Ready to move on now..

[Colin P]

As title suggests, recovery is almost complete...
2yrs ago my dry eye started, came from nowhere, and within 3 months i wanted to end my life. I aint afraid to talk to anyone about it, cos i hope what i went through, and what seems to be a conveyor belt of people also go though.. Am now writing this cos i'm ready to leave now, i'm telling you as it is in the hope you guys will read it and understand instead of me 'pus*y footing' around this is now a person back in the living world/reality...
O.K...
I'm now off Anti-depressents totaly, my own decision (doctor thinks i'm still on half dosage-lol)... As i said, i went to hell and back, including 7 weeks in on a mental health ward... 2 years later, i can only assume, that like a Lasik victim/patient (the time span is roughly the same) my eyes no longer hurt.
Maybe a little uncomfortable in the wrong enviroment but so long as i aint in it all day, i've no worries anymore...

Will now have a go at putting you in the picture- but have so much info, will be frustrating knowing ive left loads of it out...
I still have aqueas defficiency, i know this cos i get white powder in corners of eyes where the 2 other tear componants 'gel' due to lack of water...

If anyone out there is thinking "it's me i'm week, i cant stand this anymore, i need a way out" NEWSFLASH!! you're in good company; the whole shock and trauma of this lands a heck of a little people in terrible depression (i was one) but the good news is, that if you just let time run it's course, and do your minimal bit, by listening to your body/eyes and more than likely having to do a huge shake-up of your lifestyle or daily routine?
THEN EXPECT TO GET THIS UNDER CONTROL AND PAIN FREE IF YOU AVOID THE OBVIOUS!!!...

AND I AINT SAYING THAT JUST TO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD!!... I used to, cos while i was still suffering from depression, i had this notion that making people feel better that if there is a god? he would improve me, cos im needed... Things you do while depressed eh!?.. I would have done anything..and i mean anything for a cure, turn to the church?? i never ended up doing that, nor thought it, but depression will send plenty of people down that route.. I'd have sold my soul to the devil unfortuantly- if id have read that one patient got results from walking round with a stone in there shoe? or giving up walking completely- i was that desperate and messed-up id gave it/anything a go-lol...
What aint funny is- id by now narrowed it down to turning up at hospital and standing in the accident and emergency and proceeding to drive a fork into my right eye, that's were i was at with my desperation, i wanted my right eye taking out!!... Like i was ever gonna do that... My head was suggesting it though...

Therefore if youre mentaly messed-up at the moment and thinking bizzare, it's part of it, you will get back if you just stop abusing your eyes...
Read-on.......................
Youre eyes are batterd, and not very well, or as good as they were/the next persons (were all in agreemant so far)...
Computers or anything with a screen,, high wind,, air conditioning,, radiaitors or forced heat....... BAD!!! cut them out of your life 100%...

If youre doing any of these?? then for the benefit of hard hitting aproach- you are a fool, and do you honastly think youre eyes will get better??...

I am fortunate that my employer let me change my hours and i work outdoors, if this aint possible for you?? then either carry on or rip it all up and start all over again... "oh i cant, it's not that simple".... well you could always carry on then, and end up on a mental health ward OR WORSE..

I was on every drop possible, and it's true they aint all the same, each brand is slightly different with a preference to a certain chemical, and by the way, all chemicals are not good for your eyes, only use them as a necessity, also dont presume they are all good! one or two brands made me worse...

+++++ It's important for me to stress that all mistakes i/you make in the name of experimenting will not have lasting effects, many-many people blame 'this or that' for runing my eyes. In my experience and hindsight it's your eyes that are continuing to struggle, and blaming something is the easy thing to do.
Why do dry eye sufferers (Lasik aside) always blame something-lol.. And cant accept that it's natural causes...
And naturaly if you let it, youre gonna make a come back, cos thats what we do, we recover... Nerve regeneration?? they aint gonna 'regenerate' any better than the previous ones if your routine is exactly the same is it...
O.K...
My story went something like this...
I could not work drive no longer my eyes would feel like i was wearing/looking through someone elses glasses. I tried/persevered right till the bitter end, and only my wifes doctor (not my own) sending me to a crisis team something i was no longer capable of, due to motivation- i'd given up and was a hopeless case. within 2 hours and an emotional breakdown (crikey im welling up here) i was on a mental health ward.
For the next 7 weeks.. Recovery unbeknown to me was underway.. Anti-depressents for 18 months coupled with my employer taking me serious, i was given a position that avoided the above 'things to avoid list'..
As the months went by it was one step back, and two forward and despite the evidence no-way could i belive it (it's called depression) i stopped the night wear mask and gels, and then slowly withdrew using drops during the day- never forced the issue or set any standards, simply did it when a thought came from nowhere in my head, a positive one, not had one of them for along time!. I would take eye breaks/rest my eyes 3 or 4 times a day? and slept for an hour at 4pm(ish) this was allowing a recovery i later realise.. Not had to do this for a month now? no anti depressents for 3 weeks? no drops or night wear for 4 months now? im now allowing myself to belive im over this... Got my life back....
Knocked computers on the head, leave the room when heating is on, avoid high winds blowing straight in my face, and im allright!!...
Take anything you can from this story, and i hope it gives you hope....












.....DO NOT GIVE UP!....

[farmgirl]

I am so-so-so happy for you Colin, I remember when you were in that desperate place. Good work and keep moving forward...cheers....F/G

[Rebecca Petris]

Wonderful post. Good job Colin. So very glad for you and soooo appreciate of your sharing the story as there are a lot of really good insights about how the disease happens - and the recovery.

[littlemermaid]

Colin, Well done, mate, great job, so good to hear ~ LM and I wish you and your family the very best and thanks for your kindness over these last few years, Dryeyetalk is great

[Colin P]

Well that's ironic, you two posting one after the other, was gonna pm you both when this topic runs it's course but now can save myself the bother..
In two seperate columns, one of lets say a short list of 10 people? of who may be oblivious to it? but have done something/ a single act for which i will be eternaly gratefull... Lil Mermaid's mum/mom will be on the shortlist... (she probably dont know why? but just for fun... i aint gonna tell her either!)...
A seperate list/ shortlist Rebecca would appear on mine, even though i've had limited messaging/replies, to run this website, and never get bored of it is staggering...
This site has been vital to so many people while they were on there own slippery slope, without it?? would there be anything in it's place? not that i know of!?.....
Therefore- the highest compliment i can think of, is you're a better person than i am....
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Today was slightly uncomfortable, due to one of the ''''BAD''''' things on my list, No pain! and as of 6pm, home with no discomfort...
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<<<Rwnd 2 years ago, i somehow destroyed my nerves in eyes, all i can think is aqueas defficiency (have had a diagnosis also on that one) reached tipping point, and continuing to use my eyes as i always had resulted in nerve damage.... The Opthamolagist, did tell me that mine aint to bad, and discharged me...
As youre all aware, you can NOT emphasise what you're going through despite there findings to specialist....
>>>Ffwd 2 years, and nerves have definatly healed when it eventualy dawned on me that i could no longer use/abuse my eyes like everyone else....
2 yrs of rest, or rather non abuse, and 'managing my eyes' i reckon i'm now where my opthamolagists said i was at back then....

The future is, managing my eyes, but is (never did i think id hear myself saying this one-lol) no worse than a nuisance or discomfort that will pass....

I've seen forum users over the last 2 years declare that over the worst and can get on with there existance and thought; good! but dont tell lies, how many of you get a slight.... 'lucky b*stard!!' thought crop up in there head-lol... (last one for me, was Tankie-lol)....
You will find yourself saying "if i get better, i'm gonna stick around and be helpfull to every other victm that comes along who is on there butt" fact is, you will slowly drift away from here when a recovery has took place, i was adamant it help everyone if i could? but have recently ended up going upto a week before logging in/viewing.
Which makes it all the more remarkable why Rebecca continues to provide this site for us, whats probably happend to the many who have left the site, and you've been scratching you're head wondering "where does everyone go after a while"??? They probably do what i'm doing, and 'moving on'....



.... COULD BE YOUR TURN NEXT!!??............ listen to your own eyes, and rest the darn things.......

[Cali]

Colin P - I saved all your private messages to me - they were so full of dark humor that I actually laughed. I was completely suicidal - for real - and yet you made me laugh. I just re-read about 4 of them and they still actually make me laugh out loud. You helped me at my worst and I wanted to truly thank you for it.

[elaw65]

Dear Colin

I am too on the UK and have spent 2 weeks on a mental ward in manchester. I went a but further and jumped from a bridge I have total lasik regret. My question is do you feel you have a life now and how did you get over the regret?

[RFREITAS]

Well, it's difficult to answer because you will have your journey And it's ok to feel like that... I think it's very natural and necessary.

I had lasik regret for the first year... sometimes it really hurt inside my heart! But after a year I strated to forgot it... It's not my fault... I am not the doctor and every surgery has risks. Sometimes even the doctor can't antecipate it.
We heard so many problems after surgery... I heard so many problems on child-birth.

It will take time, but you will get over it! Believe me

After 3 years the only thing I can concentrate is in feeling better, I had lasik and I can't change it! Period! My journey is long, I feel it! I am still depress and sometimes I have anxiety about the future. I want to get married and have babies... But I am trying to quite the anti-depressent, I pray more, I try educate myself about this condition! I try everyday... Somedays are really hard, but they are less that in the beginning

Don't stop! You will find so many thing about yourself! Life is so much more than our eyes!

And believe in a cure! I believe and I pray for it!

And... breathe every time you feel you are going crazy!!

Wish you all the best!