Self conscious about looks

[Shell259]

my eyes just seem to have gotten worse and worse over the past 6 months.
May first they would only get red in the evenings, then I developed all of these permanent red veins and now they just always seem to be dull and off red in colour, like I’m ill or haven’t slept for a week.

I feel really self conscious about it am in my 20s and how I look is important to me. I used to really like my eyes and And receive compliments and now I can’t bare to look in the mirror anymore.
They look bad all the time and I’m so upset about it. I’m worried they are only going to continue to get worse and I don’t know what I’ll do then. I’ve stopped socialising as it is because I don’t want people to see them and they get worse when I’m out.

I dont know how I get through the next 50 years like this.

I dont know that there’s anything anybody can say to currently make me feel better, just venting I guess.
How do you shift such a negative mind set? I can’t look in the mirror anymore, it just feels like such a waste of the rest of my life

[KevinS]

Hello Shell, What specifically is going on with your eyes? Im suffering from SLK currently and can relate 100%.

[Guest]

May I ask, are you in pain? I'd say this, if you're not in pain, my god, enjoy your life while you can. I wish I could have predicted this, im 38 and in a lot of pain because of my eyes, I'm afraid to sleep (because my eyes open), I can't be outside in the wind. I'm disabled...if you're not disabled, try to look past the vanity and please participate in life.

If you are in pain, well, I'm so sorry. But I say the same thing, participate in life. I was depressed for 8 months and lost that portion of my life. I needed to grieve, but now it's time for me to move on and enjoy what's left. Good luck!

[edmunder]

Dowork123 Agree with Dowork, if not in pain pray that it doesnt start.

I have essentially zero oil production from my eyelids. If i wear big goggles 24/7 that fog up so i cant see well im in very little pain most of the day. By the evening my eyes are a bit raw just because tears without oil arent enough fir the eye even with 100% humidity.

Im trying to enjoy life and help my younger brother at least for a year or two. See where i am at mentally then.

If you just have red eyes get sunglasses. Pain is another story. I would get goggles or moisture chamber glasses asap.

[Rebecca Petris]

Don't let anybody minimize the experience of what red eyes may mean to you... Socially it can be super inhibiting, and it can really hurt your sense of self. But in reading your post the thing that stands out to me is that what's most damaging is taking this current experience and extrapolating it out way into the future. Just because you have it now does not mean you have it forever, for sure! When I have major eye stuff going on I make a really conscious effort to focus on short term only: What do I need to get through today? tomorrow? the rest of the week? or sometimes... the next hour or so?

And please don't fall for redness reliever drops, even Lumify! I'm getting more and more and more disturbed at all the optometrists that are pushing this drop for daily use, despite the benzalkonium chloride it contains. They wouldn't dream (at least I hope not) of recommending a lubricant drop with BAK, but they're handing Lumify out like halloween candy. Redness relieves need to be occasional or special even type of things not a daily habit.

https://www.dryeyezone.com/dryeyeblo...ess-relieverss

[MGD1701]

best is to tackle the causes. Redness could be demodex, allergies - did your dr examine all these??
For the time being, maybe wear a slightly tanned glasses to cover redness during the day time?? like a moving star too??

[SirDryEye]

Rebecca Petris What actually makes BAK harmful, like what specifically does it do to the eye. I’m strongly against redness relievers and would never use them after reading some of the stories on here, but I’ve got a few questions...

1. How many times typically would you have to use a redness reliever before you begin to experience “rebound redness”

2. Why do companies not give suitable warnings even though they are probably fully aware that there products are harmful?

3. As you have dry eye yourself, did you suffer from redness/prominent veins? Does redness begin to diminish as you tackle the root cause or is it here to stay ?

[SirDryEye]

Others are welcome to answer these questions!

[Shell259]

KevinS Dowork123 edmunder

sometimes my eyes are painful yes, they burn some days, some days they are just uncomfortable and some days they don’t feel so bad. Mostly I would say they are just uncomfortable, it really depends if I go out that day or not, if I do they can start burning quite badly.

I have had lipiflow done in June, I think this helped a little, when I first had a lipiview done my LLT was at 48 and 42 something like that. When I went back it had risen to 63 and 54 so not a massive improvement, but an improvement all the same. i have another follow up for that start of September.

I have also began IPL last week. My tear production is also low and 3mm so he did the IPL and then put bottom plugs in.
The first two days after this, were the best I have had in a while. Not sure if that was due to the plugs or the IPL, but they began to feel sore again shortly. Although I guess it’s positive that something helped in those days.

Redness wise, they seem to get redder in the evenings no matter how If it’s been a good or bad day, I can be feeling quite good, then see how red they are and it just really brings me down. I feel like I could deal with the pain a lot better if there wasn’t the appearance of it affecting my social life and self confidence so badly.

I cant stop blaming myself for working my last office job, I knew it was causing me problems. But I never thought this would happen. I’m so angry at myself all the time, I don’t know how you get over it being so self inflicted.

[Shell259]

Rebecca Petris thank you for your reply, you’re right I do need to try and take things as they come more.
I feel so stupid getting so upset about it, but I do feel like I have lost who I am and that kills me.

[Guest]

Don't feel stupid about being upset...this condition sucks. It's just so interesting to me that your main concern in this thread was redness. I'd live with blood red eye to have no pain...even less pain. I can even go back to why I feel that way to begin with. Your feelings are valid though, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

Alright, it's crazy because we have the exact same numbers for lipids and schirmers...exact. So I can feel your pain. It seems like you're guilty, angry, sad about what happened. I was and still am sightly. My dry eye happened because I got dust/dirt in my eyes and didn't think anything of it. Then a week later my visions starts going bad and it all snowballed from there. So yeah, being angry at yourself, I get that too. I wish I would have thought to clean my eyes out I just didn't. I was suicidal over this...to think if I would have just ran some water in my eyes this probably wouldn't have happened.

Interestingly enough I'm getting over it. Mainly because the doctors think this is a thyroid issue. Because every single doc was like, your abrasion wouldn't do this unless you were already having issues. So finding out it's mainly a thyroid issue has really helped me pull the blame off myself. Let me say to you, you had no idea your job would leave you with this many physical issues. How many other people worked there no problem? It's not like people are dropping off left and right in offices from dry eye. Don't beat yourself up too bad, there's no way you could have predicted this.

To be honest, I'm curious what your traumas were that sent you into dry eye issue. For example, the doc that diagnosed my thyroid disorder showed me a picture of my upper lids, he said, do you see these raised patches, I said yeah, he said, this is from the proteins in your contact lenses. I haven't worn contacts in 20 years. To think that my contacts at age 20 is causing a lid disease now is insane.

[Shell259]

Dowork123 my main concern is the pain of course, I do now struggle with going out and normal things.
I guess on good pain days my focus shifts to the redness and that becomes the main issue.
When I was working in the office my eyes would burn dreadfully, I just wish I had known chronic dry eye like this was even possible, if I had I would have quit straight away.
It’s annoying because I did go to the doctor but they just said use eye drops, had they warned me, I don’t think I would be in the mess I am now in.

I have no idea what has caused it, I was told I have a slight allergic reaction under my eyelids which I was given catacrom to use for two months, to see if the allergy reaction is causing my tear production to be lower. He hopes once the reaction is under control my tear production may go up. It’s been 3 weeks and no improvement yet.
Oil wise I was told initially that I am a partial blinker so if been working on that.
Ive been told my oil gland are all mostly intact, but that they are for whatever reason not making the amount of oil that they should be.
I’ve seen specialists who tell me my MGD is mild and seemed surprised I was so symptomatic.

I don’t know, if I stay in all day they don’t hurt but don’t feel good either. But staying inside for the rest of your life is no way to live. I was saving up to go travelling and now I’m spending all that money on dry eye treatments and going travelling looks unlikely ever if I struggle to be outside. It’s all just very depressing

[Guest]

No, everything you said is very depressing. We have a very similar path we went down mentally. I just went to Vegas because I was hearing the same thing, you're not that bad, you may be focusing too much on it. So I said, let's test this theory. I'm going to Vegas to meet a friend and I'm not going to complain I'm just going to do what I gotta do.

Well that went horribly...was stuck in my room the whole time. Just made me realize that no, this is just really bad. I'm just trying to be happy that I can function. I shifted from initially being like, why me, how did this happen, it's not fair to....I'm just happy I'm not in pain right now. I've been dealing with this almost a year now, so I almost forgot what it's like to have normal eyes.

My guess is we all have some time of condition effecting our eyes. It may be nerve injury, MGD, EBMD, thyroid disease, low androgens, computer use, allergies...I mean where do you begin.