End of my rope, please help me anyone

[autumnn]

I hate to post this but I dont know who else to talk to as no one seems to understand. It seems like I am wearing everyone out as my family and friends arent calling as much and my doctors dont return my calls either. I get this feeling like I am being abandoned and slowly earased. I feel very vulnerable as I have been such a roller coaster with my posts on this forum. Sometimes I think I am doing better, only to have the rug and all hope pulled back out from under me. It has been over 3 years that I have been in significant daily pain. I have done what seems like everything to try to alleviate this- to the point where somtimes I feel like a frantic fool searching for the "needle in the haystack" that will cure or at least help me. I think about my eyes 100 percent of the day, I can't have normal conversations because my mind is being screamed at by my eyes. I wake up anxious and sick to my stomach wondering how I will make it through another day. Lately I am hardly getting out of bed and when I do all I can think about is making it to the end of the day so I can get back in bed again. I am so afraid- afraid I will stop getting up and will loose everything- my job, my boyfriend, my friends and home. I am afraid I will never have anything "normal" in life like a husband, children, or even simply joy or peace. I know I will not harm myself- I won't, I promise, but lately I fantasize about no longer being alive and being able to permanently escape this pain and desperation I feel. The idea of dying seems so much less daunting than living day in and day out like this. I am 34, how am I supposed to live another 40 or 50 years with this? And whats more, I find myself in such a position of envy all the time- when I am with people who are talking about "regular" life and their complaints I long to have "regular" problems again. I am so sorry to vent like this. It is so hard when you feel like no one can help you and you can't help yourself either.

[Gretchen]

Autumnn -

Check your mailbox. I just sent you a PM.

Gretchen

[liz56]

Hi, Autumn.

I'm sorry to hear this, and I want you to know that I have been there, too. Things will go up and down with this condition, so keep hanging in there. In the meanwhile, it might help to talk with someone who can give solid advice about how to cope. Keep trying new things with your routine. This condition can really get us down, and we can't let it get the better of us.

Thanks for posting this. A lot of people here feel or have felt the same way.

--Liz

[kimby2007]

Hang in there

Hi Autumnn: I've just read your post and it tugs at my heart strings. I've been where you are and further but I promise you there is a light at the end of the tunnell. For me it was the support of my family, a doctor who believed in me, and medications for my depression. Is everything perfect, no, but life is way more manageable then it was. My eyes are bone dry so I know about pain and it is horrible there is no taking away from that but there is still so much we can enjoy and still do.

I have a lot of hope for the future. There are many drugs they are working on for dry eye and I firmly believe that in years to come dry eye will be completely different then it is today. We have to believe in that.

Take care of yourself and PM me anytime you want to talk. I communicate with several young ladies/men on the board and it really helps to have a dry eye buddy.

Hang in there sweetie.

Love
K

[Teri]

Keep fighting!

Autumn,

I am so sorry for what you are going through. But you have friends here who understand and have been where you are.

I know all about staying in bed all day and fantasizing about no longer being alive. It is good that you are fighting it.

I hope you are seeing a therapist who can help you with different coping strategies. I think it is so important to find a way to get your mind off of your eyes and your misery, even if it's only for an hour or two. There must be something that can distract you from the pain? Lie with a warm compress and listen to a funny podcast?

Also, I think you have to treat your depression as the serious problem that it is -- serious and separate from your eyes. I know they are linked and that your struggles with your eyes are fueling the depression, but it is possible to rid yourself of the depression while still dealing with your eyes. That was a lesson another person on here told me about, that there was an amazing day when she learned that she could be in pain and be happy at the same time.

You *can* have a happy, productive life and have dry eyes, too. And there are always other treatments to try.

Please keep trying and fighting. And never apologize for asking for help!

Teri

[autumnn]

Thank you so much for your kind responses. Everyone on this forum is so supportive and it is much appreciated. I will take your suggestions and encouragement and try to run with them. Thank you, again.

[eva b]

dear autumn,

I feel your pain. Honestly. I am just like you - at the end of my tether, feeling abandoned and out of control, and can't think of anything else all day long other than my eyes and how painful they are.

Like you, I keep searching for a solution, but nothing seems to help. I feel truly desperate some days (well,most days actually) and don't know how I'm going to get through the day either.

On top of that I'm having some major dental work (which couldn't be put off) done at the moment which isn't helping one iota.

Iactually get quite cross and depressed when people say - with the best intentions in the world, obviously - "oh surely you can take your mind off your eyes by doing something you really enjoy..." - I wish

this doesn't help you at all, I know, but just to let you know you're not alone.

love

Eva.xxx

[sanna]

autumnn,

I am feeling the same way. My eyes drives me crazy. My life is not normal at all. I am afraid that I will loose all my friends if I am not getting better soon.

Doctors are saying, live with it but i canīt. I guess there are people that has bigger problems than me. I mean, cancer is not something I have and I am so happy about that, but it is not helping my problem. I have always had white eyes and now i look like I am on drugs all the time. Eyedrops is not helping only making it worse. I am afraid that the only thing that can help me now is maybe surgery. if i could find a doctor.

/ sanna

[liz56]

Teri's story

Autumn,

Teri's story might help:

http://www.dryeyezone.com/talk/showthread.php?t=8509

It is inspirational.

--Liz

[Lids18]

chinese medicine

I feel like screaming this into the computer ...but get to a qualified Chinese practictioner...Accupuncture and accupressure..... the drug supplement: Ming Mu...and another cold compress of a special tea I've been using...1st success after 4 years and 6 opthamologists and the head of dermatology and Doxicycline for 4 YEARS! now off of Doxi for 1 month ....let us pray to wear macara again! BE BRAVE...Life is good...