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Hello! I'm new, I'm here and unfortunately I'm miserable :(

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  • Hello! I'm new, I'm here and unfortunately I'm miserable :(

    Hello Everyone!

    Just to introduce myself I am a 23 year old female living in England who 6 months ago made the worst mistake of her life. That is, I elected to have lasik eye surgery. I knew a few people who have had it done (however they had epi-lasek) and raved that it was the best thing since sliced bread.

    I am ashamed and embarrassed to admit the reasons I chose to have the surgery, but feel I must share them as it is significant as to why I feel so bitter and angry at myself. Basically I was vain and didn't like how I looked in glasses. I also wore contacts but found they made my eyes dry at work (computer use) so ended up wearing my glasses during the week and contacts at weekends. So ironically a decision which was mainly led by vanity has had the outcome that my eyes are mainly red, unsightly and irritated by make up. My appearance is far worse than it was before surgery when I had lovely clear white eyes.

    Also as with most people, I no longer wanted the 'hassle' of fiddling around with contacts. Now I dream of the days when my biggest worry was cleaning my contacts at night.

    Since the surgery my eyes have been dry, red and painful. I am so furious with myself that I did not do enough research into what could go wrong. I did search the internet, but when I read things about 'dry eye' I assumed it was the type of dry eye I had when wearing contacts on the computer (oh how wrong I was) If I had known it would be the pain I experience now I obviously would have walked out of the surgery without looking back.

    I think about my eyes ALL THE TIME. It is very hard to forget about something which is constantly painful. I wish I could go back to that day and never have it done. I know there is no use thinking like this as it isn't as if I can turn back time. Unfortunately I don't seem to be able to help myself. My eyes seem to rule most of my waking thoughts.

    The laser eye surgery company Optimax have been less than supportive it has to be said. When I walked in for my first consultation the first thing the doctor said to me was 'So, have you done your research on the internet?' I didn't know the doctor expected you to do your own research. I do not know what dry eye test they are meant to do but I certainly did not have a schmirr test.

    I am only 23, I had only been wearing contacts for 4 years and my prescription was relatively slight (-2.5 in each eye) and I feel as though I have paid £3,000 for someone to butcher my eyes. I honestly cannot believe I have done this to myself.

    Two weeks ago I was fitted with silicone lowers plugs. They have made a marginal difference when I am at home all day with no make up on. However as soon as I put on make up, enter air conditioning or use a computer they are as bad as they ever were. I have been taking flax seed oil for 5 months and recently switched to fish oil. I also take a nutritional eye supplement with bilberry and evening primrose oil.

    As I am 6 months post lasik is this it for me now? Are my nerves well and truly severed? Some places I read they give a period of 6 months for the nerves to grow back and other places I see it is more like a 6-12 months. Does anyone know more about this?

    I am considering getting my uppers plugged but am concerned that this will discourage the nerves to grow back. That might sound stupid but from what I understand nerves need to fire to make connections, will teary eyes mean the nerves don't work so hard to grow back? If I am talking rubbish someone please tell me I won't be offended.

    Sorry for such a rant. I honestly do not feel as though I can talk to anyone I know about this as they do not understand which is fair enough. I have kept this bottled up for 6 months. 'Dry eyes' sounds like a minor complaint until you experience it yourself. I am so grateful to find a site with people I can relate to.

    Anyway I will stop now, but if anyone can offer any advice about the nerve re growth and upper plugs I would be really grateful

    Thanks people x

  • #2
    Oh, I'm so sorry to see you here. I also continue to feel really ashamed and embarrassed, even though I know I should not. I am 9 months post-lasik.

    I managed just fine with contacts -- I just thought wow -- wouldn't it be such a nice thing to do for myself? Now I suffer dry eyes, starbursts and very bad floaters. It is truly so sickening to think what I've done.

    Well -- enough of that -- look through this board -- search for "lasik" -- you'll find all kinds of stories and advice and HOPE!!!! Feel free to PM...I am in the throws of trying to gain a better mental handle on all of this, and I understand what you are going through.

    HANG IN THERE!!!!!!!

    Comment


    • #3
      Paula- I can relate, I had Lasek done 8 weeks ago and now have severe dry eye. I had Lasek due to vanity as well, of course and not have to deal with contacts etc. So you are not alone, I'm sure that "vanity" is a contributor for most. I'm sorry that you are not receiving supportive follow-up care as well. I have 4 plugs in and I dont think that there are any negative effects as far as healing. Your Dr. can address that. My 4 plugs have helped, when my eyes do water it feels great and they stay in there! I think my Restasis may finally be kicking in, yeah. Have you tried it? From what I hear from most on the board it does get better. I know its hard not to obsess about it, but it sounds like you are doing all the right things. Wish you well.

      Comment


      • #4
        PaulaD,

        You're in the right place. I know what it feels like to be able to think about nothing but how much my eyes hurt!

        There's plenty of support here and good tips, too.

        Welcome.

        --Liz

        Comment


        • #5
          Hugs and welcome

          Hi Paula D -

          I am so sorry to hear of your story. I hate to see other people who suffer from post-laser surgery dryness, but I am really glad you found this site.

          The self-blame is common among those of us who have had laser surgery. I have gotten the excellent advise from many kind souls on DEZ that losing the self-blame is the most important piece of your emotional healing.

          IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Regardless of your reasons for getting the surgery, you did not walk into the situation expecting to cause yourself pain and harm. You expected that it would make your life better. And, like most of us, you were given bad information about dry eyes. The surgeons are the medical professionals. They should have screened you for it. And it is not your responsibility to get all of the information from the internet.

          And, this is not a done deal for you. The newer research, according to Dr. Latakany (I highly recommend that you read his book, The Dry Eye Remedy) suggests that it can take as many as 5 years for those nerves to recover. Not that it would take you this long - you may see huge improvements in the next 6 months, one year, who knows.

          Regarding plugs, I have read many different things on this website. But I am not a doctor. I would suggest posing that question to Dr. Latkany who takes the time to answer patient questions. He is an opth in NY who works only with dry eye patients. He is an incredible resource and I am very grateful for his presence on this website.

          Good luck with your dry eye journey. I am so sorry you are suffering and at such a young age. But things can and will get better.

          MDE

          Comment


          • #6
            I know how you feel...

            I am so sorry to read your story, Paula.

            Reading your post was like reading my own story. So young (I'm a bit older... 28) to have your life practically ruined. All that because we "did not like" wearing glasses. How I miss them today, though!

            It will get better though! Hang in there and think positive!!!

            Comment


            • #7
              Paula,

              Welcome to this site. I can tell you that you are not alone in your feeling towards Lasik. You expressed it perfectly!

              On the plus side you have done yourself the best thing possible by finding this site. The tips and support you get from this site will be invaluable to you. It will get you going in the right direction and give you a sense of empowerment. Get yourself a notebook and start writing things in it. You will get alot of imformation in a short time and it is easy to lose track of things.

              First off I would tell you to get the book by Dr. Robert L. that is for sale in the dry eye store, or order it from the library. Read it in a day and it will give you in that day what you can spend a week working out on this site. He gives an incredible amount of tips and insight into dry eye.

              Second, stick with your Omega 3, very important.

              I have a top plug as well as a bottom plug...it made all the difference...talk to your Dr. about this.

              Is your Dr. doing everything he can for you. Finding the right Dr. really does make a difference in your treatment. I am not questioning your Dr. but it is important that you feel your Dr. is on your side....I'm wondering why he hasn't thought about a top plug for you...once again I am not questioning your Dr. but you need to be with someone who is going to be proactive about your treatment.

              I switched from my Lasik Dr. to a Dr. recommended through this site. To have someone look at my eyes and tell me what was wrong almost made me cry. He explained to me that dry eye was a catch all phrase for many conditions, and he explained to me what was causing my pain, and it wasn't just because my nerves had been cut, though this accounts for some of the pain.

              Have you had the Tear breakup Time Test, and the Schirmers Test...what are you results.

              I find Genteal pm Gel great for giving me night time moisture. I didn't get any help with any other drop. I also like Dwelle taht is for sale in the Dry eye store. What drops are you using?

              i am only 4 months post Lasik, but in terms of improvement I am way ahead of where I could be because of this site.

              I'm sure you will see the same improvement.

              bernadette

              Comment


              • #8
                Hello, Paula, and welcome --

                Just to add one additional suggestion: There is a "sister" website to this one, LaserMyEye, with a primary mission regarding people interested in or dealing with the outcome of refractive eye surgery. Rebecca Petris is in charge of both of these websites. If you have the time and interest to continue questing -- but without it leading to unnecessary worry or obsession -- here's the link to its bulletin board/discussion forum:
                http://www.lasermyeye.org/forums/index.php

                Given my personal experience, I can echo the comments from most posters above, but especially from "MyDryEyes" : IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, and "lboogie": HANG IN THERE.

                As "liz56" said: you are in the right place. From this website (as well as the other, if you choose to visit it), I believe you will find reassurance that you are not alone, and have the chance to explore opportunities to feel better both physically and emotionally.

                Please keep posting and letting us know how you are doing!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Wow - thank you for your replies everyone, you have been very supportive already.

                  I will take the suggestion of buying Dr Latkany's book straight away. This site is obviously brilliant but you do have to do a fair amount of searching to get what you want (and prolonged computer use hurts my eyes!)

                  The drops I use are refresh vials (PF) for daytime and I have recently started using a product called blink intensive tears vials (PF) however I think they may only be available in the UK? They are a thicker consistency and feel similar to systane. I don't actually like the feeling as they feel 'smeary' in my eye but they are far more effective at making the whites of my eyes less red (refresh does nothing in this respect). However I recently wondered if this was because they are better at lubricating my eye or if they contain one of the deadly 'get the red out' ingredients I keep reading about. I will list the ingredients according to the leaflet

                  Polyethylene Glycol 400 (PEG 400) - 0.25%
                  Sodium Hyaluronate
                  Boric Acid
                  Sodium Borate (decahydrate)
                  Sodium Chloride
                  Potassium Chloride
                  Calcium Chloride (dihydrate)
                  Magnesium Chloride
                  Purified Water

                  Bearing in mind they are PF and in vials, does anyone know if any of the ingredients listed are the 'get the red out kind'? I am wary to use them again until I find out.

                  In the past I have also been prescribed viscotears (tube) systane (bottle) and liquifilm (bottle) none of which I got on with so stopped using. Not surprising since learning they all have preservatives, it makes me seriously question my doctor's knowledge!

                  I have not been offered restasis as if it not legal in the UK. I have never been given a tear break up time test or a schmirr test. The last time I visited my doctor (to get the plugs) I did mention the fact I may need a dry eye test and he just looked at me (patronisingly) and said it was 'not necessary as it was obvious what the problem was'. IS IT!???

                  I will just point out at my laser eye clinic I have seen 3 different doctors so far and have never seen the same doctor twice (how awful is that?) Every time I go I feel as though I am being fobbed off.

                  As I am still shortsighted (-0.5 in my right eye and -0.75 in my left) I was offered a free re-treatment around 2 months after the surgery. At the time I did not realise my dry eye was due to the nerves being severed and I actually considered it! Thank god I know now and to be quite honest my short sightedness and still having to wear glasses for driving is the least of my worries (ironically). I cannot believe they offered to re sever my nerves and put me back to square one when they knew I had surgery induced dry eye! Optimax is one of the major laser surgery providers in the UK and yet I feel as though I have never known such an incompetent bunch of people.

                  I have been doing my own 'experiments' to find out what makes my dry eyes worse. The 3 factors I identified were computer use, air con and make up. Eliminating factors one by one (i.e. wearing and not wearing make up being in air con all day, wearing and not wearing make up with computer use, and wearing make without air con or computer use) I have deduced the main problem is air con. For instance I wore full make up all day at home (no air con) yesterday and although my eyes did sting a bit they stayed mostly white for the day.

                  This comes as some relief as I was starting to think the main culprit may be make up and I couldn't bear to give it up (I am blonde and pale and look a bit dead without eye make up )

                  However on the other hand it is devastating that it is air con causing it as SO many places have air con nowadays!

                  Through my symptoms I have been trying to work out what kind of dry eye I have, evaporative etc. I assume as my eyes feel reasonably comfortable at home with no make up, air con or computer use my tear film must be reasonably normal, otherwise they would feel dry and burn then surely? I don't know, I shouldn't really have to work it out but I can't rely on my doctor as 'it is obvious what the problem is'!?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hi Paula

                    Like you, I live in the UK - so I have a fair idea of what the doctors might have said to you. Your tale is so familiar - and their `repertoire' of treatment is very limited. They have heard about Restasis but I don't think it is an available treatment - yet.

                    I didn't get on with Systane, Blink or Refresh - or in fact anything else I'm afraid. So many of them seem to irritate - and of course that is something we all can do without.

                    The type of drops to avoid (to my knowledge) are those with Vasoconstrictors - drugs such as naphazoline and xylometazoline (e.g. Murine®, Optrex Clear Eyes®, Eye Dew®, Otrivine Antistin®). Invariably, these ingredients are written in such small font that it can be a struggle to make out what it says - I often have to ask an assistant.

                    There are a number of UK optometrists that have a special interest in dry eye and you might be interested to see what they stock - the one I use has a few locations south of London. I am not on commission - I have bought stuff from them over the years and I have found them a nice company to deal with - and their prices are reasonably competitive. http://www.matheson-ptometrists.com/.../locations.htm

                    It really is a case of experimenting with your environment and identifying any `triggers'. We don't use central heating, my office at work is like an ice box (but I like it that way) and a drive in the car means a white knuckle ride in every sense!

                    Diet - plenty of omega 3 - green vegetables and drink plenty of water. I haven't ordered Dr L's book but am tempted to do so. There might just be something there that I hadn't thought of or tried.

                    (The nice thing about this site is that people share).

                    Irish Eyes

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Oops - letter o is missing from optometrist

                      Hi again Paula

                      Typo occurred in previous email

                      http://www.matheson-optometrists.com.../locations.htm

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hi,

                        The Schirmers test measures how much tears you produce, and the Tear Break up Time measures how quickly your tears evaporate.

                        If you are in a humid enviroment your tears will not evaporate quickly, if you are in a dry environment then your tears will evaporate at a quicker rate. We all have, or should have,oil in our tears, and this stops the tears from evaporating too quickly, but if you don't have this oil in your tears then your tears will evaporate very quickly in a dry environment.

                        At least this is my understanding of it.

                        What is your skin like. Alot of Irish and British people suffer from Rosacea, a reddening of the facial skin, that can cause meiobian glands dysfuncion (oil glands in the eye lid are blocked) or ocular rosacea. You could have been perfect and never known you had MGD, but because your eyeball is sore from the surgury you are now feeling the fact that your tears are not at peak quality/quanity. This is what happened to me.

                        Not sure if this is of any help but it might give you something to think about.

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