Can't take it anymore

[Merka]

I am so sorry that ia am this sad. I just don't want to live like this. I used to have beautiful eyes. Now they are dry, red and swollen. And nobody understands.I have seen 12 different eye doctors. Nothing is helping. My eyes are getting progressivly worse. I am not handling this well. I am crying all the time. I used to pray for god to make my eyes better, now i just keep hoping that some accident will take my life

[lizlou29]

Merka, so sorry you are feeling like this. I think many of us have felt like this at some point or feel like that right now. Obviously you need to find a good Ophthalmologist to work with until you see some improvement but what are you doing to help the toll this is taking on you mentally? Do you have counselling? Not sure where you are located but does your GP/ PCP know how you are feeling? You need support around you. I've felt the same way in the past and still have down days but it really does get better and easier to cope with. I see a therapist once a month for CBT for pain management and that has helped me a lot. It's important that you tell supportive family and friends how you are feeling. Of course we are all here on the forum for you when you want to vent.

[Merka]

Thanks for your kind words, but I just can't see how i can change things. I can't afford to see any eye docs anymore. If i go to the free chlinic i have to wait 5 months and probably i will end up with some lousy doc. In my country people don't have dry eyes and doctors keep pushing me to use drops and they don't understand how they ar not helping me at all. Restasis and steroid drops are not allowed. So the only treatment here available is lubricating drops that are pointless.

Second, I can't afford to buy any lubricating eye drops, I was using one pack per day (it makes 10 euros every day). But i don't have my job anymore. I don't have any family either and my friends just don't understand. I wish I had my mother here with me. So i really can't understand how it is going to get easier.

[DryLondoner]

Thanks for your kind words, but I just can't see how i can change things. I can't afford to see any eye docs anymore. If i go to the free chlinic i have to wait 5 months and probably i will end up with some lousy doc. In my country people don't have dry eyes and doctors keep pushing me to use drops and they don't understand how they ar not helping me at all. Restasis and steroid drops are not allowed. So the only treatment here available is lubricating drops that are pointless.

Second, I can't afford to buy any lubricating eye drops, I was using one pack per day (it makes 10 euros every day). But i don't have my job anymore. I don't have any family either and my friends just don't understand. I wish I had my mother here with me. So i really can't understand how it is going to get easier.

Hi Merka,

So sorry you are going through this.
What country are you in? I ask because hopefully others will be able to give you advice about how you can access Healthcare you obviously need.

I to have been through a tough time, and psychologically it's a very draining and damaging disease. But I am making progress and am determined to get better.

Look on here for stories about people who have overcome dry eyes. Read the triumph section. This is probably something which had helped me the most.

I wish you the best.

DL

[Guest]

You're not alone

Hi Merka,

Firstly please know you're not alone. I used to have big, beautiful eyes and feel the same despair when looking in the mirror.

I am just wondering if any of these 12 doctors have told you what they thought it might be? Did none of them have any suggestions?

When did this redness occur? Was it a gradual thing or did it happen suddenly overnight? Were there any triggers that might have cause it.

There could be a variety of things behind it. It could be allergies (do you know if you are allergic to anything in particular?)

I have a feeling (although I can diagnosis you, I am not a doctor!) that it could be MGD (Meibomian Gland Dysfunction) http://www.aapos.org/terms/conditions/141

All of us have glands vertically near our eyelashes. The glands produce essential oils we need to lubricate our eyes so our tear film works properly - if the tear film doesn't work properly it gets irritated and very red. Your glands might be struggling to produce these oils because they may be blocked.

If they are blocked you need to use a warm compress daily (twice, or once, whatever you feel necessary) to unblock them. Get a clean flannel and run it under some hot water (not too hot you don't want to scold yourself!) keep it over your eyes for five to ten minutes, you can reheat it as necessary. You can buy proper eye masks that last longer http://www.amazon.co.uk/Altacor-Blep.../dp/B00B1CJRCI but I know money is an issue for you.

I have been diagnosed with blepharitis http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/blephar...roduction.aspx which is the inflammation of the eyelids which, in turn, makes the eyes very red and very dry. To control this you need to keep your eyelids clean by gently scrubbing along the eyelashes with either a diluted mild shampoo (like baby shampoo). I use a tea tree wash and just gently clean round my eyelids (with my eyelids closed of course) idea is to remove any debris or bacteria which is building up in your eyelashes. I do this once a day and like I stress very gently.

Your eyes may be very dry so to help you can use a lubricating eye drop but big warning a lot of eyedrops out there contain harmful preservatives and are better to use sparingly or finding a drop which is 'perservative free' don't overdo eye drops, 3 - 4 times a day is the regular amount unless you really feel it is necessary to use more.

Your diet can help too, eat more veg, lots of fish and drink plenty of water.

I am sorry if you already know all this, just trying to cover any areas you may not know about.

My eyes were very inflamed earlier this year, I have had plugs put in to my lower tear ducts to keep my natural tears lubricating your eye. I wonder if this is an option where you are based? I know how painful it is and how it mentally drains you and destroys your confidence, my eyes are getting (slowly but surely) better now. A lot of people here have come out the other end smiling. Please don't give up hope.

Claire

[Merka]

That is the point, I am doing everything that you suggested (warm compresses, drops that I need 20 times per day just to get through the day (sometimes I just keep ointment in my eye all the time). I have all 4 plugs. First, I had lowers it made my eyes better for a week, but since they are getting dryer and dryer i needed to have uppers also. I don't have any allergies.

Redness came overnight, actually one evening I looked in the mirror and my eyes were red.

I don't have any idea what might be causing it. Doctors just say that my eyes are very dry.

I just can't understand what I am going wrong, that my eyes are getting dryer by a day.

[Guest]

Hi again,

With me my redness started with a mild case of blepharitis. My eyes were so red and inflamed - and because I wasn't getting the proper diagnosis by any doctor - I began pouring in dry eye drops and ointments. It took me a long time to realise it wasn't the blepharitis that was damaging my eyes anymore (I kept that under control with the lid hygiene) it was actually all the drops I was using.

I think ointments don't let your eyes properly 'breathe' the greasy coating isn't a healthy layer for your tear film to do it's job. I was slathering my eyes with vita pos which is a thick eye ointment and was getting more and more upset when more red veins developed - so I used more ointment. It was a vicious cycle.

I think you're overdoing the drops and ointment. I thought I needed it to get through the day but it was the drops that were making my eyes bad in the first place. I know it's scary to try but why not reduce the amount of drops and lay off the ointment completely? My eyes have got better since I've stopped.

[Merka]

I have tried not to put drops, but if i stops then small pieces of my eyeball (cannot describe better) are coming out. Maybe it is corneal erosion, I don't know. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Guest]

I have tried not to put drops, but if i stops then small pieces of my eyeball (cannot describe better) are coming out. Maybe it is corneal erosion, I don't know. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Sorry I don't understand what you mean by parts of your eyeball? I have had to lay off the drops for weeks before I started seeing any improvement. It's a slow progress. Do not tamper with your eyes more than you have to, especially if you feel the surface is eroding. I was told after all my weeks of overdoing the eye drops that I had developed evaporative dry eye.

Please try to stop the ointment and use drops sparingly, have you checked what chemicals are in the drops you are using? Can you tell me what they are?

[Dog2012]

With me my redness started with a mild case of blepharitis. My eyes were so red and inflamed - and because I wasn't getting the proper diagnosis by any doctor - I began pouring in dry eye drops and ointments. It took me a long time to realise it wasn't the blepharitis that was damaging my eyes anymore (I kept that under control with the lid hygiene) it was actually all the drops I was using.

I think ointments don't let your eyes properly 'breathe' the greasy coating isn't a healthy layer for your tear film to do it's job. I was slathering my eyes with vita pos which is a thick eye ointment and was getting more and more upset when more red veins developed - so I used more ointment. It was a vicious cycle.

I think you're overdoing the drops and ointment. I thought I needed it to get through the day but it was the drops that were making my eyes bad in the first place. I know it's scary to try but why not reduce the amount of drops and lay off the ointment completely? My eyes have got better since I've stopped.

I totally agree !!

[Merka]

Thank you all for your kind words. I am so emotional these days that everythings makes me cry, so did your words - to see someone has a little interest how I am doing. Any tips on how to stop crying because it is making my eyes worse?

I don't understand either that "parts of my eyeball" very well. It's like sometimes when I blink, I get blurry vision and then I loook in the mirror and I see that something is on my eyeball and when I try to remove it, I see that it is attached to my eyeball and it moves around on my eyeball. Any idea?

I am using preservative free eyedrops and Vitapos ointment. I try to stop overusing them. I think my eyes are constantly like what you call flare-up. I really hope quitting drops makes them better, because right now my eyes are so bad that I even can't go outside.

[Merka]

One thing I have learned that eyes need time and rest to heal. I have one question, I talked to my grandmother today and she suggested that I could move in with her for a year (currently I am living in a rental apartment with central heating and air con and I go to university where is also air con and where I need to use computer a lot). And probably I have to find a job (and there is probably air con and it is compuer related). So would it be crazy to leave my life in town (my granny lives in a very small town, if u can call it that - population 25 000 people and move to my granny's house, where is no central heating, take academic term from university and no to go to work and just try to get better emotionally and eyely (just made that word up I think). So other word I would be putting my life on hold. That thought scares me a little. Does it sounds reasonable?

Because right now i feel that my eyes are not getting better because I have to be constantly rooms where is air con, central heating and because I have to use computer. Also prapearing healthy meals is difficult cuz all the time I am so buzy studying or being in classes (sometimes I have to study overnight for exams and it is really hard on my eyes).

So should I do move? Is there hope that if I move, my eyes are getting better? Is one year enough? There I would have all the time in the world to meditate, prapare healty home grown veggie meals and breathe fresh air

[Guest]

Ah! So you are using vita pos too? I think that - although thick lubricants may help some - I personally feel they upset the natural balance of the eyes. If you think about it, you're using warm compresses to open up and encourage oils from your glands but then you're just clogging them, and the surface of your eye, up with ointment.

What I did was I kept a diary, noting how many drops I was using and how my eyes were reacting. From the notes I can see that only after significantly reducing the amount of drops I used (to two or three a day) did I start to see improvements. This can take weeks to work so do not despair and keep trooping on.

Did you tell any of the doctors how many drops you were using a day? I didn't tell my eye consultant this (I thought it was a normal medical necessity putting it in as often as I was) when I did tell my consultant that I have abused the drops he said this could well be what triggered the inflammation. In fact he said even preservative free drops has the potential to be harmful in large doses.

You have plugs in so let your natural tears do their work. You have been washing them away with artificial solutions so your eyes may feel very raw. I'm wondering if the growth on your eye that your describing is a pinguela? Is it raised like a little bump and yellow in colour? What does it look like?

Whether you chose to leave your studies is really up to you. It's great your gran is being so supportive. I think if it is taking a toll on your studies then it may be worth the consideration. I'm taking a 'break' ATM until my eyes recover, there's no shame in it. If it's affecting you physically and emotionally you need to concentrate on your own wellbeing. This is a blip and you will overcome it. The veins have the ability to recede. Mine are, very slowly but surely!

Look up the term 'rebound redness' which can happen from the abuse of eyedrops. Also, look into vitamins that can help. Seabuckthorne oil omega 3 is a good one for reducing redness and inflammation. I take four capsules a day. Plus bilberry capsules and b12 vitamins.

[littlemermaid]

Merka, Is air conditioning and computer work the cause of your eye trouble? or is there something still unaddressed or untreated like contact lens wear, infection, medication?

Have you registered for a regular 5m Ophthalmology appointment at the free clinic for advice? Better than nothing and at least you would have a cornea check in the Spring. You could pay a specialist again meanwhile if you can find one you can work with and raise the cash? Can the University fast-track you to the free clinic as urgent if needed? Is there a cheaper option like a dry eye Optometrist you can use for ongoing discussions?

Is there pastoral Student Support or advice/help in your University for people who start medical conditions? Anyone else at all who you think would help, even Department Secretary or Tutor? It is part of their job and responsibility and these days University management monitor how it is handled.

Can you avoid working at night to keep up with course work and assignments? Is it better to work in early mornings?

Thank goodness you have the support of your grandmother - does she need you too? We will help you all we can here and send you so much sympathy.

Can you use wraparound sunglasses with moisture seals, computer goggles, and an eye mask at night? http://www.dryeyezone.com/

Taking time out of a University course is not unusual, I know. And students come back refreshed. But normally people work part-time for money or volunteer as part of the recovery - is this possible? Sometimes study and computer is a large part of our lives but we can try other work for a while (I was in learning support for children for a few years, that was a good part-time job).

This is a difficult time but treat yourself very kindly, forgiving, honestly and gently while you are feeling ill. Also it is difficult to accept bad times as a 'normal' part of life.

[Merka]

I don't belive that air-con and computer work is the cause of my dry eyes. I have never worn contact lenses or glasses, I have never had an eye infection. My eyes were perfect. I never understood expression "my eyes are tired", I had never felt that my eyes were tired and they never looked red, even not a little red. My eyes were always brite white.

I just don't understand how it is possible to live with these eyes. I can't even go outside, I can't do anything (doesn't matter if computer related or not) that requires focusing more than 10 minutes without my eyes burning. My eyes burn even when I keep them closed.