My only support system, one friend is no more

[neve]

I have only one friend, my only supposed suport systeem. Tonite I decided to move out of state in oder to find a job, something that my recent residence in NY had none of. I I know this friend has a high level of resentment re this move as he was the one that iinitiatied move. However, he will not at all admit it, Keeps talking about what is best for me but his whole attitude is crystal clear, at least to me as we have known each other for over30 years. Hurts alot but I need to go where I may hopefully find a job. Here, there is zero.

Hurts so much when your only friend is not truthful. So nodIDD all things are for me to cope w/ totally alone., Any groups I can join/ Don/;'t have kids. Did cry alot tonite and gratefully there were some tears. So alone and so very afraid and sad. Off to bed now...double vision among lots of other horrors.

[PotatoCakes]

I know it's difficult but give him time. He may come around although not right away. In the meantime, you need to do what is best for you and that's finding a job, which in itself could lead to a larger support group and number of friends.

I don't know what your field of expertise is or what you are looking to do, specifically but this may help you if you haven't already decided where you are moving to:
http://www.bls.gov/web/laus/laumstrk.htm
It's the unemployment rates for the U.S. states. Close to you, New Hampshire has the lowest rates (there are states lower but they are further away).

I haven't checked it out but I noticed there is a Skype support group here. I think it would be worth it to check it out. You need to have people you can talk to. Also, have you checked with a local church (when you move, that's a good idea too)? There are a lot of churches/synagogues/etc out there, some more intense and some very casual, so even if you are not religious, you may be able to find one that works for you. A lot of ministers, rabbis, etc counsel people as part of their job and religious institutions also are a source of community. I'm not spiritual and don't go to church but even so, I really admire my husband's church person (I'm not sure what they call him, Father, maybe?) and I also really connected with the ideals of the Unitarian church so that's probably where I'd go. If you look, I know you can find a place for you.

[Mawsky]

I'm so sorry you are going through something like this, i believe that when you have any sort of health issues, our friends are even more important to us, as you said this person is you support. I'm sure if this person is truly your friend, they will eventually understand, it sounds like you are choosing this path for yourself based on immediate need, a true friend will understand, when you do leave and find employment, you will also find new people to develop relationship with, this is just natural, one question I have is you mention that this person is your only friend, are you their only friend too? If so I can see that there may be a bit of possessiveness here, just a thought, even those who love us can become resentful of the idea of anyone taking their place.

[neve]

Hi PotatoCakes - Thanks for your response. He is a friend for over 30 years, the best and most loyal friend I have ever had and there is virtually nothing that he would not do to help me. His resentment re me trying to relocate is getting to the point where he is understanding...hard to exist without the prospect of a job, even jobs that I never would have considered doing but still applied for and was turned down.

As far as churches/synagogues, I have not checked any out. Unless things have changed, synagogues charge you money to be a member. Churches I do not know but as I am Jewish, I am not interested in the entire religious aspect of something that I do not practice. As far as something non-religious in a church, that would be fine with me. I can check into these options but because I have no job and no health insurance, the $ , if necessary to join a church/synagogue group is very limited.

I am going to investigate a Unitarian Church and hope for the best. By the way, my field of expertise is animals...not an easy field to find work in definitely not in this neck of the woods, unless you are a veterinarian which I am not, tho I have alot of experience in different aspects of the animal field.

Thank you and hope to speak soon...

Neve.......PS -I am totally unfamiliar with Skype...

[neve]

Hi Mawsky! No, I am not his only friend.He is a very successful musician with lots of friends and associates. He has a family that I am friendly with, tho nowhere near as close as he and I have been for so many years. I am definitely his best and closest friend but he is my only friend because all my other friends walked out on me after I had to literally be rescued from a very violent marriage; I guess I just was not quite as much fun as I used to be after that. And just as an aside, this particular friend is the one that came and got me out, alone, knowing gunswere in the house and drove over 4 hours to bring me to safety.

We are ok now. He understands the lack of employment but he is very much not wanting me to move away. I guess you have to love someone that values you as much as that! All of this is coming at a time that I am getting a gut feeling that my landlord may be wanting me out due to an offer of more money. Can't swear to it yet but his attitude has changed so drastically that I am sure something is up. Of course my friend (and his family) will take me in, at least temporarily, but I can not have my dogs there and I will sooner live outside than give them up.

Your basic nightmare.