activities in the daytime doable... granted, they look goggly, but I'm sure there are many people out there who would be able to look past that.

I think a key thing would be to show that although you have limitations due to your eyes, there are still lots of fun things that you CAN participate in (ie. you're still a fun, happy, well-adjusted person to hang out with!) All this is assuming things are under enough control that you can function for dates just using drops, and without wearing onion goggles or the like while indoors... I would think that would make a person "normal" enough to not scare anyone away right from the get-go. If you have to wear goggles constantly and can't get away without them ever, that would be tougher... IF that's the case, and it makes dating too uncomfortable, then I think there is every reason to hope that you'll get your eyes to a point where you can go without goggles again eventually.

(a few years ago, I was in an awful stage where I wore goggles pretty much every waking minute, had to rest my eyes for hours every day with a cold cloth on them, they hurt all the time, I wouldn't have been able to work etc.... NOW, I work, I don't have to waste any more waking hours on closed resting eyes, I can get away without goggles for social outings consistently etc.)

No question dating with this awful condition would not exactly be a cakewalk, but surely it can be done... if anything, it would very quickly screen out the superficial ones who only want a decoration at their side who helps their delicate ego

[jenny2008]

My one eye is so dry all the time i havent been to the movies in over 3 years. my eyes are too dry to watch movies on a big screen even with drops... How are you able to watch movies? with moisture chambers? im just curious.. i dont even think my moisture sunglasses would work plus the screen would be super dark.. suggestions???i miss movies!!!

[Guest]

Hi Jenny,

So sorry to hear your eyes are still in such rough shape! At my worst, I was unable to watch movies too... but then they improved a bit, and for a while I was watching movies through my eyelashes... had my eyes just barely open, and would close them completely if it was a long conversation part that didn't require me to see what was going on... concentrated on blinking a ton, and used drops about every 15 minutes.

Then my eyes got good enough that I could watch the movie normally, albeit with drops every 15 minutes. These days, I can get away with watching a movie with no moisture chambers, but have to concentrate more on blinking lots, plus drops very regularly since it's wintertime and I can't keep the indoor air as humid as in the summer. On a good day in winter, I can go up to an hour with no drops while watching a movie...in summertime on my good days I can go even longer... Since I'm usually at home when watching movies, I usually do end up wearing my moisture chambers anyways since no-one here will care if I do.

Regarding the screen being dark, I wear my clear-lens Wiley X's at home, so everything still looks normal. If I'm going out to the movies, I'll often wear my custom moisture chambers since they are more discreet, have clear lenses also, and still protect my eyes from the minimal drafts in the theater.

I wonder if you could get away with watching them through your lashes and blinking tons with liberal use of drops? Or would the whole experience just be way too irritating to your eyes and make them flare up no matter what you do?

[jenny2008]

Hey there!
I like that suggestion about watching through your eyelashes.. i may try that ! i wil def let u know if i do! i def ave a prob even when watching tv is i stare too long. gotta blink!

[Guest]

Hey there!
I like that suggestion about watching through your eyelashes.. i may try that ! i wil def let u know if i do! i def ave a prob even when watching tv is i stare too long. gotta blink!

Will cross my fingers that it works for you Jenny! (((hugs)))

[Jenn1]

@ SAAG, thanks for the good advice and tips. I guess it all boils down to confidence and not making our eye problems a huge issue and in turn others wont either.

@ Jenny, do keep trying new things and experimenting with goggles and techniques mentioned by SAAG. I hope things improve for you and that prince charming is just around the corner!

Keep positive & smiling everyone. x

[Guest]

@ SAAG, thanks for the good advice and tips. I guess it all boils down to confidence and not making our eye problems a huge issue and in turn others wont either.

Keep positive & smiling everyone. x

I'm married, so I'm out of the dating scene... but I was just thinking back to how I'd feel back when I was single if I met someone with a health issue - if they seemed really depressed, and went on and on about all the stuff they couldn't do anymore and how hard everything was, I'd think they weren't for me because I'd have been looking for a happy person.

On the other hand, if they were just matter-of-fact about their health issue, didn't make me feel bad or like an idiot for suggesting stuff they couldn't do, were ready with ideas for fun stuff we could do, had a positive make-the-best-of-things attitude and seemed like an energetic, happy person who was really good company, THAT would still be attractive, know what I mean?

Not saying I think this would be easy for anyone in our shoes... dating is tough enough when you're perfectly healthy and "normal"... but still... thinking it's still probably do-able for a lot of people once they get their eye issues to a liveable level...

I have hope for you guys!!!!