How do you respond?

[odydnas]

How do you respond to someone who refers to your dry eye simply as me being a hypochondriac??

This is so frustrating!

[kimby2007]

How to respond

Part of me says cuss them out. Thats the immature me. The more sensible side says while it is difficult realize that there will be people (most people) who will never understand the pain we go through on a daily (and in most cases minute by minute) basis. As hard as it might be know that you are a better person and shrug it off as people just being narrowminded. Trust me I know it is difficult. I live with two people who think dry eye is like getting an eyelash stuck in the eye. After months of therapy I am finally realizing that I know what I feel and that has to be good enough for me and not worry about what others understand and misunderstand.

Best wishes to you and a tremendous hug!

Kim

[mary kenny badami]

Apologies in advance if I offend you or any other readers, odydnas, but my first impulse would be to reply: "BITE ME !"

Now I know that on a practical level, that might not work. I absolutely understand that WHO that person might be to you or me, and how IMPORTANT the relationship with them might be for you or me (e.g., friend, family, work colleague, etc.), whether for now and in the future, would certainly affect what you or I would decide to say or to do. But I prefer to live my life by interacting as much as possible with people who at the very least respect me . . . and that includes acknowledging the authenticity of my feelings, including my pains, whether visible or invisible to another person's view.

. . . hmm, no, the more that I think about it, given my personality and life experience, the more likely I would be to simply reply: "BITE ME !"

[kitty]

I would probably come back with a remark just as bad, like "yes, just like a diabetic is a hypochondriac, someone with high blood pressure is a hypochondriac, and so on". Some people have no tact, and no empathy for others. They are not worth your time. Stop using the term DES. Call it Keratoconjunctivitis Sicca. You don't need to explain anything beyond that.

[NYer]

Well, I'm from New York. So I would tell them to do something with themselves that is likely physically impossible.
Alternatively, or in addition to that, you might find the most gut wrenching post on this site, print it out and show it to them. And say, "THIS is what it's like to have dry eye." "Now BITE ME". (special thanks to Mary)

Oh yeah...and Kitty makes a really good point. When people saw me a few months ago and saw how thin I got, I told them I had acid reflux, so that in plain English they would know what I had, they poo-poo'd it as something you just take Tums for and big deal. I started saying, "I have a gastro-esophageal disease. That's why I've lost 27 pounds in the last two months - because I couldn't eat." All of a sudden, they were horrified and felt badly. So, yes, say you have Meiboian Gland Dysfunction or Keratoconjunctivitis Sicca.

[dianat]

The New York approach sounds perfectly acceptable to me. Or you could always refer this insensitive person to the nearest refractive surgery center/butcher shop, but that wouldn't be very humane, not to mention there would be that "good outcome" risk.

I must add you've hit on a huge frustration that I have in my post-LASIK/dry eye travels: effectively communicating the handicap. I've written about it here many times. It's just one more way LASIK complications and dry eye are so maddening.

I'd steer clear of your insensitive acquaintance, Odydnas. People who don't even try to understand aren't worth the time.

[LasikLady]

When people tell me, "Oh you JUST have dry eyes." I tell them to recall the feeling you get when you are chopping an onion or get sunscreen or shampoo in your eyes. Everyone in the world knows how those 3 sensations feel. I then say, "Now imagine that every minute of every day with no way to escape." Then they look horrified and I instantly have their sympathies.

Now in reality my dry eyes don't feel nearly as bad as any of those sensations ever, but I like to use them to get my point across to ignorant baboons.

Feel free to use those examples anytime

[odydnas]

Thank you so much for your responses! I do not know what I would do without all of you! It definitely brought a smile back to my face.

I rarely complain about my eyes, unless it's another person with DE, because people just don't get it.

I had mentioned it once at work a while ago, and today, a more upper level co-worker asked me about it and whether or not I got better. I told her that I haven't yet found an effective treatment, and it's difficult because most doctors are not very good at diagnosing exactly what is going on. She promptly responded with a, "Well, i've got a diagnosis. It's called hypochondria."

I was stunned...and therefore speechless and had no response. I felt some anger, but I did not want to offend someone in a more senior position than me. I figured, I'm already leaving work in a couple months so I probably shouldn't make a fuss about it, and cussing her out would not make me feel any better anyway. I also considered her my closest co-worker, so it definitely hurt. I have also seen her "bully" other people, and today I wasn't left out.

Mary, I think what you said: "But I prefer to live my life by interacting as much as possible with people who at the very least respect me . . . and that includes acknowledging the authenticity of my feelings, including my pains, whether visible or invisible to another person's view." is great life advice. Dry eyes is just forcing me to learn just that right now and what kind of person I do NOT want to be, while the rest of my peers are still partying it up with as many people as they can meet.

DianaT, you definitely made me laugh out loud with that "good outcome risk".

[jack_bristow]

My relatives partially believe that both my dry eye (for which I am forced to wear swimming goggles whenever near any sort of a display) and depressive tendencies are just hypochondria and weakness.

It hurts a lot when people supposedly closest to you don't get it, but I got used to it. I just continuously shrug off the feeling of being unappreciated and minimized, because indulging it means "the dry-eye terrorism wins"