Physically Exhausted by this dry eye

[kimby2007]

Anyone feel just totally worn out from dry eye? Everyday I feel just beat down by this dry eye. It is like going ten rounds or something like that. I try to treat myself every now and again but this dry eye is the pits. I am only 1 1/2 yrs in and I feel like throwing in the towel then I remember a cure can happen tomorrow. I guess I just wanted to complain tonight. Anyone who wants to share their opinions is more than welcome to reply.

Best wishes,
Kim

[Francesco]

Well today i had a very bad day too Kim....sometimes I have these days or moments of the day where really anxiety about my eyes is so much that its even hard to breath.....doesn't happen that often fortunately cause frustrating is part of my life and i got used to it....but, its very hard......a big virtual hug

[irish eyes]

Yes, it certainly does wear a person down. At times, I can feel rather resentful to those people who don't have to put up with it - isn't that an awful thing to say? (Perhaps it's my response to their making light of it all).

Anyway - we can all have a `good complain' on this site because we can feel each others' pain. Some days do seem harder to contend with.

By the way Kim - I make sure I treat myself with something nice every now and again - usual small things but I find it helps.

Francesco - yes, it's very hard. Keep going though.

[Arcaeon]

I think suffering from dry eye makes you stronger as a person because you have gone through so much chronic suffering. It does make life harder yes but just think, once we are cured, everything will seem so ridiculously easy. 'Normal' people's problems will seem absolutely trivial and stupid, and we will dominate all aspects of life.

[eva b]

Yes, Kim, I absolutely know where you are coming from.

I feel my dry eye problems run my life....which, actually, they do, because the state of my eyes governs where I can go, what I can do, who I can meet, what arrangements I can make - have to keep messing people about because you never know from day to day how you're going to feel....

It seems so pathetic, as well, because it's not a "life threatening" illness, it's just the sheer day-im-day-out grind of it all that gets you in the end.

Every morning I have to spend up to an hour doing compresses and cleaning the lid margins because it's so painful if I try to hurry. They at least 2 more lots of compresses (20 mins each time) later in the day....

not being able to look at the computer for very long most of the time - so can't have any fun learning stuff or anything, can't read for very long, can't watch TV for very long without getting very dry.

I could go on.

I am sure you all know exactly what I mean.

I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with bowel cancer, had a huge portion removed, is now on very drastic IV chemotherapy until March...and it embarrasses me hugely to see that she seems to cope with it better than I do with my comparatively trivial condition.

It's just so relentless, isn't it? no getting away from it at any time, every time you blink your eye or focus on something different you know it's there




my word...I didn't realise how bitter and twisted I was feeling until I started typing...still, as others have already said, it's nice to have somewhere we can allow it out...

[irish eyes]

Eva

You don't sound bitter and twisted at all!! You have put into words exactly how many of us feel.

A friend's partner died from cancer recently. He was elderly and he had suffered with cancer for several years. However, in the last year, some of the medication resulted in his eyes becoming dry and sore which meant that he couldn't concentrate on anything for long. Having been an avid reader and published poet, this really was a cruel blow. His partner said that he coped with the cancer far better than he did with the eye pain; he had no means of escape and his world became very small. He didn't regard it as trivial at all.

[Justpeachythx]

I can most definitely relate to everything said. What really gets me down is the ups and downs of it. I'll have a couple relatively normal days and think the worst is maybe over, and then bamm wake up in the middle of the night with my eyes stuck again. What's most exhausting is trying to figure out what I might have done/eaten/not eaten/not done that brought about a bad day. Especially when there is nothing! I spend most of the good hours that I do have during the day, so atuned to my eyes for a sign that I'm about to go downhill, that I lose the joy of those couple good hours.

I've read other posts that talk about the "acceptance" period, where you learn to just deal with it ... but it's so very hard. I'm a big believer that you "are" what you "think", and really need to do better at feeling less defeated by all this.

[Lucy]

My sister just had an operation for bowel cancer. It's her third cancer in 17 years. She has been through many surgeries besides her cancer operations. She has been in the hospital for 12 days. Has not been able to eat for 12 days, only IV nourishment. Last night she started on fluids. She is so weak that they're sending her to "rehab" so she can regain her strength in order to start chemo. I just wish she lived near me so I could help out. She lives in Pa and I offered to come and stay if she wanted. She said, "thanks, but no thanks."

Now, her third round of cancer doesn't make my eyes feel any better for sure. I still have them, still have to do the routines, wear the goggles. Last year, I went through cancer surgery and radiation for 7 weeks. If you think you're tired from eye-care (and we are) try the radiation. One young lady who was having radiation when I did (also chemo at the same time) had no hair, she was only 30 something. Cancer happens in young people more than we realize, when you're in the cancer centers and getting treatment. It's just not an old person's disease.

My point: I am not a gung ho, suck it up, sort of person.......at least not initially. I still whine about this eye stuff after 9 years and am still chasing my fix. At least I've had 9 years to LOOK for my fix. It hasn't killed me. The cancer I had can kill me. It's hiding waiting to come out. Now that's something to be afraid of, but there isn't one thing you can do about it except to follow your doctors orders and take care of your health. During the radiation and much of the year to follow, I was just too tired to care about my eyes and was in bed or sacked on the couch with eyes closed. We face what we have to face. We usually are not given a choice whether we get dry eye, or Sjogrens, or cancer. We must do the best we can and keep our feet planted solidly while taking the best care we can. Dry eyes are not the worst thing a person can have, but they certainly feel like it. We all do the best we can.

It does help to occasionally look away from ourselves and notice what others in the family or friends are experiencing. This helps us keep perspective. We need a little balance and perspective. We can't think dry eyes 24/7 or we're sunk. For what doctors look on as a nuisance, dry eye turns out to be a big fat pain in the eye, something hard to fix and also very expensive to keep in check.

Dry Eye Zone is here for a purpose and I think one of the most important is to rant when our eyes get the best of us. I can say, though, when other/worse things happen, sometimes the eyes are shoved to the back burner because of things that are life threatening and must be taken care of now. Lucy

[Rebecca Petris]

((((((Lucy))))))

Well put. I suppose we all seek (though none of us can achieve it all of the time) that precious balance between legitimately indulging and expressing our feelings about our ordeal, and broadening our perspective beyond ourselves and the immediate problem.

Sometimes dry eye pain can eclipse what would normally be considered far more serious problems, though more frequently it's the other way around. I have several acoustic neuroma patients as customers. One or two actually had an eye removed after their surgery rather than face what was expected to be excruciating, incurable dry eye. Then there's situations like Lucy's where dry eye almost turns into background noise in the context of grimmer ordeals.

[magoo]

Yes Kim, It exhausts me. I also suffer from depression and on the "good" days when I would be able to go out and do something, it seems those are the days when my eyes "act up". Many people suffer from many terrible diseases. I feel for those people....but.....their suffering and courage do not change the fact that these are my eyes that are inflamed, sore, blurry, painful etc. Keeping me inside with the blinds closed on days when I could be outside fighting my other devils.

I am having a terrible day today and I hope that my comment does not offend.

I am grateful to have found this forum and to learn after many years of suffering that I am not alone. That my pain is real and not "just dry eyes".

Lynda

[kkahthesea]

Interesting post. I've actually thought at times that I'd rather have my eye taken out than to suffer the pain I have during the past year and half. But then my pain stems from ocular rosacea in my eyelids and I would still have that. So it wouldn't even help to take out my eye.
My life was totally different 18 months ago. This all evolved from 3 days of taking Polytrim with a bad eyelid reaction. It (rosacea)was probably there all along but it was dormant back then....I had no restrictions, no pain. I could live normally, I was a great energetic teacher, very active, happy. The pain I have now seems unrelenting. Typical treatments only make it worse because I am so hyper sensitive, I can't tolerate anything..even OTC drops. Warm washcloths make it worse, cool cloths don't seem to help much. Can't tolerate doxy,mino, and besides I'm afraid of the side effects. So I keep hoping that if I eat right, take supplemets, and try to stop worrying, it'll calm down. The stress of my job teaching (physical dusty building and all the other stuff) was too much while feeling like I had acid eyelids (eyes) and I had to go on medical leave. I love teaching and I can easily deal with the stresses it entails when I'm not dealing with constant severe burning. It just finally wore me down.
I feel like my life is over and all I have to look forward to are more days of pain, although a part of me wants to believe it will get better...I need to hold on to that. I worry alot and I know I need to stop and that might just help....but it's so hard to do.
So yes, Kim I know how you feel.

[Lucy]

Some time after my dry eye ordeal began, Dianat came here as a newbie and with disastrous lasik results and dry eye. Diana had two small children when she had this going on and I do not know how she and others who had to care for someone else managed. Diana even planned a third baby during this time.

I thought she was a little brash (nuts) doing this, but she carried it off nicely. Matthew must be going on 3 by now. I knew if I'd had to care for anyone during this time, I could not have done it. It was all I could do to work, come home and go to bed. I did this for 5 years. Others would come on here and tell about handling their job, AND CARING FOR CHILDREN. I thought they must be super women. Still do. Rebecca took care of her small daughter during her "time" also, plus her other obligations. Can't imagine how they did it.

It seems each of us adjusts to what we are given. I could never have fit taking care of a kiddo in all my time, or could I? I didn't have to, so it doesn't matter. My point is that we are all stronger than we think. We do what we have to do when we are "down with dry eyes", no more, no less. The difficult part is that other people don't know how we feel. I always feel like a little mouse trying to explain my eye situation to others. It sounds so lame. We all deserve a lot of credit for managing to get through the days of our "dry eye dilemma."

Kim, you have much courage and are much stronger than you think. Go day by day and this too will get easier. (Notice I didn't say pass.) Lucy

[lboogie]

thanks Lucy!

for being our cheerleader. I need it today........and you're right -- we are all stronger than we think.

[dianat]

Hurraaay, Lucy the cheerleader!

You've provided for me the perfect audience to announce (drumroll...) my fourth pregnancy! Oh yes, I'm due May 22. I'll admit, feeling like I could vomit at any moment 24/7 is quite enough to distract me from my LASIK eyes. I think a lot of my coping with dry eye discomfort can be attributed to all the distractions in my life.

I'm so sorry many of you are suffering so, and find yourselves expending so much energy just getting through the day. I have been there, but am now on the other side, coping with my eyes as they are...manageable, not great, but manageable. My intense burning subsided after three years of misery post-LASIK. Once that was accomplished, I could live with the remaining discomfort and inconvenience. I do hope each of you finds this livable place so you can carry on as I have.

Diana (nuts? Probably.)

[LasikLady]

Congrats Diana!!

I must admit, since finding this place I often think of you, and you have been a great inspiration to me as I'm sure you have been to many others. I am so happy for you and your new baby.
You, in my opinion, are the "poster-child" for living your life to the fullest despite a bad lasik outcome. I thank you so much for sharing your story.
I am two years post op this month. I too have come a long way but recognize I have further to go, I guess it's an on-going process.
What would you say made the difference in your intense burning? Was it just time and healing or something else that brought you to your current comfort level?