Dating with dry eye

[kimby2007]

I would love to hear any success stories about people who continue to date despite dry eyes. I am single wuith severe dry eyes. I don't want to let the disease win but I wonder how you can successfully date with the limitations caused by dry eyes.

K

[NYer]

Just carry a lot of eyedrop vials in your pocket. I don't understand why you feel dating would be a problem due to dry eyes. Dry mouth would make kissing a bit weird but dry eyes? Personally, if I'm kissing someone I like, I usually close my eyes anyway.
Seriously, my dry eye has never been a factor in my dating.
Try to schedule things other than late night movies.

[Francesco]

you are quite lucky...I have a lot of inflammation....so I'm basically not dating

[Stanza]

I have a partner but what I find is that with new people I'm more nervous to whip out the drops in front of them - I was at a dinner the other night and had to put some in, so I kind of waited for a more discrete moment (when some of them were looking away) - but with people I know a little more, I would just put them in. Saying that, I usually put them in on the street, transport etc though without thinking. I guess it's situational as I'm open about my problem when I have to be but yes, a date situation would be tricky to handle. I think dating would be similar to new people in general in some ways though - so the more familiar the more about the problem I'd let out and more open, I guess it's good advice to structure dates around your better hours, so if you have extra bad evenings, then weekend daytime dates are probably a better start.

If that helps at all.

I think ultimately we get more comfortable about it (discussing / treating / explaining) in front of others as we get comfortable with those around us. Maybe.

Also remember that the right person isn't going to judge you for your illness. Everyone has a physical weakness at some point in their lives, whether that's sooner or later, so anyone that judges us for ours isn't worth it.

[calcan]

I have inflammation as well, but if all I had was dry eyes, and no inflammation, I wouldn't worry about putting in the eyedrops in front of anyone - I would explain that they are lubricating drops. No big deal.

[lboogie]

Hi Kim,
I too have a serious boyfriend....but in my deep seeded fears, I fear the "what if" what if we break up and I had to date again. What would I do??!?

But I think that if you are honest up front about your disease, noone will think it's weird at all! Not any stranger than having to take insulin shots for diabetes. Your condition is something that makes you unique and interesting. Way more interesting than some people! Seriously! You have a story to tell....and that goes a long way on a first date.

Keep us posted as you enter the dating scene again. Take it slowly.

[Stanza]

Seriously! You have a story to tell....and that goes a long way on a first date.

Good comment!

[baddabingtim]

Dating

If you are someone from that picture - I don't think dry eyes should stop anyone from dating you. Everyone in life is unique. There are many people with many differences. I would not think twice about saying I have dry eyes and use the drops when you need them. Dry eyes is not contagious, unlike many diseases that could make things more of an issue.

Wishing you the best - remember one day at a time - live in the present moment - life is too short

[blakesl8]

I find it really hard to even get my confidence up to talk to someone new I don't know because I wonder what they're going to think when thye look at my eyes and notice they're all bloodshot. It really affects my life. But I do agree w/one of the other comments above that the more open we are w/people and explain to them our problems it will help.

[Lucy]

I'd like to add to the equation........we are all more aware of our eyes than others are. (Really......duh.) Seriously, they are the front burner for us and almost everything revolves around the eyes. We never think perhaps the other person has something wrong. Yes, the other person probably has something that is hurting, or is super nervous about the date finding out something they don't want to share.

It's hard, but when in a social situation, do the best you can and try and make something out of the event/evening. If you can't enjoy it at all, well you gave it your best. I remember meeting my husband for an anniversary dinner after we each got off work. My eyes were blazing and it was cold and snowy and I was miserable. I could not get that dinner finished quick enough and drive myself home which was torture after dark.

Hopefully, many of these times will be a memory for most of you/us. I still think it's good to try and have something to try and divert our attention at times. Lucy

[paintgirl]

I really agree with Lucy's advice! We are all certainly more aware of our eye issues than others, and my friends often remind me that it is not as noticable as I think and that they love me for me. Now I just joke about my frequent application of eye gel and goggle fashion statement... Lately I'm trying to be more social with friends which makes me feel so much more like life is worth living. But I do find dating difficult, mostly because it's so hard to find the right person! I am 30 and recently again single, with inflammation and very bloodshot eyes... Indeed it's a real confidence issue and hard to forget about it, what with the persistent discomfort. I do worry about how people perceive me as I appear exhausted, hungover, or otherwise impaired pretty much all the time due to the redness and bags. I finally broke down and mentioned my eye issues to several of my students (I'm a prof) to quell rumors... They said there have indeed been rumors about the cause of my red eyes... Ugh. However, in evaluations my students say only that I am kind and inspiring and I seem to have a very good rapport with them -- I really try to reach out to others and care for them, and they reach back. I feel this is true with friends and dating as well. However I do have to say that my eye issues certainly contributed to the disintegration of my recent relationship. Not because of the appearance of my eyes, or sleeping with goggles and goo, but because of depression. I'm working on it, trying to find hope, to find joy in what I love in my life... To realize that we are more than our imperfect bodies and torn up eyes. Maybe I'm just a romantic but I truly believe that real love goes beyond the physical, and hopefully our love for ourselves can as well. Yet I know it's pretty impossible to forget about the discomfort and focus on the positive, and that platitudes don't really help no matter how true. It's hard to feel like a confident young woman even without these issues! Nice lipstick and sexy shoes certainly don't hurt though. Ok well maybe sexy shoes hurt a little sometimes LOL