how to turn a frustrating experience with a dr into a positive one

[ishkane]

I have this bad habit of alienating doctors with some good reason - I've had some really horrible experiences with doctors. But of course, by doing that, I'm burning a bridge.

I've been seeing an optometrist in my city who has a speciality in dry eyes. When I first began seeing her about a year and a half ago, she seemed really on the ball with wanting to help me. She was the first one who ran any sort of tests on my eyes, spent a lot of time talking to me about options, etc. The last few time I've gone to see her, while she's still as compassionate as ever, I feel like she simply tells me you're eyes are doing great! the last time i saw her she said that i have some dryness around my cornea (this is new). so then how can my eyes be "great" if i'm experiencing new dryness? I'm also pretty sure I have a lacrimal issue in my right eye that cropped up 6 months ago that she just has completely glossed over (well, restasis is your only answer!). *I* had to ask her for the particular test which tests tear flow/production.

Long of the short, I'm getting a little frustrated with her. I'm getting to that point where I can feel myself wanting to say a few "choice words" to her, but that's not going to solve anything. I guess I'm wondering... what can I say to her to make her understand my frustration without alienating her? Or, how can I explain myself so she'll start taking me seriously again?

[PotatoCakes]

Keep in mind, she may not have any additional answers for you. I understand your frustration but if she's unaware of other possibilities or if there simply aren't other options, there's not much she can do besides continue to monitor your situation and try to be a positive force (thus, 'your eyes are doing great!').

You're right, "choice words" won't help either of you. What you might do, is continue doing research here and elsewhere on the Internet and use her as a sounding board. Tell her (don't accuse her) that you are frustrated with your progress in managing your disease and would be interested in trying new drugs and / or techniques, can she help you find them? She may tell you that there just isn't anything out there besides Restasis and that's ok -- she's not alone in not knowing about other options and it's possible some of the other options out there wouldn't work for you. At least you'll know that she's not just putting you off, that she really doesn't have any additional suggestions. Remember, she's human and medical science only goes so far. At some point, those of us with chronic diseases need to accept the limits of medicine, hope & pray for medical breakthroughs and look for doctors that express empathy, show patience, listen and if they don't know something, are willing to help us weed through our own research and be open to trying new things as long as they won't cause damage in some other way.

[Rebecca Petris]

Congrats for recognizing a past pattern and wanting to do differently... that's half the battle at least!

while she's still as compassionate as ever, I feel like she simply tells me you're eyes are doing great! ...

how can I explain myself so she'll start taking me seriously again?

If you haven't already I'd suggest reading my article about getting better care from your doctor. Esp. #3 about the difference between how eye drs and patients set goals and measure progress. Big, big difference between your eyes looking great and your eyes feeling great. Sounds to me like before even having the conversation about what else to do (if anything), you are looking for a better way to convey the fact that your present symptom pattern (irrespective of your clinical signs!) is not acceptable and you want more improvement in symptoms than you're getting. Is that right? If so maybe OSDI would help. At any rate some open talk about clinical state versus symptoms is really necessary so that you two can come to terms on whether she can help you with more options.

[ishkane]

Thank you both for your replies I've read and bookmarked the link you suggested, Rebecca, and I'm feeling more hopeful about my next visit. I think one of the things that I'd stopped doing was taking questions with me... I guess I saw her as an "expert" so felt she'd be able to intuitively know what I needed, which I realize wasn't very fair.