How were you able to accept that you have dry eye?

[gormz]

Hey all,

I was just curious...how were you all able to accept that you have dry eye? To be honest, i think this is my biggest challenge that is impeding my recovery/healing.

Everyday i still think about that 5 short months ago i didn't know what dry eye was. I didn't know what it was like to not be able to go outside without wearing protective sunglasses. I didn't know how hard it was to be in air conditioning if you have dry eye. i didn't know what it was like to be constantly worried that my eyes were getting worse. Anyway the list goes on and on and i sometimes blame myself that i somehow caused it by wearing contacts or by not cleaning my eyelids.

Basically what im asking is how you were able to get to the acceptance phase that this is my reality for now and i can't focus on the what ifs.

[Guest]

Basically what im asking is how you were able to get to the acceptance phase that this is my reality for now and i can't focus on the what ifs.

For me, I got to a point where I was feeling crazy depressed over all this. Mostly because I could no longer read, couldn't even watch TV, cooking hurt (fumes), couldn't handle even chopping vegies (guess I wasn't blinking as much?), was worried about my ability to work - had to start wearing moisture chambers etc. This was in summer 2009 (I think?... would have to look through my old posts for when I first started posting here... that was when I was at my worst)

Anyhow, some of the stuff that helped me claw my way out of that state of mind: a crazy long bucket list that I was hell bent on finishing, constantly reminding myself of how many situations in the world would be soooo much worse, reminding myself of what WAS still good in my life, refusing to allow myself to cry (it only made my eyes even worse), and focusing on what I COULD do right that second to make my eyes feel even a little bit better (ex. splashing ice cold tap water over closed eyes = bliss because the burning went away for a bit). And last, but not least, these forums were like free therapy to me - a whole bunch of people who totally could relate to what I was going through - very comforting to say the least. I used to love reading - I switched to audiobooks (joined audible.com and bought an ipod touch for those - listened to a ton of audiobooks where the characters were in rather dire situations... you know... human race being mostly annihilated by some mysterious disease, hostile alien invasion leaving only a handful of survivors...just made my own real life seem soooo much better haha)

Also, trying to stay busy helped me a ton too - ie. staying so busy that I didn't have much time to sit and mope about this.

As for the what if's - for me, I tried to plan for the worst case scenario financially (ex. not being able to work, having to live off disability, selling our house, moving to a less expensive neighbourhood etc.) and once I had THAT settled in my mind (ie. not my first choice, but doable if necessary) I felt a bit better. As for the what if's with my eyes, I force myself not to think about that - very hard at first but gets easier the more you practice - there is nothing I can do about my eyes other than do my best to maintain them for now, so why waste mental energy on that when I have better things to do, right? (totally easier said than done to get to that point, but I think most people get there eventually, so odds are you will too!

Hang in there... you'll see... you'll figure out ways to manage your eyes, and if you're lucky, they may even get totally better!

[lulu]

Dont waste time thinking about what you could have done to prevent this, its only helpfull if you think that you are still doing the thing that you think may have been responsible, other than that now move onto to tactics for getting through the day. I have to break my day into 15 minute chunks at times as if I did not, the discomfort could threaten to overwhelm me. I think that you do have to concentrate on the good things in your life and if they are not apparent, you would be surprised where you can find them. I used to be like you and in the end I became "jumpy" everytime I noticed another sensation and if it went on longer than it had done (progressed). I ended up very scared and lost confidence and it was only the luck of the draw that things did settle down at that time. Okay they have got worse again but I think over time, you really transit into a form of acceptance where you realise that life will not be the same again, not as it was but sometimes I feel I have become a better person because of this. I truly appreciate the things I never bothered to take a second look at and I think I actually appreciate life more, in an odd way. Things are logistically more difficult but I am more contemplative of life and dont perhaps bother about the things I used to.
Obviously this all takes time but it does happen to a degree. I still get panics where I feel like running away from myself but over the years I know I have no option but to make a "new" life for myself and try to grab the happiness where I can. Hang on in there.
Lulu x

[bakunin]

I'm still not able to fully accept it.

Since I don't know the causes, I don't blame myself, even though I had Lasik done in 2005. This month will be the first birthday of my dry eyes. Last year I blamed the corporation where I worked (a public bank, owned by the state). I still think that not planned oversized AC close to me had a huge amount of guilt in my dry eyes. But the anger against the corporation, and nothing I could do, made me realize that it was better to me trying not to blame anyone.

I'm not living with anger, but I don't accept I will have to "live" like this for de rest of my life. I still have hope I will be fine some day.

[sunshinelover]

Ionan not accept it ei in Januaryther. Right now I am ön vacation with three friends ön Ibiza. A trip planned ön my initiative in January when eyes were still fine. Now I am sitting at my hotel room at nights when the others are partying at the famous Ibiza clubs until morning. The flight here was horrible, eyes dried out completely. I sooo used to enjoy lyinon. on the beach, wind in my face reading a book... not so now. Drink wine doesnt work either. I have become a bore, I am not who I used to be at all. Hate it! T,

[sazy123]

Ionan not accept it ei in Januaryther. Right now I am ön vacation with three friends ön Ibiza. A trip planned ön my initiative in January when eyes were still fine. Now I am sitting at my hotel room at nights when the others are partying at the famous Ibiza clubs until morning. The flight here was horrible, eyes dried out completely. I sooo used to enjoy lyinon. on the beach, wind in my face reading a book... not so now. Drink wine doesnt work either. I have become a bore, I am not who I used to be at all. Hate it! T,

I know what you mean. I can socialize still. But I find working 40 hour week almost impossible. I've almost given up on having a career. My job is so easy thar I can just about manage it with dry eye. Relationships are the hardest for me..

[Rebecca Petris]

I don't remember ever thinking about how to accept it - probably because I never did, till I had, if that makes sense. But I'm tempted to say... you know the proverbial remedy for a pain in your elbow... drop something on your foot Not meaning to be too facetious on a serious topic but the distractions of life, whether in the form of intentional pursuits or just other, bigger problems that come one's way - really can be pretty helpful.

[ishkane]

I'm not sure if this helps to accept things (I still don't think I have), but it helps to celebrate the small things. A good "eye" day, a drop that helps, picking out sunglasses... I find the better I am at stuff like that, the less depressed I feel, and the more I'm able to function with my dry eyes.

[wearegood]

Sad to say, but this is what my life is. Just expect something to cure it ASAP.

[gormz]

Thanks for all the replies. A lot of great answers and what i basically glean from a lot of you is to focus on all the positive things going on in your life and try to stay busy. The more youre preoccupied with other things the less time youre preoccupied with your eyes.

I guess ive been tending to focus on all the negative things that have resulted because of my dry eye. Ive also been thinking of all the things i can't do now because of my dry eye. I realize its a terrible mindset to have and i really should be focusing on the positive things in my life and focus on things that i can still do even with my dry eye.

[lulu]

Its not a terrible mindset to have, its completely normal to feel like this when something has changed the daily routine and you have little control over it, dont be too hard on yourself, you have enough problems, really it just takes time to get a bit "more used" to it. It is never easy and one must re evaluate everything and hopefully one day at a time, you will not even notice it in the beggining, you will be able to take it on board very gradually. Never stop looking for something that will help you though, accept it by all means but that does not mean that you have to stop being your own best researcher.
Lulu x

[zuzu70]

I haven't accepted it yet. Not by a longshot. But something I do to make myself feel better is this (and I have used this many times in my life with other problems and hardships): My basic example of the most suffering I know anyone to have gone through is someone who suffered through the Holocaust in a concentration camp. And I am not experiencing Holocaust-grade suffering, not anything even remotely in the ballpark. Therefore, I have reason to be grateful and happy.

[jenny2008]

my days are so up and down with sjogrens and themgd.. its been over 5 years and i am FINALLY starting to accept it..have been in therapy for years-it did nothing..basically tough love from my parents ,sis and friends kind of helped--although it hurt at the time and i have been doing hynotherapy and getting my emotions out--it is so much better than reg counseling--it gets inside -what you are realy feeling..

anyway,, today i feel a lot better so im n a way better mood.. i havent been able to work for over 2 years but was awared disability a year ago and fortunately i had a good job that provded and still does provide long term disability... I still live on a budget tho and medicare is not as good as reg anthem insurance..but at 37 at least i have coverage-when i called for plans it was over $500 a month and they wouldnt cover pre-existing..ridiculous.

ok .so my point is--you wil prob have 'good days' and 'not so good days'...... some of the people esp SAAG has really helped me and been inspirational..

maybe when you stop trying to accept it the acceptance will start to come.. but dont give up hope... we never know what can happen.. new things come out all the time. meds, surgeries,, sometimes even self healing... i pray a lot too

PS.. I can relate to Sazy-relationships are the hardest.. i have not been able to sustain one throughout this and i loathe dating now where before i was super confident. but i am going to get that back.. to hell with whoever doesnt like that i have to put eyedrops in--sometimes very often!!! they are not worth my time!

[dryeye4ever]

i still havent accepted it because it was accidental. I got it from my laptop, i told that to my ophtha, he said computers and technology of today dont screw up the eyes and i agree. The problem is brightness, brightness will just dry your tears in the long run. An lcd filter (anti glare screen) would have saved me today. This accident just made me realize how we humans are so fragile and that health is far more important then everything, dont you agree? this is absolutely ridiculous, it has made me a stronger person. Also my family doesnt understand anything. This was all accidental, im 22 and as ive been told, my case is curable but it will be hard.