Announcement

**Rojzen** · 17-Aug-2007, 17:19

in steps and stages; but surely

Erin - - Please, please do not hate yourself. . .You are coping better than many others I have known, including myself, so soon after the onset of DES. . .You may not currently feel able to escape the temptation to blame yourself, but the objective reality is that there is no way to know why the DES developed. . .or exactly how, in a given case. . .To the extent that the disorder is multifactorial, there is, in a sense, no way that one CANNOT have contributed causally, to some degree. . .In other words, we all are both responsible and NOT responsible for what happens to our bodies. . .If possible, try not to allow that concern to add to the suffering. . .because no blame can justly be assigned to us or to our choices, in this complex context. . .

How about working on one tiny thing for now: bringing your outlook to the point at which it is possible for you to hope and to assume that you will get better. Now this is no small task. . .and what I personally have found necessary, to get me just to that point of being able to hope, has been outside help. . .Therapy, medication, brain food supplementation. . .Our kind of depression is situational, in many cases, rather than endogenous. . .But the good news is that treatments for depression work equally well on the two kinds. . .

You've probably seen my posts on this before. . and I am such a bore about this. . .But if I could take your hand, I would walk you to the nearest vitamin shop, and have a field day, shopping with you for some of the excellent supplements that are proving powerful for depression. There are amino acids. . .There is St. John's Wort. . .There are the Oils that we take already, for our eyes. . .And.. .my all-time favorite: nutritional-level doses of Lithium Orotate or Lithium Aspartate.

If these didn't work quickly, our next trip would be to the Internist, for a trial Rx of a good and relatively fast-acting anti-depressant. . .

I can't think of anyone who is strong enough to deal with our kind of eye problem while being crushed by depression and despair. . .Give yourself permission to grab help for the latter. . .and then all the possibilities for healing those eyes will become clearer. . .

**liz56** · 18-Aug-2007, 07:55

Keep hoping

Hi, Erin.

I am so sorry to hear that you are so young and just getting started with these problems! You deserve better, and, who knows, it may be some kind of hormonal change, and it may get better. There are also so many new things available today that were not a long time ago, and that, too, gives us some hope.

Rojzen, your posts always make me feel so much better! I have trouble believing that anyone could cope better with this problem than you do.

Rebecca's list of five things that help in her pinned thread under this forum contains such good advice. I find myself re-reading it when I feel low. This has been a hard week for me, too. After going for two months with no erosions, I had three this week, two of which were last night. I had surgery yesterday (not too bad-- in and out of the hospital in five hours), and all I could think about were my eyes. Any other problem takes a second seat.

Keep posting here, Erin. We know how you feel; this problem can be a really lonely one, but this board makes it less so.

Take care,
Liz

**erinlins** · 18-Aug-2007, 08:48

Thank you for the replies.

I just can't imagine living like this being only 22. I can not start my career I worked so hard for and my social life which was once non stop is non existant. I know it was all my fault with my contacts. I had the opportunity to switch brands and never did so. Now my nerves do not work. I just want to die most days. Its horrible.

**dianat** · 18-Aug-2007, 10:53

Erin,

You really are beating yourself up an awful lot. I don't know you, but I'm certain that if you knew you were harming yourself by abusing contacts, you would not have continued the bad habits, correct? Heck, we were all invincible in our teens and twenties.

I elected LASIK eye surgery and allowed a doc to cut into my precious healthy tissue and destroy my nerves. I felt guilty for a long, long time, but found that I was much healthier mentally when I decided not to hate my LASIK surgeon and especially not myself.

I realize you cannot just suddenly decide not to blame yourself, but you really need to at least work on it. Decide that you are a determined, resourceful person who will find a way to help control or fix your eye problems. Allow yourself to be energized by these positive thoughts; it'll do you a great deal of good. It'll be work, but it's really the only healthy choice you have if you care enough to live your life.

I do know that dry eye discomfort and the way it affects our entire lives is extremely depressing. Only those who experiencing it or who are very near to it could understand this. I equate it to what it would be like to lose a limb. This would be no small matter. But the eye condition is not so easily explained. There's isn't an obvious outward sign, making it extraordinarily difficult to communicate our limitations with those around us.

Indeed, dry eye is not for the feint of heart.

Please know, Erin, the mental condition you are in right now is a very normal part of dealing with the onset of severe dry eye. It is the worst part of the process. Please, find the energy to push on. If you need to treat your depression for now using pharmacological means, do so. Talk to family and friends and your doctor. Continue to communicate with us here.

I promise you will make progress. It may be slow, but you will. You will find a manageable place for your eyes eventually. They may or may never be great, but you'll arrive somewhere and you'll suddenly notice you are living again. Your dry eye condition may direct you to people and places where you may never have gone before. The impact could be extremely positive.

The depression I battled is now gone, but I learned so much about myself, human suffering and the value of the gifts present in my life. I do live now. I am no longer consumed by my discomfort. I take care of myself, my family, and I ride my bike great distances for fun. (Yes, I found a sport where I can wear goggles and appear well-outfitted instead of like a goon.)

Yes, life is good even with dry eye.

Diana

**Amy09** · 19-Aug-2007, 23:34

erin, i'm so sorry about what your are going through right now and completely sympathize w/ you... depression is such a dark, dark place. while reading your post it brought back memories, and trust me, a few years ago I felt almost EXACTLY how you felt. i apologize for the EXTREMELY LONG post, but i have so much to say, because i really want you to find relief.

i've had severe dry eye since i was fourteen (i'm 20 years old now). i've seen over 10 eye doctors over the past 6 years and to this day none of them are completely sure as to why i got dry eye, but one big possiblity is that it was contact induced- just like you. and just like you, it happened in a split second.. i went to bed with my eyes feeling and looking fine, and i woke up with painful red eyes. for the next four years all i could think of was, "if only i could redo that day" or "if only i wouldn't have worn contacts" or a number of other things.

i know you are going through a tough time right now, but you have to believe me- this was not your fault and this will get better with time. i don't know your beliefs, but as a Christian i feel that everything happens for a reason. while in high school i absolutely hated dry eye.... by my senior year i felt i was going through hell. waking up at 5 in the morning and sitting through 8 hours of classes with only a 15 min. lunch break was difficult, so i can imagine how hard trying to balance dry eye and a career would be. also, i was in so much pain that it was hard for me to get out and socialize anymore. i became very self concious about my red, swollen eyes, having to wear glasses, and no longer being able to wear eye makeup. i didn't feel like i had anyone to talk to about what i was going through, being so young, like yourself.... but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. there are tons of things you can do to start feeling better about yourself and to get your life back on track. here are many options for you:

-find a good opthalmologist who is supportive of your feelings and determined to help you find some relief, even if it means going through several doctors until you find a good one.

-try different options for treating dry eye. this site offers TONS of possibilites- everything from using compresses, to lid scrubs, to overnight gels, to Restasis, to even surgery. it may take some time until you find something that seems to work a little for you. it took me several years to find a little relief, but it does happen.

-don't be afraid to come here and express your opinions. there are so many people here that are going through the same things as you and understand your pain. everyone here has their own tips about what works well for them.

-if you need to, talk to a doctor who deals with depression.

-take life a day at a time... i still struggle with this one, but it makes all the difference to do this rather than worrying about how this will affect you in the future.

-the one advantage to having dry eye at a young age is that we have a lot of time for doctors to be find more successful dry eye solutions. who knows, ten years from now there may be an actual CURE for this!

-as for redness and swelling, i know how frustrating this can be as we are so young and should be looking "vibrant and youthful", but your confidence should build with time. when i went to college i found some of the most amazing friends who like me for my personality and they don't seem to care about appearances. i mean, isn't personality something that matters most in the end? before my problems with dry eye i was the master flirt, but after dry eye i thought i'd never be in a relationship again because no guy would want to date a girl with eyes like mine. well, last year, despite dry eye and glasses, i was in a relationship w/ a very kind guy. and i know it sounds cliche, but if someone doesn't like you for your appearance then they weren't a true friend in the first place. i used to be afraid to look in the mirror, but now my confidence is so much higher, so i have faith that you can do the same. trust me- it is possible to build confidence, find great friends, find a significant other, and have a healthy social life all while dealing w/ dry eye.

-Rojzen said it perfectly when she said, "we all are both responsible and NOT responsible for what happens to our bodies"... although you shouldn't feel guilty for what has happened to your eyes, you CAN take this experience and become responsible by preventing your eyes from becoming more damaged in the future. therefore, be extra kind to your eyes... this can be hard for people our age because there are crazy hours, parties, etc. i've just had to face the facts that i can't live on as little of sleep as my friends, it will take me longer to prepare for my day (b/c of dry eye treatments), and i can't abuse alcohol like them when we go out. try doing the same and try your hardest not to compare yourselves to others your age. just do what is best for you (you know your limit).

-whatever you do, don't give up.... do anything you can to get over the hurdle of coming to terms with dry eye so that you can live a relatively normal life again. even if your personal therapy is something like closing your eyes and listening to relaxing music or taking a warm shower, just do whatever you can to get through this. i am so sorry you are dealing with depression. i am so thankful for this site and hope it helps you as much as it has helped me so vent on this site whenever you feel like it! i will be praying that things get 100% better for you!

**sazy123** · 25-Aug-2007, 17:17

Hi erinlins

Your story sounds exactly the same as mine. since my eyes went bad again last month i have not been coping well either.

I know what you mean about the contact thing. although i became intolerant to contacts before i developed this bad dry eye. But the month when i developed this bad dry eye, im starting to think what caused it to become this severe is: i was doing a trial of ortho K lenses (hard contacts which you wear whilist asleep) i dont think this a good idea for dry eyes. I know people like to think that you cant have dry eye from just contacts and there must be another reason, but like you i am too perplexed at what this reason is.. i am 22 have no autoimmune problems, good skin, no hormone deficiency, healthy, eye allergies never bothered me before- although i have been told i have some mild allergies (is this enough to cause severe dry eye? i doubt it). No one i know has eyes as bad as mine, not even most 80 year olds i come into contact with, and im sure im in alot healther state than most of them.. Just one example I have a friend with (age 47) lupus, his face is red and blotchy, he eats crap/drinks alot and smoked all his life- yet his eyes are fine-no dry eye...i know everyone differs but in theory he is alot larger risk for dry eye than me. so i have to think what seperates me from people like him? the only thing i can think of is contacts/ortho-k/or maybe antidepressant (other people can disagree if they wish). Im not saying i wasnt at a higher risk to getting dry eye, but i think if it wasnt for these external influences i mentioned, i would not have dry eye or probaly have mild dry eye now and maybe i would have developed worse dry eye when i got older.

Announcement

Majorly Depressed

Majorly Depressed

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment