Losing hope...

[Hemu]

I've posted about my specifics before in this page:

http://www.dryeyezone.com/talk/showt...y-eye-disaster

Few things happened after this. For one, my dermatologist confirmed that I have Rosacea(after doing a skin test). She has prescribed Oracea but I'm on Doxycycline Hyclate right now and will switch only after I consult my OD.

I am on serum tears now and it seems like I am getting better. I do have some side effects thanks to them which are increased photofobia and a tired/heavy feeling from time to time. However, overall, my vision has improved and my eyes are getting better, slowly. I am STILL Aqueous Tear Deficient but am using artificial tears less now thanks to Serum.

The thing that has been bothering me the most is that my career demands my eyes to be in a really good condition. Computer use is still very difficult for me, even with Moisture goggles (is it possible they are not working? I got the ones from tranquil eyes, I put the cartridges in water for a minute and then insert them).

I've always been really passionate about my career(I engineer videogames) and have made a lot of sacrifices to get where I am at. I moved to the US about 6 years ago to do this and now, I am faced with this really difficult predicament. Changing careers at this point is REALLY difficult for my condition. I have a Masters degree in what I do and immigration laws here really won't help me stay here if I just switch careers. Long story short, it is impossible for me to change my job if I wish to stay here, which I really do since I've built my life(both, personal and professional) here for quite a while now. Oh, and if I lose my job, I'm kicked out. Immigration laws are awesome.

What I've realized is that my eyes were always a problem. The contacts not working for me in high school was a great sign and I really wish that the people who did my LASIK would have STOPPED me from doing that especially since I told them time and again that contacts did NOT work for me back then.

Regardless, I've also come to know that other organs in my body have issues as well. My nose has always had problems and the doctor I saw had suggested a surgery about 3 months ago. I've ignored that completely since my #1 focus has been the eyes. And today, I acquired a tooth ache. Life really seems very hopeless with all this pain. Part of me just wants to travel for a couple of years and then call it quits. Funnily, whenever I think of something drastic like that, I feel a lot of relief.

This change in lifestyle has been bothering me a lot. I could chug 16-20 drinks post surgery, now I'm afraid to even go near one. Running outside in the sun was fun but now, I can't do that(Rosacea, dry eyes, LASIK all say no to that). Computer use used to be such a pleasure, now it's fighting a war. I had hoped for a positive outcome in my life and here's where I am.

I honestly don't know if I will get better. I am now almost 7 months post LASIK. Yes, I am getting better but I've had to try a lot of different things to come to this regiment. Also, the realist in me does NOT trust any regiment anymore. They work for a bit and then, their effects disappear. And if the side effects are bad, then I can't stick to that regiment. It's difficult to live with such a sensitive body. I am in good shape and just 28 even, but this surgery has highlighted the fact that I have a very sensitive face, overall. My eyes have issues(you all know about that), my skin has issues(Rosacea), my nose has issues(stuffy), my throat has issues(dry, emits mucus) and oh, so do my lips, mouth and teeth!

I've been reading about upcoming drugs in the pipeline and trying my best to find as much as I can about them. However, time is running out for me and so is hope. Like I said before, I hate having such a sensitive body. I start questioning things such as what is the point of living like this? I used to have such high career and life goals but now, all seem like an unrealistic dream to me.

This is a great place to vent about something like this since people understand the pain someone goes through here the best. I do apologize if I sound discouraging to people who are actually getting better, I'm going through a LOT and am not in a good place in life at this time.

[ferbear]

I hear you, Hemu -- you've gotta hang in there and keep fighting. It's a struggle for all of us and we're here to tell you to keep at it when it gets tough. I'm in my late 20s, too, and really experiencing how difficult the dry eye is in my career (I'm an attorney and pretty much have to be on the computer 10 hours a day). Our conditions are different (I'm more in the MGD camp--narrowly avoided PRK a few years back! Thankfully.) but I know how you're feeling. Give your regimen and the new treatment time to work, and believe that it will get better. One thought process that's been helpful for me is to tell myself: if down the road I look back and had one or two years of being miserable with dry eyes, but I got through it and got better, I will be proud and it will be worth it. Take a mulligan on those years and give yourself a pass; your true friends and career will still be there.

[Pinky]

Hi Hemu,
Although I have not had Lasik, my systemic symptoms are similar to yours. I'm in the process of pursuing a new treatment called ProKera developed by Dr. Tseng in Floria. There's a doctor using the treatment in your area.

http://www.dryeyezone.com/talk/showt...Prokera-update

[bakunin]

Hi Hemu,

Moisture Chamber Glasses protect against low humidity, wind, fumes etc. But if my eyes hurt in front of a screen they would not help me much as well. When my eyes are very bad (I suppose very inflammed despite being always white), using computer is difficult to me, even with the glasses.

You say you have many health issues. Like you, I think of my eyes all the time, and let some other health issues untreated. But I think it is not the right thing to do.

littlemermaid posted a nice video, about functional medicine, and the treatment of all health issues as one problem, and not as different problems:

http://www.tedmed.com/videos-info?na...dated&year=all

I wish you all the best,

[Hemu]

For starters, thank you all for your responses. Even having someone hear(empathize) this and respond to it makes me feel a little better.

Ferber, thanks for your encouragement. I'm glad you were able to dodge PRK. I'm working on being more optimistic. The perfect analogy I can think of is that I'm balancing myself on a tightrope when it comes to life. If anything messes up for me (career, immigration, health), it's going to be disastrous from where I am currently at.

Pinky, please do let me(and everyone else) know how Prokera turns out to be for you. I am going to hold off anything new for aleast 6 months from now. I've already tried a LOT and have found a regiment that needs to be given some time before I start something else.

Bakunin, is there anything else one could wear when using the computer to not feel like that? It'll be really neat if there were goggles that actually sprayed some water or something.
I really enjoyed watching that Ted Med video. I might actually consider functional medicine for myself. Even if it gives me a better idea of my body and a means to cope with possible systemic disorders that could be causing this, it might be worth it. However, I will consult a few people before I try that. I might explore that option sometime at the beginning of next year or end of this year.

This also makes me a little ashamed of what I am producing for this society. Maybe, I should consider working in biotechnology, where I can use my computing skills for helping produce some device that can measure your tears for you. You know, like a tear thermometer. Since dry eyes are so ridiculously variable throughout the day, maybe the patient could record his/her tear production 4-5 times a day for a month and then provide all of that recorded information to the doctor via that device. The doctor can then use that data to prescribe medicines?

Would be even neater if that device could measure the tear constituency(how much mucin do you have, how much aqueous and how much oil do your tears have, etc). I've heard of the tear lab test but my understanding is that all it tells you is whether you have dry eyes or not. I know of my problems now but the first 3-4 months of suffering could've been avoided if we atleast knew what the hell the problem was.

[bakunin]

Bakunin, is there anything else one could wear when using the computer to not feel like that? It'll be really neat if there were goggles that actually sprayed some water or something.

This one releases moisture (by evaporation): http://www.dryeyeshop.com/tranquiley...wear-p399.aspx

I drop water on the foam of my Wiley-X with a dropper.

[Hemu]

Those are the ones I have. They are not helping as much as I'd like, unfortunately.

I'll be installing a warm mist humidifier in my office soon.

Will there ever be medicine that will INCREASE tear production other than Restasis? I've been reading about EGP-437, CF101 and some other drugs that have finished phase 3 and atleast CF101 even published promising results. Does anybody know by when will these come out?

I have read that the earliest EGP-437 could come out is end of 2013.

[jax8it]

Hi Hemu,

I can't answer your question about the new drug. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Your story is almost like mine too. I hate what LASIK has done to every aspect of my life. Everyday is a struggle. But I refuse to give up. I have a "new" normal life. I have a regime I perform everyday too. Some days my eyes do not hurt that bad and then other days my eyes hurt so bad that they feel like I have shards of glass in them. I can completely empathize with you. I keep hoping with time things will improve.
All the best,
Bianca

[Hemu]

Hi Hemu,

I can't answer your question about the new drug. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Your story is almost like mine too. I hate what LASIK has done to every aspect of my life. Everyday is a struggle. But I refuse to give up. I have a "new" normal life. I have a regime I perform everyday too. Some days my eyes do not hurt that bad and then other days my eyes hurt so bad that they feel like I have shards of glass in them. I can completely empathize with you. I keep hoping with time things will improve.
All the best,
Bianca

Hey Bianca,

I am trying to be hopeful and I'm even going to visit my therapist early next week to work on my stress issues thanks to this. I'm sorry to hear how much pain you have been in as well. I read some of the posts you've made earlier and it reminds me of the suffering I've been experiencing all this time as well.

I feel sorrow for every one of us who is suffering with this pain. My life has transformed from being a really productive and fulfilling to one where I am trying to exist as well as I can. I do think I am in a desperate situation here. I do realize that it is completely up to me to get myself out of this situation. However, I have tried a lot of regiments and been hopeful for quite a while now! You guys offering your support helps. It does help to know that I am not alone in this. At the same time, I do feel bad that a lot of us are suffering. I'm trying to just be inspired by the courage that every one of you is demonstrating dealing with this.

The fact that I have practically everything that could go wrong with my eyes sucks big time. The fact that I have MGD, Rosacea and Aqueous Tear Deficiency really blows. While I have managed to combat the first two with decent success, the third problem is being such a *****, it's frustrating me quite a bit. I realize that this natural emotional response is not helping me, but it's so frustrating to have so few treatments in the market and no medications(or treatments) work for you.

I decided to make a list of things that I can be hopeful for. Just yell at me if I'm saying anything stupid here:

List of things I am going to be hopeful for(in the near future):

1. Improvement in my eye health, particularly my aqueous tear deficiency as time progresses
2. Improvement in my overall well being (DES has made me a different person. I used to be a lot....happier)
3. A new drug or treatment that comes out that helps ALL of us
4. Getting back a grip on my life (I used to think I didn't have enough of that even before DES, LOL. Things change with circumstances so easily).

I once again apologize if I am being too negative. I really want to get better and I want ALL of us here to get better.

I am going to take a break this December and just get out of town somewhere peaceful. I'll be trying not to think too much about DES when I am on that vacation, lol.

[soaps]

Hi hemu
Very similar story only my eyes are not improving much so likely to not return to work. i was always smiling now post lasik (7 months ago )i try my hardest to laugh as negative thinking only ends up in red eyes. but it's very hard i know especially when you are in your twenties . i praise God that he is giving me stren ght to get through each day.
i have nearly exhausted all treatme options but have hope . this verse keeps me going habakkuk 3:17-19
Feel free to pm me. have a lovely holiday

[Pinky]

"Pinky, please do let me(and everyone else) know how Prokera turns out to be for you."

It's going to take some time to bring ProKera to Canada, below is some info I just received from the distributor. Patients in the US are very fortunate that this treatment is currently being offered in Houston and Miami.

Prokera is an unlicensed medical device and can only be imported into Canada under Health Canada’s Special Access Program. As such, Labtician cannot promote the sales of such a device. Please speak to your physician regarding your thoughts on using such a product and, If the doctor is in agreement, then a Special Access Request must be sent to Health Canada by your doctor. If Health Canada grants permission to import the device, Labtician will be notified, at which point we would be permitted to import the device and make it available to your doctor.