BENEFITS of having dry eye

[odydnas]

This is great positive post! And I was just contemplating this exact thought the other day. Some are simply "learning experiences" (I wouldn't call some of these benefits) while others are actually benefits.
Here is what I've learned and benefited:

Contrary to weteyes, I've learned to tone down my compassion for others. All my life, I have been extremely giving and altruistic, and have been nicknamed "Mother Theresa". I was extremely empathetic to everyone, had an uncanny ability to put myself in other people's shoes no matter how silly their situation or complaint might be, and I always put myself last. So when I got dry eyes, I naively expected everyone to treat me the way I would have treated them, and when that didn't happen, I got extremely depressed . So I learned that I cannot count on everyone, a very important life lesson. From that, I also learned to stop putting everyone else's needs before mine, and to make myself a priority and be more selective when it comes to judging who really deserves my time, my patience, and my compassion. Don't get me wrong, I'm still me, just not so naive and stupid anymore.

I also learned to stop being a doormat who catered to everyone and to advocate for my own needs. Having dealt with so much insensitivity from others, I've developed much thicker skin, a trait that will serve me well for the rest of my life.

Dry eyes also really affected my relationships, most in a bad way, but really strengthened a few of them. I'm grateful to get the opportunity to find out who was a true friend and who wasn't and to prune away the "friends", while focusing my energy on those who truly cared about me. I've learned to develop a more selective criteria when it comes to who gets to be important in my life and also, the necessity of meaningful and fulfilling relationships.

Thanks to dry eye, I learned how absolutely amazing and special my boyfriend is and how lucky I am to have such a supportive person in my life. That is something I probably wouldn't have given much thought to in my pre-dry eye days because I just naively assumed that everyone would be understanding and supportive.

I always thought that if I didn't have some kind of prestigious, powerful, challenging, influential, rare one of a kind career like being a world famous doctor who wins a Nobel Prize or CEO of a Fortune 500 company, that I would be a huge failure and my life would be over and I would have nothing worth living for. Yup, I was a total overachieving type A personality. Well, guess what, my "worst nightmare" happened, and I'm still hanging in here. Sh*t happens, and life moves on, and I just have to learn to adapt.

And last but not least, dry eyes gave me the opportunity to connect with such wonderful people here on DEZ. I honestly don't know what I would do without this site, so thank you all!!!

[cristiandryeyes]

All my life I've been an impatient person. I always wanted to get things done as quickly as possible and if I couldn't...I would give up. Now, after enduring both physical and emotional pain for so long, I can proudly say I have become a more mature and patient person. Honestly, I didn't have much choice as I don't have the courage to end my life because of the consequences. I like to think this is only temporary even if I'm fooling myself...A quiet conscience makes one so serene!

[irish eyes]

Odydnas

Your comment about Mother Teresa really resonated with me! I don't regret the fact that as youngsters, we were brought up to practise doing `small things' that impacted positively on the lives of others. It's still something that I like to do.

Over the years, I know that it has led to exploitation by some. Always wishing to avoid the risk of confrontation or embarrassment, I would say `yes' and then regret it afterwards. (Blessed are the meek and all that). And yes, these `favours' were still expected despite the fact that I was spending a lot of time either ill in bed or at the Eye Department.

Even at work, I found myself volunteering for things that clearly were far too much for me - just to avoid accusations of wanting special treatment on account of my eyes.

Speaking for myself here; expecting compassion to be in line with human nature is unsound. Although the idea of `human nature' might imply an ideal, we know that it isn't the case. Human nature isn't fixed. Keeping a stoical attitude and pretending our pain doesn't exist is often what feeds other people's expectations that we can `keep it together' all of the time.

[wetEyes]

@ irish eyes

I didn't say one should pretend the discomfort or pain doesn't exist. But focusing on the pain makes one feel worse, just like focusing on other negative aspects of one's life makes one feel worse.

That's why I belief that focusing other thing than pain, positive things, is a helpful way to feel better. I regularly see the difference that makes: while my one grandmother enjoys life very much despite her pain, my other grandmother is regularly frustrated.

I don't think that it's easy, either. It takes time and, most importantly, training. Personally, I practice mindfulness to be able to cope better.

[irish eyes]

WetEyes

I know that you didn't say one should pretend that discomfort and pain do not exist.

However - many people find it difficult to discuss their pain with others. I prefer not to talk about my pain. If it's bad, it gets me down. If it's not too bad, that's a bonus.

The advantages of this `virtual community' is that people with similar concerns (from across the world) can discuss important issues facing them, and share experiences & ideas that might be difficult to discuss face to face.

I have had problems with my eyes for a couple of decades now and have tried several strategies for managing pain - some have work and some have not.

Have I been able to use my own experiences in a practical sense? Very much so. I work in a university and I'm currently supporting students with disabilities prepare for entry to employment. Together, we are working on the `positives'.

[stella]

"All things work together for the good of them that love God and are called according to His purpose" Thats a Bible promise that keeps me going -- I also pray for healing -my own, and people on this site - especially any really depressed
I go and have other people pray for me too
I also have bad pain in my back due to arthritis
My eyes are under control now Thank God!

I firmly believe that if you commit your pain to God through Jesus (who in the Bible never refused to heal anyone - and" He is the same yesterday today and forever" - Anyway I firmly believe He will heal me or if he does'nt He will give me the grace and power to cope with my pain, and that good will come out of it all in the end even if I dont understand why

When you are in the middle of something -- you dont have a proper perspective ,It's only in hindsight that you can see good that has happened even through tragedy
"Two men looked through prison bars -- one saw mud and the other one stars"
I want to look up and see the stars, and that is a choice

[FWM]

okey, jesus buda or any god, thanks for your teachings, can i have my life back now??

[Guest]

It's also funny, because you can see the glances people give you when they think you're not looking.

I know! lol

Several weeks ago when I was at the grocery store (and wearing my handy-dandy Wiley X sunglasses) I was oh-so-discreetly looking to see if anyone was looking at ME and my unusual goggles... well lo and behold, some dude is totally, blatantly, STARING at me... The guy had no shame... We were almost side by side in the grocery aisle... man...I mean you'd think he'd at least TRY not to look like he was staring at me...

Did he think I was blind and couldn't see him?? Personally, I don't think anyone could possibly think that I am wearing shades because i'm blind... I'm always shopping with my 2 kids... it's not like a blind person could go shopping with 2 kids that young... err... at least I don't think they could...

The good news is, I've discovered that gawkers are pretty rare... it seems that most people didn't even so much as glance in my direction when I would go shopping in my goggles... so that was kind of nice to see!

okey, jesus buda or any god, thanks for your teachings, can i have my life back now??

I'd like to trade in my lessons for my old life too!

[wetEyes]

Another benefit is that I realised

• just because somebody is an MD doesn't mean he knows **** about a disease that is part of his field

• that I have to challenge everything a "doctor" (or any other "specialist") says and does

• that the difference between a good doctor and and a bad "doctor" can be dramatic

• that I always have to ask myself: is he biased because of financial interests?

This insight will be valuable to me in the future.

[jlg_uk]

I know! lol

Several weeks ago when I was at the grocery store (and wearing my handy-dandy Wiley X sunglasses) I was oh-so-discreetly looking to see if anyone was looking at ME and my unusual goggles... well lo and behold, some dude is totally, blatantly, STARING at me... The guy had no shame... We were almost side by side in the grocery aisle... man...I mean you'd think he'd at least TRY not to look like he was staring at me...

Did he think I was blind and couldn't see him?? Personally, I don't think anyone could possibly think that I am wearing shades because i'm blind... I'm always shopping with my 2 kids... it's not like a blind person could go shopping with 2 kids that young... err... at least I don't think they could...

The good news is, I've discovered that gawkers are pretty rare... it seems that most people didn't even so much as glance in my direction when I would go shopping in my goggles... so that was kind of nice to see!

Yes you are right - I wear my Wiley's most of the time for the last 18 months and I think that I've only ever had negative comments from the public twice in that time. People don't really stare but I'm more than happy to look back at them if they do

These days you need for your head to be spinning 360 and be on fire for someone to notice.

[Guest]

These days you need for your head to be spinning 360 and be on fire for someone to notice.

So true! lol

[laurenjii]

love your outlook weteyes.

[laurenjii]

and BEAUTIFUL post, stella.

[FWM]

Boo I wish i could see the benefits like you guys. Sadly, to be honest it hasnt really made me a better person, every day I wish i could have just gotten a cold or something like that. My personality has changed so much, i am bitter, cynical, insecure, and i actually get annoyed when people/friends talk about all the good things happening in their lives. I even find myself wishing this had happened to an ex =/ haha, I know it sounds horrible. My parents are almost divorcing because of the tension and financial stress of my situation.

I also know it will help you find someone thats not shallow, or cares about your eye problems, but thats kinda the same argument if I had severe acne or something. But lets be honest with ourselves, it sucks and it makes life 100 times harder!

Agree.. we become cynical when we dont find our place in the world, and i think we havent found the place in the world..
at least i havent, good for the ones that can live with it.

about finding a partner, how can we blame the other person.. if we didnt have dry eyes, could we undestand this disease from our partner?
To be honest i would say "no".
Even our parents that that know us from our birth can't understand our feelings, how can a "new" person in our lives realise our pain?? .. our our our

[odydnas]

about finding a partner, how can we blame the other person.. if we didnt have dry eyes, could we undestand this disease from our partner?
To be honest i would say "no".
Even our parents that that know us from our birth can't understand our feelings, how can a "new" person in our lives realise our pain?? .. our our our

FWM, that is EXACTLY why I've become more cynical and bitter. I've always been the person that could empathize with anything and anyone and put myself in their shoes and do what I can to help another person. And silly me, I thought most people were good people and were capable of that. But the fact is, I learned that most cannot do it, cannot empathize the way I can. That is why I have become more cynical and bitter because I no longer believe in the general good of people anymore. BUT I am thankful that I learned this valuable lesson, and so that i won't continue to be taken advantage of and I won't end up trusting the wrong people and getting really burned.