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I have been posting a lot lately ... perhaps I am bored. I am on day 3 of 2 weeks off of work. Hoping two weeks off will help my situation and I can go back to work. My theory is that work hurts my eyes (more) ... so if I take off and get out of pain - and then go back to work - I feel I will be in pain again. And can conclude that work is a major contributing factor (the computer).
My corneal doctor (Hamrah) assures me that is not the case as long as I wear my glasses. I am wearing my custom made wiley-x sunglasses now - and they are fogging up - so they are working. I disagree with my doctor and I told him that.
My neurologist on the other hand agrees that the continued use of a computer screen and the stress of work is contributing and making my pain worse. He does agree with Hamrah that I am not harming my eyes.
My pain doctor (yup, like many of you have many doctors "now") does not think two weeks off will do much good. She thinks 2 months is needed - and I agree with her. I do think I will end up back on short term disability and I already told my employer that - so it will not be a surprise to them.
I still do not understand why the f-ck I am still in aggravating pain every f-c-ing day though. I wear these ridiculous glasses (although the sunglasses are a little cool) all the time. I have not read anything really (like a magazine or a book) in many many months. I do not watch TV, I am using the computer for maybe a half hour (to visit this site).
But, every day the pain comes. And it lasts for hours ... and yes sometimes I do get a break during the day and I guess I am grateful for that. I know some people don't get a break and they deal with this BS while they sleep. Honestly don't know how someone could possible do that.
Sometimes the Oxycodone helps - I think for the most part it does help. I do not think the extended morphine they put me on is doing anything. But, my doctor told me it could take a weeks for it to work, to get into the blood stream. I was supposed to be on the extended release of Oxycodone, but my insurance denied it. So I am on morphine - which is old school and cheap.
So anyway - the pain. It's very cruel. Whoever is doing this to us (God??) - they are very very, deeply cruel.
And, as you know - eye pain is very different then other pain, like a headache or a pain in your leg. Perhaps because the cornea has the most concentration of nerves in the human body ...
I have received many posts and PM's ... lot's of folks tell me it does get better with "time". And 2 years seems to be a major milestone. I also, know someone like Rebecca would not count on any milestones and that everyone is different.
So it's been 20+ months for me. I guess we will see what the next couple months bring. Things have definitely gotten better in terms of what is going on in my head. I finally came to terms with this - which has taken a long time. I no longer think about the past or worry about the future... like when will this all just go away. It will never go away. I do realize I will need to "manage" this for the rest of my life.
I am not sure how I will manage this type of pain though for the rest of my life. I am not sure how anyone is expected to do that. The pain will need to change ...it can't continue to be this bad.
Well time to eat and take all my pills
Cheers,
Tom
My corneal doctor (Hamrah) assures me that is not the case as long as I wear my glasses. I am wearing my custom made wiley-x sunglasses now - and they are fogging up - so they are working. I disagree with my doctor and I told him that.
My neurologist on the other hand agrees that the continued use of a computer screen and the stress of work is contributing and making my pain worse. He does agree with Hamrah that I am not harming my eyes.
My pain doctor (yup, like many of you have many doctors "now") does not think two weeks off will do much good. She thinks 2 months is needed - and I agree with her. I do think I will end up back on short term disability and I already told my employer that - so it will not be a surprise to them.
I still do not understand why the f-ck I am still in aggravating pain every f-c-ing day though. I wear these ridiculous glasses (although the sunglasses are a little cool) all the time. I have not read anything really (like a magazine or a book) in many many months. I do not watch TV, I am using the computer for maybe a half hour (to visit this site).
But, every day the pain comes. And it lasts for hours ... and yes sometimes I do get a break during the day and I guess I am grateful for that. I know some people don't get a break and they deal with this BS while they sleep. Honestly don't know how someone could possible do that.
Sometimes the Oxycodone helps - I think for the most part it does help. I do not think the extended morphine they put me on is doing anything. But, my doctor told me it could take a weeks for it to work, to get into the blood stream. I was supposed to be on the extended release of Oxycodone, but my insurance denied it. So I am on morphine - which is old school and cheap.
So anyway - the pain. It's very cruel. Whoever is doing this to us (God??) - they are very very, deeply cruel.
And, as you know - eye pain is very different then other pain, like a headache or a pain in your leg. Perhaps because the cornea has the most concentration of nerves in the human body ...
I have received many posts and PM's ... lot's of folks tell me it does get better with "time". And 2 years seems to be a major milestone. I also, know someone like Rebecca would not count on any milestones and that everyone is different.
So it's been 20+ months for me. I guess we will see what the next couple months bring. Things have definitely gotten better in terms of what is going on in my head. I finally came to terms with this - which has taken a long time. I no longer think about the past or worry about the future... like when will this all just go away. It will never go away. I do realize I will need to "manage" this for the rest of my life.
I am not sure how I will manage this type of pain though for the rest of my life. I am not sure how anyone is expected to do that. The pain will need to change ...it can't continue to be this bad.
Well time to eat and take all my pills
Cheers,
Tom
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