it's been a while...

[epicjinx]

Hi all... it feels werid posting again. In june, of last year i tried to commit suicide few reasons: depression, dry eyes, just finished college, no job family on my back. I took an overdoes, im not happy... but, im happy being alive... i guess? things are picking up slowly, ive got goals to aim towards-> transforming plastic into useful items (look up precious plastic). If, i cant find a job. im starting up my own business, for some strange reason(i may sound ungreatful). I nearly died, i got anti-poison whatever you wanna call it. by, all odds i should've died. but i didnt. I recently, went to comicon in edinburgh and will continue with comicons. I'm speaking to an OT, about it all, im on setraline. She helps, im doing CBT, i just... researching dry eyes made me obsessed, and im starting to think, they wont ever cure it?. My dry eyes is due to allergies mainly, once this was under cntrol it went from, 4-6/7. different in each eye. im going to start it back up, with mayb flaxseed oil from H&B. seen i have 6 messages. as for my appointment? well. been told do the same routine, my dry eye? it's mild. i was so obsessed, i nearly lost my own life. I'm sorry for not posting, i became severely suicidal stress at college, dry eyes just life i guess....

[chuto]

I am very happy to see you here again, I was worried about you since your last post

[epicjinx]

thanks, i now have blood clotting problems but im alive i guess.

[Hokucat]

Epicjinx, I am so glad to hear you are ok and sounds like you are getting back on track with your life. Great that you found your severe dry eyes were mainly caused by allergies and that it's mild now.

You sharing your journey and feelings can give others hope, and to know that this disease has similarly affected many of us physically and emotionally, so we can support one another when others may not understand. Thanks so much for for the update, and welcome back!

[suem600]

Epicjinx, I am so glad you posted. I just joined this group and read your suicide note. It was clear to me that you needed counseling and an anti-depressant. Sometimes when we get down, we don't have the energy or resources to get up on our own and need some help. Sleeping all day was a big clue and I'm surprised your family didn't take you to a doctor. So, now you know that you are on your own as to figuring out what is wrong with you and what to do about it. Stay with the Sertaline, the therapist and work on it. You are young and don't have the experience of learning that you can overcome and take charge of your problems, with some help from your friends on the internet. Stop thinking about how to die and think about how to live. Think about the inspiration of many totally blind people who managed to make productive lives for themselves. Maybe not the lives they thought they would have, but worthwhile all the same. Above all, don't use a permanent solution to solve a temporary problem. You might consider opening a Go Fund Me account to help with the medical expenses. Start doing some volunteer work with visually impaired children and adults. When you learn that you have something of value to give to other people, your self-esteem will improve.

[shakenbake]

Epicjinx,

If your dry eyes are due to allergies you can pursue some allergy treatments. I get weekly shots that have helped with my allergies immensely ( although I can't say they've helped my eyes too much). Now I don't' need any anti-histamines or nasal sprays and am pretty allergy free all year.

My dry eyes are due to a systemic autoimmune disease that was caused by my birth control so I have the least hope of improvement. I'm also in my 20s and I think about dying all the time. I've tried almost every treatment available. Ocusoft Scrubs, Cliradex scrubs, Omegas, Restasis, Doxy, Azasite, Xiidra, DHEA, Autologous Serum, Plugs, Lipiflow, sclerals, and probing. You seem like you have a lot left to try. I often do destructive things like not looking both ways before crossing the street in the hopes I'll get hit by a car or leave my door unlocked at nighttime. I wouldn't intentionally hurt myself because I have a lot of people who love me; as I'm sure you do as well. But I understand your pain. Our generation is taught to believe we can do anything. When those possibilities become limited due to health issues it can be devastating. I wish I were dead but I don't think hurting yourself is the answer.

[epicjinx]

Alot left to try.. i went to an opthamologist to be told just eat fish. When i hoped to try more options, ive been on steriods, herbal treatments, fish oils, eye drops eye gels, warm compresses, eye lid massage. It wasnt the answer. I knew something was wrong i went to the mental health area in april and it happened in june. I told people in my college i wanted to die no one believed me or helped me at all. I felt so alone and now i dont care if people want to not make effort with me. Or friends or whatever. My OT is helping me. Im trying to get a job difficult. Might do gym to take my minds off things. As for the previous reply above: you have no idea unless youve been in that situation. Its like nothing matters at all you dont care if you live or die until you are actucally dying. I cried in hospital and the doctor laughed at me like its a joke. My liver was failing. Telling me stop looking for ways to die. I did. That was uncalled for, you knoa nothing of me or my past. Im trying to live my life now. As best as i can. I lost friends. And now people barely bother with me because i dont message them or make plans and strictly im.done with those people. Im caring for my animals now. They mean the world to me and i forgot about them. When all was lost i became horribly horribly disconnected with everything. I felt like i had nothing i felt alone anf its the worst ive ever felt.

[epicjinx]

I know its advice. But please watch the wording. Ive had a bad past and it haunts me daily i live with depression and its a struggle. Im back on traxk with a normal life. Recently broken up with. And i still loved them but twice theyve not been nice but got drunk at a party and cried and my ex cleaned me up. Least of what i expected.