Tweet
Hi Everyone-
I havent been on here for a long time because I had a total meltdown- depressive downward dehabilitating spiral that resulted in my father coming to stay with me and me seeing a mass amount of doctors. I'd like to share my experiences because they may help others. I will try to be as brief as I can, but a lot has happened. I apologize for the legnth of this post.
The trigger seemed to be me isolating myself and always researching about how to help my eyes. I never went out and felt so awful about my situation and had thoughts of it never getting better. I started to not get out of bed- family got worried- suicidal thoughts were passing through my head and I went to a psychiatrist and was put on a med that made me feel even worse. I had lost 9 pounds and felt like I was withering away. My family took me to an alternative doc and a massive amount of tests were run.
In the meantime I was dragging myself out of bed because I was so depressed and anxious. Still, I had an eye appointment to go to and brought my father. I was so tense and worried to go because I had been crying some of the day and had worked in the office (awful air) and thought that my eyes would be even worse than the previous visit and that would put me over the edge. My very caring and great eye doctor spent an hour with us (who has always been very straight forward with me) ran a test to see if the psych meds were affecting my eyes (I was on Xanax, Prestiq, and ambien) and the result was that I was making more than the average amount of tears. He said that my Rose Bengal was great, "not a cell on my eyes was out of place" and that my TBUT was an 8 (a year ago I was a 3, a month or so ago I was at 5 or 6-ish). When I heard "tear break up time is 8" I wanted to jump up and down- it was better than winning the lottery (well close at least). Bottom line, I am making progress- albeit slooowww, but progress. Also, my eyes are in good overall health but I still have annoying Blepharitis/MGD (not a threat to my eye health at this point just painful/irritating). The eye doc also mentioned mild conjunctival chalasis but stated that he was certain my pain was from the Bleph/Mgd. He put me on a month of Azasite and instructed me to keep on with my routine. Most importantly he instructed me to try to live my life and try to not worry- things are not going to get worse and likely will continue to get better. The news was like a switch, all of a sudden I had hope. The next day I switched to a different antidepressant which also has helped.
Next, I was very reluctant and skeptical about seeing an alternative doctor but my family dragged me to one. The next week my results came back from the alternative medicine doctor and he found that I am very highly intolerant of eggs and that they could be producing inflammation in my body. Also, I am moderately intolerant to wheat and dairy. All else is ok (fructose, nuts, veggies, fruit, coffee-thank goodness). Also, an environmental toxin test was run and I have some toxins from plastic and am instructed to not drink from or eat from plastic containers (the toxins affect cell membranes he said). Im avoiding all of the above.
Bottom line that I am hoping can help others who feel doomed. Emotions can play a role in this. Now, I am fighting to move on and not make this "condition" my whole life. I realize that my emotions have played a big role in not being able to feel the progress I have made. Overall now I am feeling a great deal of relief in my right eye (rarely dry) but my left is still a problem (darn!). If my left were like my right I would consider myself "cured". There are times when the left feels a tad better but never like the right. As far as inflammation and the food thing, my rings are loose on my fingers as I type this. Also, my upper lids feel less "full/puffy" in the morning. My eye doc said he suspects that there is a connection between food intolerance and/or allergies and exasperation of bleph/mgd.....I guess time will tell if this is a factor with me. I am still on numerous meds- Wellbutrin, Zyprexa (given for racing thoughts, anxiety, etc), and Xanax and am not worrying a bit about their effects since the eye doc measured this (also, to note, I went off of all meds in the past and did not notice any change- that must be because of my type of dry eye). I am also seeing a therapist (I advise this).
So, I am planning on continuing the lid therapy and scrubs (still cant find a drop I can use- but with a close to normal TBUT and good tear production I am leaning towards letting my eyes work things out on their own), finishing the Azasite, and praying for my left eye to straighten up. In the future, if/when I get my bleph/mgd in control and my TBUT above 10 and my left eye is still in pain, then I will look further into the conjunctival chalasis issue- I have an apt with the Harvard Eye clinic that is known for this surgery...
So to all you dear friends, I am not claiming to be "in the clear", sometimes I feel like my left eye is screaming at me all day. But, I realize that I had worked myself up into a state where I thought I was doomed when in fact progress was happening. It has helped to stop constantly "chasing a cure" and reading about eyes all the time. The most helpful advice was that now that I am caring for my eyes like I am, I will not get worse (was my biggest fear)...I think this is true for a lot of us. This bleph/mgd was probably festering for years, it will take some time to get in in control (my opinion at least).
Lastly, faith has helped a lot. I have been praying that I can let this go and not carry the burdon alone. I believe that this has helpled too.
Hopefully this long post will help someone. My prayers are with you all.
Autumnn
I havent been on here for a long time because I had a total meltdown- depressive downward dehabilitating spiral that resulted in my father coming to stay with me and me seeing a mass amount of doctors. I'd like to share my experiences because they may help others. I will try to be as brief as I can, but a lot has happened. I apologize for the legnth of this post.
The trigger seemed to be me isolating myself and always researching about how to help my eyes. I never went out and felt so awful about my situation and had thoughts of it never getting better. I started to not get out of bed- family got worried- suicidal thoughts were passing through my head and I went to a psychiatrist and was put on a med that made me feel even worse. I had lost 9 pounds and felt like I was withering away. My family took me to an alternative doc and a massive amount of tests were run.
In the meantime I was dragging myself out of bed because I was so depressed and anxious. Still, I had an eye appointment to go to and brought my father. I was so tense and worried to go because I had been crying some of the day and had worked in the office (awful air) and thought that my eyes would be even worse than the previous visit and that would put me over the edge. My very caring and great eye doctor spent an hour with us (who has always been very straight forward with me) ran a test to see if the psych meds were affecting my eyes (I was on Xanax, Prestiq, and ambien) and the result was that I was making more than the average amount of tears. He said that my Rose Bengal was great, "not a cell on my eyes was out of place" and that my TBUT was an 8 (a year ago I was a 3, a month or so ago I was at 5 or 6-ish). When I heard "tear break up time is 8" I wanted to jump up and down- it was better than winning the lottery (well close at least). Bottom line, I am making progress- albeit slooowww, but progress. Also, my eyes are in good overall health but I still have annoying Blepharitis/MGD (not a threat to my eye health at this point just painful/irritating). The eye doc also mentioned mild conjunctival chalasis but stated that he was certain my pain was from the Bleph/Mgd. He put me on a month of Azasite and instructed me to keep on with my routine. Most importantly he instructed me to try to live my life and try to not worry- things are not going to get worse and likely will continue to get better. The news was like a switch, all of a sudden I had hope. The next day I switched to a different antidepressant which also has helped.
Next, I was very reluctant and skeptical about seeing an alternative doctor but my family dragged me to one. The next week my results came back from the alternative medicine doctor and he found that I am very highly intolerant of eggs and that they could be producing inflammation in my body. Also, I am moderately intolerant to wheat and dairy. All else is ok (fructose, nuts, veggies, fruit, coffee-thank goodness). Also, an environmental toxin test was run and I have some toxins from plastic and am instructed to not drink from or eat from plastic containers (the toxins affect cell membranes he said). Im avoiding all of the above.
Bottom line that I am hoping can help others who feel doomed. Emotions can play a role in this. Now, I am fighting to move on and not make this "condition" my whole life. I realize that my emotions have played a big role in not being able to feel the progress I have made. Overall now I am feeling a great deal of relief in my right eye (rarely dry) but my left is still a problem (darn!). If my left were like my right I would consider myself "cured". There are times when the left feels a tad better but never like the right. As far as inflammation and the food thing, my rings are loose on my fingers as I type this. Also, my upper lids feel less "full/puffy" in the morning. My eye doc said he suspects that there is a connection between food intolerance and/or allergies and exasperation of bleph/mgd.....I guess time will tell if this is a factor with me. I am still on numerous meds- Wellbutrin, Zyprexa (given for racing thoughts, anxiety, etc), and Xanax and am not worrying a bit about their effects since the eye doc measured this (also, to note, I went off of all meds in the past and did not notice any change- that must be because of my type of dry eye). I am also seeing a therapist (I advise this).
So, I am planning on continuing the lid therapy and scrubs (still cant find a drop I can use- but with a close to normal TBUT and good tear production I am leaning towards letting my eyes work things out on their own), finishing the Azasite, and praying for my left eye to straighten up. In the future, if/when I get my bleph/mgd in control and my TBUT above 10 and my left eye is still in pain, then I will look further into the conjunctival chalasis issue- I have an apt with the Harvard Eye clinic that is known for this surgery...
So to all you dear friends, I am not claiming to be "in the clear", sometimes I feel like my left eye is screaming at me all day. But, I realize that I had worked myself up into a state where I thought I was doomed when in fact progress was happening. It has helped to stop constantly "chasing a cure" and reading about eyes all the time. The most helpful advice was that now that I am caring for my eyes like I am, I will not get worse (was my biggest fear)...I think this is true for a lot of us. This bleph/mgd was probably festering for years, it will take some time to get in in control (my opinion at least).
Lastly, faith has helped a lot. I have been praying that I can let this go and not carry the burdon alone. I believe that this has helpled too.
Hopefully this long post will help someone. My prayers are with you all.
Autumnn
Comment