feel like venting

[Amy09]

one of the biggest things I hate about have to deal w/ severe dry eye in college is that it is very hard for me to become active in organizations simply because it's so difficult for me to go on overnight retreats. if you get involved w/ any organization on a college campus, you most certainly will be given the opportunity atleast once a semester to go on weekend overnight retreats. unlike 99% of my college peers, i can't just wake up after 3 hours of sleep and function normally. i need time to let my eyes open, put in prescription drops, etc. and with little sleep my eyes kill me and make it hard for me to enjoy stuff. although i have managed to go on probably 4 retreats in the past couple years, because i am unable to stay up ALL night long like a lot of others on the retreats, i missed out on bonding and stuff. two of my best friends just got back from a camping retreat this weekend where they spent 3 busy days getting to know tons of people. they absolutely loved it. i wish sooo sooo much that i could handle stuff like that. i wanted to go sooo bad and wanted to get more involved with organizations, but there is no way my eyes can handle something like that. don't get me wrong, i do try to live my life to its fullest, but i also know my limits and know that there are some things my eyes absolutely cannot handle (i.e. camping for three days with no shower and little sleep in the texas heat). unfortunately, i feel like missing out on stuff like this leads me to miss out on become closer to those i have met in organizations and from forming new friendships. why are college retreats always overnight? who decided the rules to this stuff? blah.

[momaxwell]

I'm sorry.

I'm young too (28) but I was lucky and did not have symtoms in college (I went to school in Texas as well).

Dry eye sucks. Hopefully, you will be able to find some relief and enjoy college.

[Lucy]

Amy sorry you're feeling a bit sad at having to miss overnights etc! You're allowed to feel the way you do. Try to keep your eye on the big picture and think how important those things will be in 3 or 4 years when you are working and in the adult world. Few responsible people at that stage can continue to do "overnights" and still get up in the a.m. and be at work by 8 a.m. Maybe you'll be better by then. I hope so.

Another thing to keep in mind is that you are not the only person suffering with something. Others may, or may not, know your problems. Your suffering is bad nonetheless. YOU know how it feels and it isn't good. There are others, many others, in college who are diabetic and must have their blood tested 3 or 4 times every day with insulin shots as many times every day. Others may have hearing problems which are not usually noticible by observing the person. I didn't mean to do a "other people have stuff too" kind of post.

You have been extremely mature on the board with your situation and I'm sure you will continue to function at your highest. It won't be easy. It never is. I have no doubt that you'll be a success at your college career and afterwards in your chosen field. Unfortunately, having the dry eye problem has probably given you maturity above most students (or non-students) your age. Please stop by the board from time to time and let us know how you're doing.

Lucy

[Amy09]

you are right lucy. sometimes i forget that there are plenty of other people in this world with other problems keeping them from doing various things in life. i'm sure a person in a wheelchair or someone that is blind would not be able to do many things that i am able to, much less go on a retreat. thanks for the reminder, lucy! i was just feeling momentarily pissed last night, but i am feeling much better about things today.

[Lucy]

I knew you were having a "pissed-off moment." You have done incredibly well coping with this stuff and continuing your college career! Sometimes we do have to look at stuff differently for a few minutes to help us cope for the long run!

Lucy

[Mika]

elo amy..

i kno how u feel..... I am now 21 and still a sufferer. i'm goin to the uni Since the 1st yr at the uni, i started to be proactive, change my attitude, fight... and now in 2nd year, I have much respect from my friend, and created so many relationship....I fink that 1/2 of the people of the uni know me... BUT my mauritius uni is smaller than yours....

But all these people who know me, No one knows my problem.. They fink I am living in "paradise".. bcoz i do so much thing, acca + uni, +going to the gym, participating in class, talking wit lecturers, doing presentation infron of 200+students, bein like a class representative to the class and maybe amongs the tops 10 of my class students.... but they dont know how much i suffer... that for every 20 seconds they blink, I am blinking maybe 1 million times bcoz of so much dryness...

But sometimes, my eye are so dry and so red that some days went "silently" as posible. I mean, i use to talk much with lecturers, participate in many fings despite the problem, but sometimes or maybe more frequently than rarely, my eyes are so dry that I cannot just be myself..... i just want to be myself .. but I can't sometimes... .. and i fall again in my small prison where I suffer in silence both physically and emotionally...

I like to look into people eyes wen i speak, but wen my eyes are dry and red, i feel so ashamed.. i try to end the conversation quickly..

i know how u feel about... feeling like .... not enjoying ur life to the max.. we have only 1 life, and this is how we are... a enjoyer of life of suffering.. sh*t sh*t .. and sh*t to the power of 1 billion

Yesterday I played table-tenis after my gym and lectures, with an attractive girl, and we both enjoy ourself so much and laugh very much. But after i went to the shower and look at myself in the mirror, I was so frightened!...
hmm soooo discourage sometimes...i guess i must write her off of my list..

Sometimes I just feel ... there's a part of my life which is incomplete, wen i see all these youngs people going hand in hand together... and feel like maybe its not me... not us...
but i try not to fink of that, even thoug this come often...

I feel I am missing so much of life. its like I cannot do or enjoy 99% wat my friend can enjoy..

yeah for camping, me too i don't go bcoz of d.e..

1day i read something about a man who were an enthusiastic,active and happy man. but one day he had an accident and lose his two legs.... after 1 year, his friend met him and discover the same enthusiastic man as before.. they ask him how can he still be happy wen he lost his legs and cannot do many things he once enjoy...
he said "if I worry about the 1million things I lost or cannot do, I will not be able to do the 10million rest which wait for me"...

and moreover, I watched a movie previously, it is called "1litre of tears" try to download it.. its a Japanese serie with only 1 season!.... it is a TRUE story about a 16 years old girl who was so lively and happy but one day she got a incurable disease:

This drama is based on the real-life struggles of a 15-year-old girl named Aya who suffered from an incurable disease, but lived life to the fullest until her death at 25. The script is based on the diary Aya kept writing until she could no longer hold a pen. The book that later followed entitled "One Litre of Tears" has sold over 1.1 million copies in Japan alone. Aya Kitō proved her courage and positive attitude towards an uncertain future when suffering such an illness, spinocerebellar ataxia. The drama spans a decade, during which she graduates from school while her conditions worsen.

[Mika]

hope u have read all these longs writings i said..... i know that the longer my comments are, the more difficult it is too read bcoz of dryness....

hey one of my worry is about my future job... :S.. how can I be myself and be effective and efficient, in a job wher ther is air conditioner.... and stressful work condition, and overtime !!!

hmm.. so frightened sometiems... but fright is a natural process which can create courage infront of uncertainty.... i guess....

hey anybody here noticed this:
1- in SOME aircondition room, my eyes feel wet.... strange!!
2- wen its raining my eyes feel wet...
just too bad I cannot be like one of the girl in X-men, "TORNADE"... control the weather.. i would make it rain everyday... (btw I am a BOY ).
3-one day, there was a cyclone in mauritius, ... (cyclone= hurricane in U.S terms).. and for the 3 days, my eyes felt soooooo wet!!! incredible...!! fink i must go and live in indonesia!!
4-hmm somtimes i feel my mouth irritate and feel dry... strange.. hope it is not sjorgren

(btw if u noticed many gramatical errors, it's not bcoz of poor english but i am rather in a hurry to write - i have course to attend.... +a test is waiting for me..)

catch wit u later

[stephgurl1986]

Amy, I know what you mean. I'm also in college and it's quite hard not to be able to go to discos/clubs all the time. I always feel excluded in a way.
Anyway, I don't want to go into detail because I believe we both have the same problems concering social life and repeating them here does not help.
But what I wanted to tell you, be happy that you can do a lot of things. One month ago a boy who went to elementary school with me died and he hasn't been ill before, his heart just stopped beating - when I feel down I try to think of that and I am happy that I live (even with restrictions) because he doesn't anymore.