I’m really not doing well

[Shell259]

My eyes have been dry since Last year, but things got bad in April.
My eyes are now full of red veins and general redness, it makes me cry every time I look in the mirror as I’ve always liked my appearance and now I completely hate myself (I’m 28). It makes me so sad every day.
I’m so angry at myself so staying in my office job for too long when I knew it was causing me trouble. I’m angry at my boyfriend (who I shouldn’t have been with anyway for multiple other reasons) for telling me I was an idiot if I quit my job.
I lived in Asia prior to this and all I have wanted to do is get back out there, but now that’s not going to happen because of the heat, travel and air con etc and also because of the way I look now, I wouldn’t be able to go back and do the bar work I was doing.
The only person I really have is my boyfriend, but I use the term losely. He has been awful to me in the past and lives a 2 hour drive away.
I just can’t believe I let him get in my head and didn’t quit my job when I knew I should have.
Now I have terrible dry eye and I can’t bare to look at myself in the mirror.
If I could choose to not be here anymore I would, as I don’t really see much ahead of me apart from regret and forever feeling hugely self conscious about how I now look.
It was just so avoidable and I was so happy before this and wanting to travel the world. Now I don’t want to live the rest of my life.
Im not going to do anything stupid but if I could choose to not be here I would.

[quattroboy]

Hi Shell259 That is sad to hear but we can all relate.

On Wednesday evening I got really angry with it all, threw my drops and antidepressants across the room. I just felt exhausted with it.

Last time I read one of your posts you were going to visit the Dry Eye clinic in London. What did they tell you about your dry eye?

[Shell259]

quattroboy I put it off for a couple of weeks and only went this Wednesday, I was told my oil glands seem to working but not as well as they should be, that there was definitely some dysfunction there. I also had a schrimer test done with 3mm in one eye and 5mm in the other.
He gave me steroid drops (prednisolone sodium phosphate 0.5%) to use for a month.

He also suggested I may have some kind of allergy as the underside of my eyelids are bumpy, which apparently happens with an allergic reaction, otherwise they would be smooth.
So gave me catacrom to use for 2 months. With the hope that this might bring my tear production up, if it is low due to allergies.

He suggested IPL might help me as I have abnormal blood vessels along my waterline, he took a picture of these and showed me. And also mentioned I may have slight facial rosecea (sorry about spelling) so again IPL may be good for me.

Basically it’s another two month wait to go back and see if things have improved, if not he has suggest ikervis and plugs and IPL.
I was due to be going back to Asia for a friends wedding in January and I just don’t see it happening in my current state.

[quattroboy]

Please keep positive.

Sounds like you've had a first-rate examination, which has given you plenty of actions and ideas for treatment. Which means hope! Hope is a powerful thing.

Two months feels like a long time but you need to follow the treatments and believe you can learn to manage your condition.

Don't give up on your hot compresses and massages, and ensure you're getting plenty of Omega 3s in your diet. Better from real oily fish and fish oil, supplements have a mixed review for success.

[Shell259]

Yeah I know I need to keep positive but it’s hard when I seem to be living my life eye appointment to eye appointment.
I know you know the feeling as well. It’s just endless.

I was told to actually stop doing warm compresses and lid scrubs etc as the heat is bad for inflammation. I’ve had so many mixed reviews of what to do. You give up knowing who to trust.

[quattroboy]

I was told to actually stop doing warm compresses and lid scrubs etc as the heat is bad for inflammation. I’ve had so many mixed reviews of what to do. You give up knowing who to trust.

Yes heat can add too the problem. If you where told to stop, I would stop.

When do you start the IPL?

Any sign of demodex if you got rosecea?

[Shell259]

Well my next appointment is October, but I might see if I can start before that. I don’t see what harm it would do?

He didn’t mention demodex, he said I don’t have any real signs of bleph though. I had been doing tea tree oil wash, but he seemed to think I didn’t really need to be doing that.

[MGD1701]

Hi Shell

Thanks for sharing. You are on the right track since now you have a better diagnosis. Soon you will gain more relief.
When we think positively, often generate better results too, right?

Tea tree oil wash
I would say it is wise to apply it given to the fact that symptoms not always present even one has demodex.
Also if dr picks up wrong lashes, hard to detect - just not easy.
Well, prevention is better than treatment. Which brand of wash you use?

Demodex - did dr examine this? If so, how?

Lid cleanser - did dr recommend you any specific brand?

make-up: good to avoid them, they are bad for eyes, some even with BAK.

Allery - good to detect the source, dust or food??

[Shell259]

Ive been using tea tree foam from a brand called ‘I love eyes’
he didn’t test for demodex, but the other specialist I saw I think did and said they’re wasn’t anything to worry about, although I’m not sure if that was testing for demodex or bleph to be honest.

He didn’t recommend a lid cleanser, I asked him about doing lid hygiene and he said I can if I want, but it doesn’t seem to be to critical, as no bleph/ demodex.

Allery wise he he did say I should go and get tested to see what it may be. He suggested it’s probably not food, but more likely pollen or dust etc, something that would actually be getting in my eyes.

Im just so sad all the time at the moment, it’s so difficult

[MGD1701]

IPL - good you plan to do it earlier. Indeed, why not.

Good to avoid smoking enviornment as it is bad for eyes too. I personally can not stand it at all.

Vit. D, A, Zinc -- good to check these, if you have not done so.

compress
Not sure your gland/secretion status but compress helps the oil flow better.
Some doctors recommend a combination of cold and warm for people with rosacea, as optimusdryeyes wrote recently, in case you miss it:

''I went to the Berkeley dry eye center last Monday, and the doctor said my eyelids are severely inflamed...

She/Dr recommended to cut down on heat compresses because heat is a trigger for rosacea and adds to the inflammation, so you might want to ask your doctor about cold compresses in place of or in conjunction with warm compresses.''

''For the warm compress, I used to do it two times a day for 20 minutes each, so she told me to do one time before bedtime with lid massages to get the oil flowing like you mentioned, and for the cold compresses just take a cloth and rinse it with cold water and place it on your eyelids few times a day. The idea is that warm compresses are great for the blepharitis of the eye lids, but ocular rosacea is inflammatory in nature so too much heat makes things worse. You have to strike a balance between oil flowing and not aggravating it.''

[Shell259]

Yeah I was told to stop warm compresses and lid scrubs etc.
They haven’t been feeling too bad recently, I just hate my appearance now it’s really really getting me down