red & depressed...can't handle this anymore!

[pretty.little.mess]

Hi everyone

I am new to this site...honestly when I first joined up I didn't want to post for ages because I don't want to sound like I'm whingeing...but I have now come to the point where I can't DEAL anymore.

In May 2009, my boss's daughter got conjunctivitis (he used to have a home office so we were around the kids a lot). About two weeks later I noticed by eyes becoming slightly red, a little bit irritated and feeling gritty and dry. I went to my GP who took a test & confirmed conjunctivities. Gave me some drops, and I cleared up for about a week before things got really bad. Around June 2009, I had the worst red eyes I've ever seen. People would comment on them on a daily basis. A shop assistant once asked if I was stoned. I went back to my GP who put me on a different perscription, which didn't work. I turned to clear eyes (big mistake!) and eventually fell into a pattern of using them about twice daily. The more I used them, the more I realised how badly they were affecting my eyes...I stopped using them in about August 2009, and my red eyes continued. I saw my optometrist, who recommended Celluvisc and referred me to an opthamologist (waiting list 2 months). I used the preservative free tears but no difference. I eventually started becoming really withdrawn, only leaving the house for work. I stopped seeing friends and going out which was hard because I used to have a very active social life. I HATED the way I looked...everytime I saw my reflection I used to get so angry and upset I would just lock myself away in my room. Eventually I got to see the opthamologist, who told me to use Systane and steer clear of the clear eyes.

By January 2010, there was little to no improvement. My eyes would maybe clear up a bit during the day, but by nighttime they would look like they were on fire. I began using other preservative free drops, starting taking vitamin e and fish oil but nothing. I went back to the opthamologist who told me that I just have dry eyes and have to get used to it. He told me to use viscotears and just deal with the symptoms. The funny thing is, the only symptom I have is red eyes. They aren't itchy, or sore, they don't feel gritty like they did last year. I have chronic red eyes and I am so sick of it. I'm starting to get severly depressed, and I know it sounds so stupid because it's hardly a huge deal, but I seriously can't deal with this anymore.

I can't afford to keep going to specialists as there is only one in my city. I can't stand being told to deal with it anymore! My dream for my whole life is to be a flight attendant...I had an interview last month. I was turned away because of my eyes. It's starting to ruin my life...and I say that with no dramatics. Every time I catch a glimpse of my eyes, I get instantly depressed and in a bad mood. Because of this mood, I am constantly fighting with my partner. He doesn't know what to do with me anymore. My GP has suggested an antihistamine eyedrop but I don't want to do any more damage. I need help! It has been such a blessing to find this site and know that there are others out there who know how this feels...

If anyone has any suggestions, or thinks it might be worth me travelling to a different city to see another doctor, please help!

[rooneyandfergie]

Hi pretty.little.mess

Let me start off by telling you a bit about myself. I started having dry eyes since last Dec after a prolonged period of computer use. After contact lens, I further developed red eyes via the growth of many new eye vessels. To compound matters, I was later diagnosed with glaucoma. the medication used to treat glaucoma further increased the dryness and redness of my eyes.

I have wore tinted glasses since a few months back. I really hate wearing tinted glasses and look on with envy at people with healthy white eyes. But you should take comfort in the fact at least you do not feel discomfort with your eyes. If you look at the form with Dr Latkany, there is talk of anti vegf therapy becoming a possible treatment in the near future. Hence do not lose heart, there will likely be a solution one day for this.

[Rebecca Petris]

Hi there. Welcome. Sorry to hear what you're going through.

I went back to the opthamologist who told me that I just have dry eyes and have to get used to it.

There is a little bit of truth in this... If you have dry eyes, chances are you'll have to get used to the fact that you do, but if what he meant was "Live with it... nothing we can do" that's WRONG. If there's no one better to see in your city, don't give up hope, it may yet be possible to get the information you need from him to get on a better treatment path - but you'll have to be very active in the process yourself.

Diagnostically, have you been given any more information than that you have dry eyes? If not, on what BASIS did they diagnose you with dry eyes? (Eye redness is not by any means the most common symptom of dry eyes.) The point I'm getting at is that clinically they must have seen some signs of dryness. What were they? Pin them down. Call the doctor's office. Find out what kind of tests were done and what the results were, and let us know. Did they see poor tear production? Staining? Did they do a Schirmer (strip) test? Did they see any signs of blepharitis? These are the kinds of things you need to know in order to figure out some next steps. - And what about allergies?

One practical thing you might want to work on in the meantime: If your eyes are sort of OK in the morning but turn to fire by night, there are two things that can be doing this: 1) Environment (office? outdoors in wind?), 2) activity (reading? computer work?). You may be able to reduce that effect quite a lot by using some protective glasses or goggles. I know, I know, no one wants to hear that, but it might really be a step towards getting better.

My dream for my whole life is to be a flight attendant...I had an interview last month. I was turned away because of my eyes.

Don't give up hope at this point. It's true that flying is really hard on the eyes but I know people who manage it. However before more interviewing I would first do everything possible to get the dry eye under control - not so your eyes will look better at the interview but because flying is a nasty environment for the eyes so you need to be in a position of knowing you've got effective treatments & tools to manage it.

My GP has suggested an antihistamine eyedrop but I don't want to do any more damage.

I know how you feel but it's entirely possible that could really help. At the least, it will be useful information to find out whether it helps or not. I'd go for it.

If anyone has any suggestions, or thinks it might be worth me travelling to a different city to see another doctor, please help!

Your current doctor does not sound helpful or knowledgeable but before moving on I'd try to milk all the information you can from him. Sometimes doctors aren't communicative but they've actually put lots of good information on your chart. Go, or call, with lots of questions.

[Michael2]

when you say dry eyes is something you have to get used to...this i dont understand. do u mean, get used to the fact you have a condition that should be treatable but that you'll have to manage and control it once you get back or close to 100%, or get used to the fact that youre in constant pain 100% of your life. how can anyone get used to that? i feel like when i hear these things said its like youre suppose to accept that being in misery is okay. i just dont get how people can accept this

[pretty.little.mess]

Thank you for your response, Rebecca! After reading your post I have gone to my optometrist to get another referral to a different opthamologist. In the meantime, I'm very gently trying antihistamine drops which appear to be working but I don't want to get too ahead of myself in case it's only temporary. The opthamologist I saw previously didn't give me any specifics, he just told me I have dry eye & that it's probably from looking at a computer all day (i have worked in front of a computer for over 6 years - why would it just start up all of a sudden?) I honestly think that there's some kind of conjunctivitis that has just been undiagnosed & has now led to this. I don't have any other symptoms of dry eye. I don't have pain, or itchiness, nothing. The opthamologist refused to do any test so when I get my new referral I am going to demand a test!

[Rebecca Petris]

PLM,

The opthamologist refused to do any test so when I get my new referral I am going to demand a test!

Good idea :-) Also, before your appointment you might want to read this article, maybe even take it with you to ask questions from.

Michael2,

when you say dry eyes is something you have to get used to...this i dont understand. do u mean, get used to the fact you have a condition that should be treatable but that you'll have to manage and control it once you get back or close to 100%, or get used to the fact that youre in constant pain 100% of your life. how can anyone get used to that? i feel like when i hear these things said its like youre suppose to accept that being in misery is okay. i just dont get how people can accept this

I don't mean get used to either misery or constant pain. In my experience, sooner or later both of those things can be changed. I meant get used to having a chronic condition that is not 100% cured - that may require some ongoing care or have some degree of ongoing residual impact on lifestyle.

[Michael2]

thnaks...sorry i was having a bad eye pain night and its been straight for a year basically

[Michelle]

I feel your pain!

I too feel so exhausted and devistated by my dry eyes! In April of 2008 I got really, really sick with sort of virus. The doctors dont even know. I stopped producing tears all together. No tears at all even when I cry! Been tested for Sjogrens and other diseases with no results to indicate thats what is going on. I am no longer working, have trouble driving at times, wear dark glasses and/or goggles in doors and out. My eyes are no longer big, brown and beautiful. They are dry and red with white goop in the corners. I always look stoned and I have had heard the many "behind my back" comments about the girl trying to look "cool" with her shades on indoors. Or, "Who are you? Are you a movie star in those shades?" Also, get called "blinky" alot now. Needless to say, I am depressed, embarrassed and hate going out in public. My profile picture is pre-dryeye. I dont have one picture of me without glasses now! The worst for me is the constant pain I am in. It has turned my life upside-down! I have been through 7 opthamologists, 5 doctors, so on, and so on. I will not give up! I do not buy it when my doctors say "We are doing all we can do." That is bull! I have been doing TONS of research. I am 100% convinced there is a hormone factor in all of this! I am on a quest and I will find a cure! We all need to stand together to fight for doctors to become more educated on this disease! No more artificial tears as a "band-aid" anymore! We need blood work done to check our hormone levels, we need to treat the whole body not just trying to make the eyes comfortable! No more "band-aids" we will find a cure! I know this with every ounce of my being! We just need to stick together and help eachother through the rough times. Keep your chin up. Easier said than done, I know. Just spent the past 3 days crying without any tears and in pain. I am conitnuing my quest for a cure and will keep posting what I find. Keep praying, keep researching and keep pushing your doctors to help find the true cause of this! Nobody knows how this feels but all of us who are going through it. It has been a sad and painfully long road for me these past 2 years. My only advice would be to tune out the sad and scary posts you will see on this site. Read them sometimes and take a break from it. It is overwhelming and depressing. I was petrified when I first logged on 2 yrs ago. I took a break and now I am back. Keep seeing your friends, wear sunglasses even indoors or at night and keep planning your life. This is my new goal too. I am learning to get my life back even if it is a different one. God bless and hang in there!

[markw82]

I must say it's at least comforting knowing I'm not the only one suffering with this disease. I too contracted a flu that was accompanied by conjuctivitis. While the flu went away the red eyes cleared up to a certain degree, but I am left with strong red vein patterns on the white of my eye and under my eye lids. I also have styes that form on my eye lids. I have been to a few different eye doctors and they all say it's blepharitis. I have tried various drops and they don't seem to help. I do also have a hormone imbalance from a varicocele, so that is the only thing I can think that is keeping my eyes red. This virus is most likely an adenovirus. We are not alone in this, but some people have the redness go away aftyer exposure to virus, some eyes remain slightly infected?

Is there anywhere that I can see pictures of others red eyes on here to compare to my eyes>?

[Lucy]

My only advice would be to tune out the sad and scary posts you will see on this site. Read them sometimes and take a break from it. It is overwhelming and depressing.

I just want to say one thing about the "sad and scary posts" on this forum. If not for those of us with dry eyes, there would be on Dry Eye Zone.

It's hard often to weed out the good posts from the scary, but to take a break from reading the forum is a good idea. It's easy to want to find out every little thing we can and this just makes us more nervous, plus gives us more dryness.