1 year post lasik today

[lboogie]

Still dry, and hurting - both emotionally and physically. And still mourning the loss of my previously active, productive, and generally happy life, and yes, still holding onto the guilt ;(

Thanks to everyone who has helped support me through this both publicly on the forums and privately. Any words of wisdome and support are of course welcome!! Trying to keep my chin up.

[Guest]

My thoughts are with you today.

I have horrid memories of my first anniversary. I was supposed to be out living a life of "freedom without glasses" according to the laser surgery add that enticed me in the first place, instead I was lying on the couch with an icepack on.

Hang in there, this road does get better, just a little bumpy from time to time.

I hope you have anotherwise happy day, go treat yourself, don't beat yourself up, you deserve a break.

If nothing else, you've made some good dry eye buddies that understand where you are, what you are going through and more importantly help you through your rough days.

All the very best

warm regards
Ian

[dianat]

lboggie,

I had a hideous first anniversary! But just so you know, the the annual date marking my LASIK disaster is no longer even on the radar.

And hey, lose that darned guilt. You trusted in an industry and a doctor that put you in harm's way. Period. You certainly didn't sign up for what you got...and that means you're not guilty.

And if you try and say otherwise, why then Ian and I will have to feel guilty, too, as well as Rebecca...and Lucy...and Nicole and Shells...and none of us has time for it!

I know when I was able to shake the guilt it was good for my mental health. It certainly can't be shut off like a switch, but you can whittle away at it...

Chin up.

Diana

[autumnn]

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. If you can, let go of the guilt- I think that perhaps that is worse than depression or anxiety over this pain. You didnt have a crystal ball- you did what you thought was best at the time with the information you had, this is not your fault. I am going to say something that I hate hearing from others who don't have this problem but- there has to be something out there SOON to help us- with all the medical advances, etc, lets not believe that this is something that you will have to live with for much longer. Like I said in a previous post- my friend has a donated retina for goodness sake! Surely there has to be something in the near future that will get us comfortable.

[Lucy]

Hi Laura-I can't add anything to the current posts. Ian, Diana and Autumnn have already said it all.

I do think you've come a long way during this last year. I'm sorry you're still feeling guilty and I think it will soon fall by the wayside, especially when you're feeling better. '09 will be the year for your recovery!

Lucy

[LasikLady]

I no longer feel guilty. I was innocent, I didn't know what could happen. I didn't know one single person who was not totally thrilled with their outcome. I knew many people who were overjoyed and said it was the most awesome thing that they ever did. How can I feel bad or guilty about doing something I thought was going to have a tremendously positive impact on my life? It's not my fault, it's not your fault that it didn't go that way for us. We rolled the dice and even though it should have been great, it didn't happen that way. Does it suck? Yep. Will it be the end of you or me? Nope. Life must go on. It's all about dealing with what we have now.

I was miserable at the one year mark. I think I even got drunk. My two year mark brought me a TON of improvement. I am so glad I have 2 years under my belt, I know time and good eye care have helped me to help heal those nerves. I am very happy to report that for all I've been through (3 doctors, restasis, drops of every origin, oils of all kinds, plugs, drippy eyes etc..) I am really comfortable almost every single day now. And I saw myself turn the corner around my 2 year mark a couple months ago. I had almost given up feeling this way again. I don't know if I'd say I am 100% "normal" but I would say I am in the high 80th percentile. And that is pretty darn good considering a year ago I just about gave up hope. I will always "baby" my eyes with rice baggies, onion goggles around car airconditioning, genteal gel to sleep in. But I don't mind, I'm happy to care for my eyes and the improvement I have seen.

I know you must go through what you must to get to the other side. We have all been there. There was a time not one person could really deliver me from my inner turmoil and regret. It takes time. And that amount of time is different for everyone. Perhaps not everyone acheives eyes that are like they were pre-surgery. Some do as Doctor Latkany says after as much as 5 years post-op. But even if not, you can reach a place of peace and acceptance and some healing will take place along the way.

Hang on to your hope! What if next year you feel really good? That is a true possibility.

With much love,
LL

[GinaJ]

Hi. I am so sorry. I have not had lasik but with my other health condition some choices I made may have contributed. There is a lot of anger,guilt,sadness that goes a long with that. I am working on ways to focus on the future and what I can do to make the best of the current situation.It is a daily battle of course.I remember my neurologist years back said to me you have to learn to live with your pain and the barriers. I was like never but since it has been 2 years I have learned to work with what I have dealt and am trying not to give up in finding the right treatment. Do you have people in your real life to support you and reach out during times like this? Have you thought about therapy to work on the mental aspects of this? I know it is hard to face the day sometimes but it just can take the right treatment to make the world of difference. Hang in there

[shells]

Hi Laura,

Im sorry you are still having trouble and feeling guilty. There is not much else I can say that others have not already said, but just know that things will get better. My year anniversary was awful, but I was so much better by two years, and now I dont even think about that date anymore. Things will get easier. Ive just recently made some big progress (3.5 years post-op). Try to hang in there.

-Shells

[rubyslippers]

You know, we all do the best we can. 5 years ago I made a decision to have an ear surgery for a minor hearing loss situation and it went bad and I lost my hearing in that ear completely. Then the disease hit the other ear and I am for all intents and purposes deaf without technology. How I wish I had chosen to not have the surgery and just wear hearing aids at the age of 46. But what is done is done and thanks to an implant and a high powered hearing aide, I do quite well most of the time. The future for me is uncertain in that area, but what I do know is that the doctor did the best he could. I did the best I could. Life is full of risks. And I do know that guilt only makes life more painful. Guilt is only good for when you do something wrong on purpose. No one in your situation did that.

I pray that things get better. It has for many of us. Don't give up hope.

[MyDryEyes]

Laura's one year anniversary

Hi All,

It has been a while since I have been on DEZ. But, I just want to say that I am so proud of Laura and all of the progress she has made in a year. I know we are both going through the emotional and physical pain still, but having Laura to talk with every single day has kept me going. We even had the opportunity to meet up after Thanksgiving!! It was the day my eye pain came back with furor, but having her in my presence made it not so bad.

Thanks Laura!! Next year will be better. Baby steps.

xoxox
Nicole

[Teri]

Oh, the one-year anniversary sucks, doesn't it!

It wasn't even on my radar until my surgeon sent me a "Happy Anniversary" card in the mail. I blew my top!

Please hang in there. I am holding onto the belief that something good will come from all of this, for each of us.

I'm sending virtual hugs and warm thoughts your way tonight.

Teri

[chickenlittle]

1 year for me too

Laura, I'm right where you are! Feel free to send me PM and we can comiserate together. My anniversary is 12/27. And yes, I'm still dry,blurry,etc. What has helped me recently is going on prozac. If it's making my eyes drier I can't tell, but it's working on my emotional/mental state. And when my eye pain is bad I take 300mg of neurontin. It takes the edge off. Of course using drugs the rest of my life wasn't in my game plan, but at this point, everything goes out the window except for feeling comfortable and the ability to move forward.

[lboogie]

Thanks for you kind words everyone....I'm doing okay mentally most of the time, but it sure is easy to have breakdowns. It's just been so shocking to go from healthy and happy to being in pain and loosing my sense of self completely.

I don't know what I do without this site and my dry eye buddy.....I feel very lucky in that regard.

The one little thing that I hold onto is this vision (pardon the word) that I will get better. In my head I play out this scenario where it's been a long haul, but I do get better. Maybe it's false hopes -- but my counselor thinks it's a good sign that I have that vision of my future. Sigh.....it's just so unfair -- I have my final lasik appt. later this month -- they've offered to keep seeing me free of charge - but I just want to be done with them. So I'll ask for all my records and then send them my letter of disgust and disappointment.

Hanging in there........

[Lucy]

Hi Laura, thanks for letting us know how you're doing. You WILL make it. No question. As we have all echoed............"it takes time."

Your attitude is healthy and I just know you'll keep a steady gain and get to where you want to be. Cindy was my dry eye buddy and she doesn't even come around any more! You and Nicole are, indeed, fortunate to have each other as friends. I named Cindy specifically because we live within a couple of hours of each other and used to meet quite often with a bunch of other folks having the same problem(s). Early on, Marry Kenny Badami and Rebecca were also part of my/our early internet group of Lasik problems/dryeye problems. Back then, we were few and far between and we were looked upon with scorn and surprise. Lasik docs didn't admit Lasik caused dry eyes, period. We were all just flaky.

But, look at DEZ and how huge it has become! So many of the cases that come on here are from Lasik, it makes me want to barf. Let's hear it for all "friends."!!!
Lucy

[Guest]

Laura

I know exactly how you feel.

I know it seems like a lifetime away but I am now 3 years post op.

After having what I thought was the most horrendous time, I realised last night that I have come to London for 4 days and don't have an eye drop with me.

Months ago that would have bothered me, I would have been out finding a pharmacy and purchasing a bucket of eye drops. The reality today, I am not remotely concerned. I still have my challenges - mainly RCE's but I can assure you that things do improve with time and my life has changed significantly.

I think the point you are at now was my lowest period (12 months post op). I wasn't in a good place at all, in fact I had some counselling as I was considered by my GP to be a high suicide risk at the time.

Since then, I have rennovated a house, set up a business, managed my dry eye condition, taken an active role as a moderator on this forum. My life just continues to go from strength to strength, giving up is no longer an option for me. I have decided that the time has come to propose to my girlfriend and we are even discussing starting a family. None of this would have even entered my mind 1 year post op.

I wish you continued improvement and just know that you will get this under control.

Warm regards

Ian