What I have learned and How to Cope

[LauraK]

It's been 5 1/2 months since I had Lasik surgery. It's been 5 months with a lot of downs and some ups as I have gotten through each day. For the first few months as I endured both the physical and mental pain, I was in a very bad state. It took my family and doctors to convince me that I needed to try to tackle getting my depression and anxiety under control. I was so concerned that anything I took would affect my eyes and make them worse. It took one day that I actually broke down at work and had to leave that I knew I couldn't handle the mental side of things anymore with help. My husband and family were concerned for my well being and were afraid to leave me alone. I was in a very dark place that I never want to go back to. With that being said, I started taking 10MG of Celexa - after a month, it still didn't help. I was crying two to three times a day and couldn't keep my emotions in control. I went to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with major depression and post traumatic stress disorder. She also told me that Celexa was not strong enough to help combat my depression. With that she prescribed Effexor. After two weeks, I was mentally doing a lot better and was able to get through the day without crying and obsessed with my eyes 24 by 7.I have had very little side effects from Effexor and am mentally starting to get a handle on my life again.

Regarding the physical discomfort that I have endured from Lasik I did invest in making a trip to see Dr. Latkany in New York. He was able to spend 30 minutes with me and quickly diagnosed me something different than the other two opthamologists had been treating me for. He took me off of all drops including Restasis, OTC drops, Azasite, as well as suggested removing the lower plugs that I had. He suggested cold compresses, 3 x a day for 1 minute; as well as an allergy drop. It's been about 6 weeks since I have been following his protocol. Are my eyes feelling great, normal - NO. Do they feel a little bit better - yes they do.

I think my one suggestion that I have learned - is not to ignore the depression and anxiety - it needs to be a addressed - the mind is a powerful tool and can really make things worse at times. I have noticed a lot of posts from others who are really having a hard time mentally dealing with the condition of their eyes. I have tried to explain to my family and friends how mentally tolling this has been on me - I really don't think anyone understands unless you are living with it. This forum is a great venue to really get that support and understanding.

I also decided to write a letter to the surgeon who performed my Lasik. In my case, the doctor who did the surgery doesn't do the follow-up and refers you to an optometrist. Therefore, my surgeon has had no idea of what I have been going through for the past several months. It was a civil letter, but addressed my concerns that he did not adequately relay the risks of Lasiks, nor test me for dry eye or other pre-existing conditions prior to surgery. It was therapeutic for me to write the letter even though I know if probably falls on deaf ears.

I hope that phsyically someday I can start to feel normal again. Sorry for long rant, sometimes it feels good to tell your story.

[Jenn1]

@LauraK,

Thank you for sharing your experience, both your struggles and strength. I think that letter you wrote was a great idea and I do sincerely hope that it made the surgeon think twice before performing the same procedure on others, if he has a conscience that is. Its good to hear that you have a very supportive and loving family who are there to help lift your spirits when you are having those bad days. Like you have said, its good to get all of our emotions and frustrations out, be it typing on the screen. We sometimes forget that we are much much stronger than what we realise at times and that things do become bearable after the storm passes. You are on the right track and will no doubt deal with whatever life throws at you, so keep going and we are all here for you and others.

[LauraK]

Thanks Jenn. It is certainly a journey. I do hope someday I can look back and realize that I learned from this experience and it makes me a better person.

[farmgirl]

You will Laura, trust me you will. My mantra has always been, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger and I have found that to be true of all adversity in my life, including dry eye. Hang in there....cheers....F/G

[SunshineinCalgary]

Laura,


Thank you for sharing your experience. Your struggles are so real, and your feelings so genuine! I can totally relate to every word you said !!!

[Cali]

Whoa Laura. I joined this forum about 2 weeks ago, completely suicidal from LASIK. That was my first post, my introduction to this group. Finally saw a psychiatrist and am calming down. The depression can be just as debilitating as the eye pain (I dare say maybe even worse). I know, I walk in your same shoes. One thing I know for certain in life, the longer you work at something, really work at something, you do succeed. I'm not sure how long it takes, it depends on the issue. But, if our goal is to get comfortable and functional and we work at it, we will get there. I know this for certain. It's just extra hard when your depressed and in pain.

Note, I now take xanax, for the last two weeks. The more I calm down, the less my eyes hurt. They hurt A LOT (think glass shards), but less. I think it's something about stress constricting blood and fluid flow to my eyes. Who knows - but, I have to remain calm, it makes a difference. The more I spiral into guilt, fear, shame, humiliation, feelings of stupidity, etc. on and on and on, the worse my eyes feel.

I try to just concentrate on this condition being temporary and I am in the ugly part. That I will get comfortable, just need the right tools, team, and time. This ugly part will pass.