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  • very scared

    I'm sorry to have to share this but it is one of the only places I can. Yesterday I took an overdose of tablets I have been thinking of this for weeks and having major panic attacks day and night for weeks unable to sleep. I am on antidepressants diazepam etc all of which is drying out my eyes. no eye drop is giving me any relief and now the right hand side of my eye near my nose is really painful. I am so tuned into my eyes and symptoms I can think of anything else I am not working can't even take my little boy to school and now can't trust myself not to kill myself god this is terrifying.

  • #2
    Marianne ~ This is a bad time but it will pass. Sometimes we have to put our health and wellbeing first, for the sake of the children too. Here are some practicalities I can think of. Other people with experience might have more good ideas.

    Go to A&E Walk-In right now so the overdose can be sorted out. Can anyone go with you today? otherwise it's taxi or Ambulance or Paramedic assessment 999
    Phone your mental health contacts at the ward or clinic right now for advice and maybe go in for a break again.
    Speak to Samaritans for advice now.
    If you don't want Walk-In, phone 111 for medical advice about overdose - note exactly what you took so they can sort it.
    Find a kind neighbour, friend, family for support today. Do a 'business plan' of who your support network actually is. Hopefully we're on the list.
    Organise someone to look after your little boy for a few days, as they did before (or GP or health visitor can easily refer to Homestart agency, who are fab)

    Phone your Ophthalmologist's secretary direct on Monday for an emergency appointment. If he's not 'In' NHS or access is difficult, pay Private.

    Long term, you need a really supportive Ophthalmology unit with a cracking Cornea and External Disorder consultant and team. I would go to a regional hospital eg Birmingham Eye Hospital for the long haul, maybe access today through A&E.

    I think you know from evidence here that this eye trouble resolves in time at least to manageable with gentle treatments. If it's not happening fast, then there are slower supportive treatments including plasma serum and scleral lenses. But we need to be with top hospital eye units to access these good things.

    Sometimes we have to accept that we are all mutually dependent and let people help us out as we help them. Do you have any helpful family?
    Last edited by littlemermaid; 11-Nov-2013, 07:04.
    Paediatric ocular rosacea ~ primum non nocere


    • #3
      Marianne - Great advice from Littlemermaid. You really need some support right now and don't be afraid to lean on people while you are at this difficult stage.

      I'm in a great deal of pain nearly all the time now but I do as much as I can and accept there are some things I can't do right now. One thing that helps me is even if I'm feeling rubbish I put my moisture chamber sunglasses on and go out for a walk. My eyes trouble me wherever I am so I might as well go out and get some fresh air whilst protecting my eyes with the glasses.

      My family have been great but I've also confided in a few close friends who didn't realise how hard things were for me and so I hope you have people around who will help you out.

      Perhaps you need an assessment of the meds you are taking. I'm finally sleeping better after coming off sleep medication i'd been on for 9 months. Yes they do generally cause more dryness but at this stage in time it is something you can't just stop and you need sleep for your physical and emotional well being. I'm hoping you can come up with a plan with a counselor to reduce the meds (if possible) whilst having counseling. Good luck and send me a private message if you ever want someone to talk to.


      • #4
        lm and lizlou are giving great advice.
        I had suicidal thoughts but I never went through with it because I knew my family would never understand. I couldn't do it to them. Your little boy needs you. Fight for him. We are all here for you as well.
        In the mean time, when you can, you might just keep your eyes closed and rest them as much as you can. SAAG calls it babying your eyes.
        Breath deeply and slowly. Deeply and slowly. Deeply and slowly.
        And keep yourself distracted with TV or music whatever you like the most that makes you happy and laugh. The funnier the better.
        You will get much better and you must not lose hope. So many of us have come from the deepest depths and are now just climbing the mountain. It might be a long climb but it is worth it.


        • #5

          Please hang in there - as others on this site say things do get better. I thought they were just words and nothing would help me but eventually through peristence and with great sites like dry eye zone then things can get better - slowly. The advice from others on this site is fantastic and has been a great help to me.

          My wife Nadz has been immense in her love and support and she has posted helpful info to others on this site. Im post lasik and have been in intense corneal neuralgia pain for months with sleep deprivation, hardly able to use the computer etc but now and i have the first real improvement in a long time. I want to pass on any info i have found that has helped me.

          I note that you requested info on Uk specialist and Ive found Miss Rauz at the Birmingham Eye Hospital to be a real expert in dry eye and full of empathy -

          Slightly further afield than Birmingham I would strongly recommend Jorge Alio at the Vissum Institute in Alicante, Spain. He prescribed me with e-PRP autologous serum eye drops and ive been back 4 times to Alicante. Getting autologous serum in the UK through the blood service was delayed due to the long funding approval/rejection route even when we tried self funding so Alicante was the better option timewise and costwise (plus theres cheap flights from Brum straight to Alicante and its less chilly out there). I'm just finishing my 4th lot of e-PRP and i am so much more comfortable to the extent that that the next phase is to finish using the e-PRP while still being monitored.

          Lastly - Tonya was very helpful - but this is even further afield in America but maybe useful info for other people

          Take great care


          • #6
            Marianne, excellent advise given to you so far. Please take it all in and use it. I haven't read every line of every post to you but have skimmed through it and they are a wonderful group of people who know how you feel both emotionally and with the eye pain. They know what to do and how to advise you.

            We know little about you, is your dry eyes from LASIK, from medication? I can only go on the little amount of information you’ve given us. Firstly, suicide is NOT the answer because Marianne, THERE IS ALWAYS A SOLUTION TO EVERY PROBLEM. The ONLY problem here is that you don’t know the solution yet. But I GAURANTEE you’ll find it. Imagine if you succeeded in taking your life due to eye pain and “just around the corner” was the solution you’d been seeking? Or at least a way to obtain more comfort with your eyes, and astounding methods to relieve the depression and stress? Well, it’s not an imagination, it’s reality and they all exist.

            A lot can be done for eye pain, we have been there and in the last few years there has been an explosion of research into dry eyes and corneal neuralgia (if that’s your problem). New technology and treatments are coming out more so now than any other time in the past decade. Just 12 yrs ago you only had an option of 1 or 2 artificial tears for dry eyes at a pharmacy, now the shelves are STACKED with so many different products you won’t know where to begin. The choices are boundless. I advise not to simply walk into a pharmacy and ask for some quick advice by a pharmacist, do as others have advised and search for a top ophthalmologist and obtain a thorough diagnosis. He/she will recommend the best drops and course of treatment for you.

            A drawback is finding the correct ophthalmologist. Many don’t know a lot about dry eye whilst others specialize in it. You didn’t place your country on your profile. Are you in the USA? I could send you a private message and recommend a few of the top dry eye specialist, a few are pioneers in the field. I would hate for you to see some arrogant eye doctor not interested in your dry eye pain (because it’s not what they specialize in and cannot make as much money from it as they can from a cataract surgery, etc). They simply give you a quick slit lamp check up and suggest there’s nothing wrong, and send you out with some artificial tears, or may put some plugs in. Such a scenario is common, but also a disaster. We’ve seen these type of eye doctors and wouldn’t want you to re-invent the wheel. Allow us to lead you directly to the best in the world (if you are in the USA) so you get it right from the beginning. Obviously seeing the wrong eye doctor will drive your depression worse. We want you to get better and see the light at the end of the tunnel that is already there and waiting for you to claim it back.

            In terms of the anti-depressants and diazepam drying your eyes out, it depends on what type of anti-depressant you’re on. The old tricyclic anti-depressants can certainly dry your eyes out. However, the newer SSRI, SNRI, etc do not dry them out so much, although it’s debatable by some people. I’d stay clear of Mirtazapine, since it’s anti-histaminic mechanism can certainly dry the eyes. Diazepam, I’m sure would not dry your eyes. In fact, a thread was commenced on this forum about Diazepam actually “improving” someone’s eyes dramatically. She wanted to know if there were any biochemists on the forum whom knew the chemical structure of diazepam and how it helps with dry eyes. No-one had an answer, I may have replied. However, I do have my hypothesis, and I’ll explain it here in layman’s terms...

            Diazepam triggers the branch of your nervous system that stimulates tear production (along with saliva, digestion and urination). This specific branch of the nervous system is referred to as the parasympathetic nervous system and is dominant when you are relaxed. Diazepam is for the purpose of reducing stress, tension and anxiety...leading to it not? Thus if anything, it’s helping you rather than working against you. It depends on how many you’re taking. May-be if you’re contemplating suicide it’s not good to have a bottle of diazepam with you and resort to herbs instead.

            It seems you may have a type of obsessive depression. In that case anti-depressants that work on OCD are best suited such as Fluvoxamine or Paroxetine. Be mindful that Paroxetine can be very difficult to wean off once you begin it. However, you really need to see a psychiatrist and counsellor at this acute stage of your condition. Or maybe you already are? Speak your piece of mind and tell them it’s not working. Medication will be altered. You are not in a good way and need as much help as possible.

            Please let us know more, what country are you in? How did your dry eyes begin? How long have you had the problem? How are you feeling now? We care about you and want to help.

            Please go easy on yourself, take one step at a time, and you will grow and heal bit by bit. There maybe a few bumps along the way, just jump over them and keep going. Just don’t give up on yourself or on us...

            Looking forward to hearing from you Marianne.


            • #7

              I am so, so sorry things are so rough right now. Those scary times when everything has just spun out of control… would never wish it on anybody. I'm PM-ing you my cell phone. Call anytime if it would help just to have someone listen who understands.
              Rebecca Petris
              The Dry Eye Foundation


              • #8
                i haven't been an active participant in the forums for awhile until I read this thread. Marianne, I've come so close to where you are at so many times. My dry eye is Lasik induced and what has haunted me the most has been the fact that I did this to myself and did it willingly. To this day I have problems looking at myself in the mirror without feeling like throwing something at it. What has kept me going so far has been my wife and my new baby boy. I fight for them but more over I fight for the chance to get my life back. I think fear and anger as negative as they may seem are essential to us. It's the fuel that keeps me fighting and sometimes its what we need most.