Thanks for the kind words

[clintsmommy]

I read the replies to my post, and I really appreciate it.I just found this website yesterday (11-16-06) and I think it is what I have been needing. I was really upset when I posted. I feel like I am just going to explode sometimes from the stress and aggravation. As everyone knows, it is alot to deal with.

I read several stories and I feel really bad because there are people who are in worse shape than me, and they are still staying positive. I really admire that. I will pray for everyone that they find healing or at least some relief.

I did not say much in my last post about what I have done about my dry eye. I have had it since I was 16 but it has gotten worse since Lasik. I had plugs for awhile, but they kept coming out. I have since had my ducts cauterized. I think it helps as far as keeping the drops in longer. I use Systane gel drops, preservative free. They are about $9 for a little bottle, but they work pretty good. I put some in at night before going to bed, and I wear a mask. I used to use an ointment at night, but my eyes would look glassy the next day. I wake up at least once a night, and I have to put more drops in. This is alot to deal with. I am only 24, and my eyes are this dry already. God help me. What is it going to be like when I am 40 and my eyes get drier with age? Most of what I have learned about dry eye has been off the computer. I have been to several doctors over the years, but they always want to give me some kind of steroid. I am not the type of person to just take whatever the doctor gives me without some research. I am in really bad shape..but after reading some of these stories, I realize it could be alot worse. I do not have mucous strings, and I can see good. I guess I do have some things to be thankful for. I have been in such a dark place for so long, that I have not seen any light.I feel so bad for everyone that has DES because I know what you are going through. The bad thing is that people do not understand the physical and emtional toll of it. How do you tell someone that you are wanting to commit suicide because of your eyes. That sounds so silly and absurd unless you are experiencing it. I obsess about it constantly, when I am watching tv(which can be really painful at times) I look at the beautiful people with the bright beautiful hydrated eyes and I am envious. I am not looking with envy at their body or hair or money, but their eyes. God this sounds crazy... I feel like I am the only one who does this.

[Rebecca Petris]

My heart goes out to you Marty, I know you're going through an awful time with this. - You know, this is going to sound awfully simplistic, but I do think that one of the few pieces of wisdom I can share from having seen a lot of people go through this over the years is that IT GETS BETTER. It really does. I can't guarantee your eyes will get better, though I hope and expect you'll see real improvement in time. But the severity of the emotional pain will subside and this will start placing everything in a different perspective.

How do you tell someone that you are wanting to commit suicide because of your eyes.

You can't tell it to most people, but (in my opinion) you can and must tell it to someone, ideally to someone who is equipped to understand and to help. Even just saying so here on the board is a good step. But for anyone struggling with suicidal thoughts I strongly urge you to at least talk with your internist about it and get a referral if appropriate, or if for any reason you can't or would rather not, call a suicide hotline. DO NOT, PLEASE DO NOT be held back from a step like this by thinking that "dry eye" sounds like too trivial a cause for feeling suicidal. It isn't. Remember that you don't need to start out by saying "I am feeling suicidal because I have dry eyes." Tell them you have an extremely painful ocular surface disease and the chronic pain is driving you over the edge. These are broader concepts that are better understood. Also, IF you feel it helps explain things better, get the OSDI survey and complete it to show them in more concrete terms what this is doing to you.