Woke up in tears...

[Guest]

Hey SAAG. I never got your story on plugs. I figured something must have happened that lead you to choose cautery. Did you never get the right fit? did plugs irritate your eye? did they cause problems for you?

Actually, I was spared having any trouble with plugs - when my corneal specialist took a look at my upper puncta, he recommended cautery in lieu of plugs because the angle that my upper puncta pointed towards my eyeball would make the caps of plugs uncomfortable due to excess rubbing. So, for my uppers, while I did a trial of dissolvabe 3-mo plugs (they don't have caps on them, so rubbing is a non-issue), I went straight to cautery after that.

For my lowers, my dr. did suggest going ahead with umbrella-style plugs, so that's what I did - I probably posted about it on here somewhere... can do an advanced search for it...

EDIT: can't find any post I made about getting plugs... maybe I never did then. Anyhow, when I first got the plugs put in, if I looked really far in the direction of the plugs, I'd feel them... so for a while, I purposely just avoided looking that far over and the plugs felt fine. After a while, I could once again look as far as I wanted in the direction of the plugs and I wouldn't feel them at all... it's stayed that way ever since (the only time I can feel them now is if my eyes get super crazy dry, then I might notice the plugs a little bit)

I also want to tell you I started using Genteal Gel when i go to bed, and waking up in the morning isn't the excrutiating and painful event used to be. My eyes still feel gunky and crusty, but at least I can open without much pain. Have you tried Genteal Gel?

Yes, for quite a long time... but then I developed a sensitivity to it - at the end it made my eyes horribly red so I had to stop using it... any other gel I tried did the same thing, so that's why I started using the eye ointment at night.

[Cristi]

Hi Nadz
I'm so sorry for your husband suffering. Your thread is really scaring me. I'm a post lasik mess 1 year after surgery but with plugs and moisture chambers I'm doing fine most of the time, what will happen to me and the ones like me in a long run???You said you're husband was fine for 10 years and then bang......what are the doctors saying? It looks like something happened with his nerves that determined a loss of all tear production 10 years after....you said his schirmer is an absolute 0, can you please tell us was is tested with anesthetic drops? I wonder how many others are suffering so much after many years post lasik an are not aware of this wonderful site? I'm sorry I'm venting but I just need to write here my thoughts......
Another lasik induced dry eye....

[patientpatrick]

Cristi. You and I are in the same boat. I'm almost 14months post lasik with minimal improvement. I always thought eyes get better with time, but i'm terrified that it will only get worse with time. I don't know what to think or how to feel. All I know is that everyday is a battle, and I'm not sure if i can win the war so to speak.

[patientpatrick]

I'm not sure why I'm posting to this thread from way back when. I guess, I caught myself looking at pictures of myself from a few years back, my wedding pictures to be exact. I remembered how happy I was that day. I remembered how windy it was (we had an outdoor wedding), I remembered how sunny it was, and I even remember how handsome I looked in my glasses. MY GLASSES! oh my goodness how I miss my glasses. It's an added level of self hatred I endure every day. The fact that I gave up something I loved about myself so much and ended up in pain. I thought looking in the mirror would get easier somehow, but it hasn't.

[Guest]

I guess, I caught myself looking at pictures of myself from a few years back, my wedding pictures to be exact. I remembered how happy I was that day.

So far, so good...

I remembered how windy it was deathly to dry eyes (we had an outdoor wedding), I remembered how sunny it was, and I even remember how handsome I looked in my glasses. those glasses you miss so much... uh oh...

Getting iffy here... into dangerous territory...

MY GLASSES! oh my goodness how I miss my glasses. It's an added level of self hatred I endure every day. The fact that I gave up something I loved about myself so much and ended up in pain. I thought looking in the mirror would get easier somehow, but it hasn't.

Oh, and you went THERE... So sorry to hear you're feeling down!!!

Gotta keep working on not going there... But you know that, right?

Gotta hit the mental breaks when your thoughts start moving in this direction... lock up those thoughts in a mental box and do. not. go. there. ever. If you go there by mistake, then lock it back up even better, and resolve to not go there again. Every time you re-lock that box better, it gets easier to NOT open it again. It will only bring you pain, does not change anything, so there's no point in torturing yourself with it, right?

The self hatred has to go - you did the same as millions of people around the world have done and tried to improve your quality of life with a procedure that you were assured was safe. Self hatred should be reserved for truly awful things, and your decision to have refractive surgery is not one of them.

As for looking in the mirror getting easier, it will. Not enough time has passed for you yet... but eventually, you will be ok. You'll see.

Keep up the good fight and don't quit EVER!

[MartyM1985]

Don't give up bud.

[NotADryEye]

and I was a sobbing mess... sobbed in my current dr's office the first time I saw him back in 2009 - didn't mean to, but was so happy that he seemed GOOD, that I sobbed with relief to be there... ditto in Dr. Rosenthal's office for my first visit... dang... what is it about first visits and tears!!!

I think the sobbing in doctors' offices has to do with our relationship with hope. When we think we've finally found someone that can really help, and that will remove the pain so that we are no longer suicidal, we cry. We are relieved. We are on the verge of hopefulness. And so we cry.

[NotADryEye]

Life has its normal ups and downs and then once in awhile along comes a zinger and lays ya flat...

Rebecca, thank you for sharing your insight. Apparently it's the human condition.