All confidence lost through dry eyes

[eyesdry]

I used to have a pretty good job in an office for about 7 years, i had good friends, I got on well with people and enjoyed my work. This all ended when I got dry eyes. and reading this paragragh really hit home and this is how I feel

''PERSONAL APPEARANCE: Chronically dry eyes may be unsightly. Women often struggle with accepting that they can't tolerate cosmetics. Men and women alike struggle with chronic red eyes, and besides the impact on self-confidence it can lead to discomfort and embarrassment in the workplace especially if frequent personal interactions are part of one's job''

I quit my job because of my dry eyes and I havent worked much since, now I have to go back to work and I am confused, unconfident, and I have lost all social skills because I cant look people in the eyes (not because I dont want to but because this disease wont let me) Worst of all is my confidence, I feel I will never get that back and trying to explain to people is so hard. I get very depressed and now I wonder what type of work I can do, because without all the above skills I feel totally unattractive and worthless.

Does anyone have any advice for me? I really feel quite alone.

Thanks
EyesDry

[madarka]

to eyesdry

i know what u r talking about,i feel exactly the same.about 3months ago i went for an interview and the boss looked at me and said:"i don't know whether u were partying last night or u r smoking pot but we don't need people like u here."i said oh no i have dry eyes that is why they are so red.but he gave me look like yeah right.so i just work at the night bar where people can't see my unattractive red eyes and i suffer there in smoke and depression.i am severely depressed and not taking any antidepressants due to drying effect.i am so sorry u suffer as well.the healthy looking eyes are so important especially in a workplace.did u try using serum?it is supposed to not only soothe the eye but whiten it as well.

[woodart]

All confidence lost through dry eyes

I was in those shoes about 40 years ago myself. Had to leave a great job because of dry eyes. Finally ended up just working for myself. Not that I made a great living but at least I had more control over what I did. Went from office type work to physical work. Getting depressed with it is real easy. Don't know how to tell you but you have to sit back and figure out what you can do and go to work on what you can make a living at. I hope you will seek some help for the depression part, that's very important. Don't know what you have tried for your eyes. There are many things to try here. It does require a lifestyle change for all of us. In over 40 years of this dry eye problem, seeing specialists all over, looking for info this is the best board I have found for info and help.

[dianat]

Well, I don't know if I have much to offer you, but I can tell you that you are not alone. I do understand that alone feeling when in your own community and not here on DEZ staring at a computer screen. In that sense, I am very much alone. I don't know a soul in my circle of friends, acquaintances, neighbors, etc. that struggle with dry eye.

My dry eye very much has affected my social life. I find myself more uncomfortable in crowds, etc. I find myself slowing down and really reducing my plans to go out. Truly, I feel this may be a bit of a blessing. It offers me the opportunity not to get too involved and keeps me home more often to be with my husband and kids. I truly think I spend more time with them this way.

As far as not feeling pretty or attractive....that is a struggle. I have very weepy, plain looking eyes and I cannot wear eye makeup. I do, however, wear foundation and blush and make sure I use lipstick all day. It's the one way I can feel a little polished.

I have also taken on biking in an effort to thin down and keep fit. This makes me feel really good about myself. I think the activity helps my eyes and I am happy with biking because can wear my goggles and not look out of place at all. It's been a great sport. I will likely soon be joining a biking club where I hope to fit in nicely despite my eye problems.

Regarding work...well, I quit my job 8 years ago with the arrival of my first baby. I'm still worried about my career options once the kids are older. I've been priming my husband who works for himself to hire a few people in his field and let me do some of the grunt work. Working for him would allow for a big fat humidifier in my office and the option to come and go as I please according to the kids' schedule.

Other than that, my husband and I have joked that I could get a job in a greenhouse or nursery somewhere. It's a humid environment and being around plants makes me happy.

Best of luck in your journey. I know it's not easy, but we must find ways to make it work. Be sure and look for the blessings as well.

Diana

[GeorgeT]

EyesDry,

Have you seen a really good doctor yet?
I think that you should start with this....

All the best !

George

[Amy09]

gosh, i know i should be taking things a day at a time, but reading these posts is very, very discouraging... as much as i try not to, i often think how i am going to function in the real world/have a full time job after college.

i started off college as an advertising major, but after taking a class where lots of "special guests" came in and gave us in-depth info about the career (i.e. they told us that advertising is not a 9 to 5 job; it is often a 9 to 3 AM job) i decided that there was no way i'd be able to handle a career like that w/ my eyes the way that they are.

now i am a human relations major... good lord, if i have to look forward to struggling w/ my health and confidence in the work place, from the sound of these posts it seems that there is no way i will ever been able to succeed w/ a career in communications- the whole point of communications is having good relationship skills!

after a horrible time in high school because of my eye condition i went into college deciding to be the most confident i could be in hopes of finding people who would like me for me. although i DEFINATELY have found some great friends who i am so close to that i almost consider them family, it is still so hard to face the realities that lots of people only care about the outer shell. last year i became very involved in a christian sorority in hopes that i would meet some more amazing people, but i was basically an outcast in a sea of pretty, ultra-perky faces and did not feel accepted at all. i explained to my prayer group, a group of five girls w/in my sorority, about my eye problems, but they just looked at me like i was a total freak and tried to ignore me whenever they saw me in public settings for the rest of the year.

needless to say that after giving my all to the organization, i am now going inactive. to think that most people, even girls who say that they are living their lives as reflections of Jesus, can still be so critical gives me little faith that i can make it in the business world, where it will be even more cut throat.

i am sorry to be venting so much, but lately, figuring out what i am going to do for a career has been on my mind a lot, and after reading these posts i am feeling very down. so many of my friends are stressed about finding a job that they will enjoy, or that will pay enough, while i am just hoping that i will be able to find a job where my eyes will be comfortable at.

is there ANYONE who has succeeded in their career despite dry eyes? am i doomed to be stuck in my house as an adult or to be facing constant struggle in the work place? wow, please tell me there is some kind of hope...

[stella]

Hi Amy
So sorry you feel so bad and unatractive.You probably dont look as bad as you think .DE does make your eyes very red and small and puffy - but you are probably more concious of it than other people(They are usually so busy thinking about themselves and how THEY look they dont notice us half as much as we think they do)
Practically
There are things you could try
Fortunately i wear glasses and they not only hide the bags under my eyes -with the rims- but they magnify my eyes too, so i look far better with them than without. Is that an option for you?
Why not wear tinted ones or very light sunglasses - They can be most attractive and give you a "Sporty" image
I think some of the people on this web look REALLY COOL in their sun glasses(goggles) Hope you read this Dianat and dry eye queen ,and you other girls who wear goggles I am probably a bit older than a lot of you but i am still concerned about my looks and young at heart, and know i would feel much worse if i was younger
and trying to date etc (I am thankfully ,happily married)
I'm disgusted at the so called "christian " group you tried to join
That's definately not my type of christianity
Is there any chance you could experiment with hypo- allergenic eye make-up?
There are good tips on this web
Even a little eye shadow round the eye and as far away as possible from the eye could make your eyes bigger
Anyway dont give up - there will be some ingenious way you can get round it
All the best
Stella

[Rebecca Petris]

lately, figuring out what i am going to do for a career has been on my mind a lot, and after reading these posts i am feeling very down.

That is very understandable. These boards can often be a downer because we all of course have more need to post about the negatives (because we need ideas and support) than the positives. But that doesn't mean there aren't lots of good things going on....

Reading you post made me sad because of what you are going through. While it's a lot of fun to be young, the social aspects of it can be awful. I do not have great memories of that period of my life, either at school or in for example church youth group activities... the same insecurities prevail everywhere and cause people to say and do a lot of thoughtless and even cruel things. But those things pass with the years. It gets better.

Amy, I don't want to get all "count your blessings" preachy on you because I have not walked in your shoes and I know that it must be scary for any young person struggling with chronic dry eye. But I do think that one perspective that might be helpful is that as regards career, you have the power of choice! I think there are probably many members here looking at your post who are in their 30s, 40s or 50s and are struggling terribly with dry eye at the office. The prospect of trying to start a new career is much, much more daunting when you're older, have a family, etc.

is there ANYONE who has succeeded in their career despite dry eyes? am i doomed to be stuck in my house as an adult or to be facing constant struggle in the work place? wow, please tell me there is some kind of hope...

Define success

I spent ten years in a "successful career". It was fun, intellectually challenging, quite lucrative, and took me all over the world. I had the pleasure and privilege of working with many extremely intelligent, gifted people. A couple of years after lasik I had to give that up due in large part to vision problems and eye pain. I have no regrets. I work full time now running the Dry Eye Company and all these websites. I totally love what I do and my 'job satisfaction' is at an all time high. I get to talk to manufacturers about what kind of products they should make, I get to talk to doctors about new ideas for how to help their dry eye patients, I get to talk to people with dry eye every day and help them learn the ropes. Since I run my own business I can do whatever I need to do to take care of my eyes.

You'll find your way, Amy. I promise! You're a terrific, thoughtful, resilient person. There are hard times but you'll get through them all.

[Amy09]

i want to apologize if that post came across as extra-negative. i just re-read it and it seemd really harsh. i did not mean by it that i have a really low self confidence or that all the girls i met in the organization were bad people. on the contrary, compared to even a couple years ago, i have so much more confidence in myself. i will have to wear glasses for the rest of my life and i do have to deal w/ eye redness, but i've mostly come to accept that. i go out to parties, meet new people, and was even in a relationship this past year. for the most part, i am thankful and am blessed in so many ways.

also, i shouldn't have been so harsh when i talked about my bad experience w/ the organization i was in. the core purpose of the organization was extremely positive. although i struggled to find my place in the organization, i did get to know some great girls that do have good hearts and were accepting of everyone, so again, i appologize for that. i do not want to seem like i am in any way attacking them, so i am very sorry if i came across that way.

my main concern after reading some of the other posts was just that it seems that it will be difficult to find a career, less than two years from now, when it seems as if other people (ex. a boss who is hiring people) aren't very accepting or understanding of people's eye situations. my heart really went out to madarka when i read that post.

so i'm really just looking for some people that want to tell about postitive experiences of jobs that have been a success rather than a burden when dealing w/ eye problems. because i am young and do have options and because i still have a little less than two years of college left, i was hoping for some inspiration of what routes to take that can be good for people struggling w/ chronic eye issues. as of now i am a human relations and child development major.

it is getting a little late for me to consider changing majors, and i'm not even really looking to do that since i do enjoy the majors that i am in, but if i could just hear some people's ideas or stories of successes that they have had in their careers then maybe i would not be so wary about my future. it does make sense that it would be much harder to change careers when someone is dealing with this at 30, 40, or 50, so sorry if i was being more negative then i intended or if it seems like i was not being considerate of others on this board.

i truly admire the strength of everyone here and have been inspired by the strength of so many people here already. Rebecca, i think it is simply amazing that you have produced such a great site for people w/ dry eye and it's great that you are enjoying your job.

anyways, if any of y'all have some inspiring, funny, or positive stories about your careers while dealing with dry eye then y'all should share them! maybe the stories will prove to be helpful to others here on the dry eye discussion board as well!

[dianat]

Amy,

You're allowed to be frightened. I was terrified when I graduated from college. I thought I'd never find a job. I was lucky enough not to have dry eye symptoms at the time, so I understand your plight.

I'm curious...were you the person a while back (has it been years?) who was totally stressed out about just going off to college with DES?! Don't sell yourself short. It would seem to me managing through college is at least as trying to the dry eye sufferer as working a job.

I know you'll do great. You'll have to work a little harder and will suffer more no doubt, but it'll work out just fine!

D

[Amy09]

hehe guilty as charged . yup i am that girl that asked about advice before i went to college. what can i say, i like to come here with all my questions when they involve dry eye. i don't really have anyone else to ask, and everyone always has such good advice because they are essentially going through the same stuff!

college has actually proven to be great for my dry eyes so far. despite the fact that meetings i go to for organizations are often late at night, or despite the fact that i read and use the computer a lot, it works out great for me. i don't go to sleep till usually around 1 or 2 AM, but I prefer being a night owl. i also get to take lots of breaks throughout the day, and i get to sleep in late- all these things make my eyes very happy!

[Rebecca Petris]

Has anybody been in touch with "eyesdry", who started this thread, and who sounded quite down? Doesn't look like they've been online since the day it was posted (couple of weeks ago), so I was just wondering.

[dianat]

Amy,

I thought it was you. I'm so glad you managed college so well despite the challenges. I really was concerned about you in the beginning. I feel you're a distant niece or something and that we "got you through it"!

My best to you in your transition into the work force. It's hard for everybody I think, but the eyes do add an interesting twist. You'll make it work just as you adjusted to college!

D

[Amy09]

thanks so much! i've always admired your motivation and optimism in everything you do despite your problems with dry eye! your support is greatly appreciated, diana!