I'm so discouraged and anxious

[eyes78]

I have issues with my eyes that come and go. They'll be absolutely FINE for weeks and then BAM, intolerable dryness & burning.

One Dr. said blepharitis and prescribed hot compresses. That made them even worse.

The intermittent nature of my issue plus the fact that I flush/blush easily made me suspect ocular rosacea.

Visited another Dr. yesterday who said ocular rosacea is certainly possible, prescribed Lotemax (steroid drop), doxycycline, and Restasis.

Took the doxy this morning on an empty stomach and threw up violently about half hour later. Bottle says take on empty stomach . . . but if I'm going to throw it up what's the point? Took another one with a fruit/spinach smoothie (no milk) and a few almonds. No issues.

The Lotemax may be helping, I don't know. Just started it yesterday.

The Restasis - well there's another issue. My insurance company said they may not cover it AT ALL, and the cheapest I've found is $365/mo at Costco (warehouse store). Even if they do decide to "cover" it, I still have to fulfill my $2,500 deductible before they'd pay anything.

I also have depression/generalized anxiety disorder and am worried that the Prozac is making my eyes drier. But I've tried several times in the past 15+ years to go off anti-depressants and I always end up near-suicidal. I stopped taking the Prozac a few months ago when I had a prior dry eye flare up and when it happened again last week (flare-up) I fell into a panicked, severely depressed state. I started taking the Prozac (20mg/day) again this morning because I can't say for sure it makes my eyes dry but I do know not being on it makes me severely anxious.

I'm so scared. I'm afraid I will suffer forever, not be able to keep my job, etc. I'm desperate.

[khmedia]

Hi eyes78,

Without getting into the ins and out of you and my condition I just wanted to drop you a quick line.

2 months ago I was feeling that "I will suffer forever, not be able to keep my job, etc.". I could see no way out.

I couldn't look at the screen (I work on PCs daily as a graphic designer) for more than 3 seconds. I was applying drops to no help every 10 minutes.

I thought my career was over given my reliance on working as a designer on computers.

Here I am 10 weeks on working away at my computer. I feel confident that the in the future I can hold down my job/career.

Personally I never thought I'd get to this stage.

I still have very dry eyes. Especially at night. However 10 weeks ago they were the driest ever. Like very dry. Now I am coping better even though the condition remains. I never thought this was possible.

So please keep the faith. It is very very hard especially when all you think is "this won't change". I was there. My condition didn't go away but it moved into a coping territory and I am delighted to be here at this moment.

I hope this somewhat helps a small bit.

Best regards to you,
Kevin

[eyes78]

Kevin, thank you so much. You have no idea how much it means to me that you took the time to respond. I am so happy to hear that things improved for you. It is encouraging to me as our situations are similar. I am an accountant and I spend ALL day in front of numbers on (2!) computer screens.

I have been putting drops in every 5 - 20 minutes today and my eyes are burning like hell. I hate this. Thank you so much, again.

[No tears in ATL]

Computer screen worker here, too. Yes, it will get better. I used to have awful flares, and yes, you will have some bad days periodically. It was so bad for me at times, I had to put ice packs on my eyes throughout the day. I still have a flare every month and a half or so, but it sure beats every other day now. There is hope, but right now, and I know from personal experience, all you can think about is the pain. Perfectly normal.

You mention putting in drops every 5-20 minutes--I'm not so sure that's a good idea. You can search this blog for posts on drops and how drops can be too much of a good thing.

There will be some trial and error for you on what works and what doesn't. Although I am a bit biased, I am not sure I would go full on with too many treatments at once. Maybe try artificial tears plus restasis, or artificial tears plus steroid drops to get the inflammation under control, and THEN if you feel stable, add Restasis to the mix. Drops plus restasis PLUS steroids was more than I could stand. Just my 2 cents. Restasis was extremely irritating and did not do anything for me. But some on here have some good experience with it.

Best of luck and hope you feel better soon.

[khmedia]

You are very welcome eyes78. I've been there where every second of every day your mind thinks "why me", "will it be like this forever". Also, waking up and having that thought process after a few seconds of waking up "oh that's right, I have that horrible condition". You will have all these thoughts no doubt. Taking a lot at other people's routines on the forum may help (there is a section for this called Daily Routine). It will also be confusing as each person's routine is different and you'll not know what to try. As No tears in ATL says it is trail and error. My 2 main areas were a) Hot compress and b) Moisture chamber glasses (for computer use). I still wear the moisture chamber glasses for my 9-5 work - I don't care what every one else thinks. I just dropped the entire office an email and let people know I was to wear them to help with an eye condition. People were very supportive. A lot of people had no clue (a bit like myself before I knew of MGD) and people thought that I had a blocked tear duct! I told them it was a bit more complex than that However, I'm getting side tracked here. But yes, you will not see progress as and when you do things. It won't be instant. About 6-8 weeks after my horrible dryness one day I met friends and suddenly noticed a difference. Not in my eye condition but in my mental health. I was no longer thinking 24/7 about the illness. More like 18/7. I told my friends perhaps because I am thinking about it less means that I am entering a coping sort of phase. That 18 hours per day of thinking about my condition was reduced even further and today even further still. I am here typing this with no moisture glasses on - taking a risk for a change - but I never thought this was possible 2 months ago. Dig deep and try to squeeze out any optimism you have. This forum has a been a great resource to me. Feel free to private message me anytime also.

Kevin