Post Lasik 21 yr old and struggling mentally..

[DryEyeNorthwest]

Hi all,

I have been lurking on here for quite awhile now but i'm getting to my wits end. I am a 21 year old guy who got Lasik surgery in June 2014 and all seemed to be well... until October 8th. i started experiencing a burning sensation and have been fighting it ever since. After 2 months i lost my job due to my performance. I had a 3 second evaporation time, its very hard to keep working like that. Anyways i've tried a ton of suggestions on here. My current regimen is 50% autologous serum drops 6 times a day, Restasis twice a day, 6 grams of fish oil, quad plugged (permanent bottoms and temp tops) and moisture chamber goggles as much as needed.

With ALL of this stuff and lots of rest (sleeping over 10 hours a night) and exercising i was able to manage my condition the last 2 months but i just started a new job this week and my eyes feel like they have been regressing again.. Mentally this has been a very exhausting situation for me.. I struggle with depression and anxiety already and this new problem has me feeling suicidal on a daily basis... i haven't made a plan and i haven't attempted anything but that is just how hard this is. I don't want to die, i just don't want to live like this.. I feel like my life and my plans have been turned upside down. I have an amazing and beautiful girlfriend who has been with me for 4 years and has stuck by my side through all of this but i know this is wearing her out like it is me. My parents have stopped saying they are confident its going to get better and have just been there to comfort me when i breakdown (which is often). I felt like getting a job would make me feel like im getting my life going again and moving towards getting engaged but it doesn't. I feel as hopeless as ever and im tired... so tired.

I didn't even need the surgery.. my prescription was not that bad i could see without my contacts in. I just had a plan of investing in Lasik to save money and then after that get married. I went in not knowing the risk i was putting myself in, everyone there was cheery to see me! They all had Lasik even the surgeon had Lasik and they all assured me i would love it! When it came to signing the waiver the lady at the front desk said "dont worry about all that scary stuff, we legally have to show you but it wont happen to you". I feel like such a fool for going for it, i asked 10 people i knew who had it and i loved it. My girlfriends parents were looking into it for her sister! Needless to say she isn't getting Lasik anymore. I'm sorry for rambling on but this surgery has caused more damage then anything ive ever experienced. I question everyday if i can make it and if i can still move forward with the plans i had. I love everyone in my life so much and it hurts me to want to end it all.. i guess i'm just looking for reassurance there seems to be a lot permanent Lasik sufferers on here and it really makes me sick to my stomach..

[LaDiva]

Hi DEN! Boy, do I understand how you feel. I had PRK and the bad stuff didn't happen until about two years after the surgery. I too had a tear breakup time of 3 seconds and felt like ending it all. It was awful. There are other people here who have been in the same shape. Please don't give up! It took me five years, but I am finally feeling better, and still figuring out the next step. Do you feel that you have a solid diagnosis? I have tear deficiency, MGD, ocular rosacea, and just recently the doctor decided I have corneal neuropathy. There are an endless list of things to try. Most people do improve, but it is very hard when you have hit the bottom. Sending you good wishes and positive thoughts. There are some very knowledgable people here who are wonderfully helpful.

[DryMichael]

Hi DEN. I understand you, I have similar feelings. Because I'm depressed because of my condition I've already lost my girlfriend and I might lose my job. I started to have problems with my sleep, I'm lucky if I sleep 5 hours a day. Sometimes I feel really bad and cry and have some suicidal thoughts but than I say to myself FU&K YOU! I won't give up. I will try another things to help me feel better and there WILL be something new in the future that will help us. I know it's hard but there is always hope. Maybe some aliens will come next year and they will bring us some awesome technologies, you never know :P

[Irina]

Hi DEN! I know how you feel. I had LASIK in June 2014 too. Try to live one day a time.Think "This is only Today". Pain is alive. If five months ago I felt that burning sensation as you feel , now I have mostly menthol sensation in my eye like it is raw. If two months ago I felt pain all around my eye and even my head hurt, now this pain almost gone. So, pain changes.That mean that one day pain will illuminate or die. I believe in it. I believe that our body regenerates. There are only spine nerves can't regrow, so nerves in our eyes will regrow someday because it's happens every time everywhere in our body.Our body is smart. It can't be the same for ever. For some reason people like us need more time to heel. You are young , so your body is strong. Everything will be OK. How long are you on restasis? Restasis helped me with burning sensation after 2 or 3 months. How long are you on serum dropt? I just started its a week ago, so I can't say if its helps. But I so hope! Honestly, I cry sometimes, and I think it's OK.Nobody can live in pain and be happy every day.And I wanted to die several months ago.I've never ever had any problems with my health! I was so scared. Now I have pretty good days when I feel pain , but it's not so cruel .However , there are bad days too,but I believe that tomorrow will be another good day.Also, the more you nervous, the more you pain. Try to relax.Meditation or yoga can help.

[RFREITAS]

Hello

Só... Sorry my poor english.

First i know how hard is to have a job with dry eyes. But don't left it stop you. You go and try... If you have to ajust... You will. Going to work always made me very anxious and sometimes it's hard to be there. I work with stock market and 8 hours with computer and a/c. But you know what? Last week i have been promotes.
Never i though that 3 years Ago.

Also if you are feeling anxious and depress... Why not go to a doctor. I was on medication for 3 years. I did what i had to. Now I am not step by step!

About your girlfriend... She is a keeper. And you are much more than your pain.

Also... You haven't reach one year mark. Só things will improve. But it takes time and patient. Don't stop what you are doing and be positive and strong. You will manage it.

Look for SAAG post. She is a inspiration. Look for inspiration...
Usually i do that. Like people with ELA they Manage to deal with it. Of course is different... But everything is... But there ways to deal with all of this. Is just not the pain... Is the ansiety... The depression... But there is só much more.
A
Só keep in mind that novel treatments are coming we need hope and Happy. We all do.

Be safe and take care!

[DryEyeNorthwest]

Thanks LaDiva, I don't have a solid diagnosis yet but i do have my second appointment with a doctor over at Oregon Health & Science University who put me on the autologous serum drops and hopefully he can help me get a solid diagnosis. I appreciate the response although i'm doing sooooo much better then i was when this all started, i'm just really scared of regressing or what the future holds. I am trying to hang in there!

[DryEyeNorthwest]

I like your attitude DryMichael! I try to have that attitude myself, I keep telling myself that suicide isn't an option and that i am stronger then this no matter how disappointing and debilitating it can be at times. Keep that spirit up, i know for me personally going to the gym daily has helped tremendously. I wear my moisture chamber goggles while I play raquet ball and nobody even notices. If we can't control our eyes right now, at least we can try to control everything else we can!

[DryEyeNorthwest]

I like that idea Irina. Live one day at a time. I think for a lot of people suffering post LASIK they are worried that they have ruined their lives and or at least their quality of life so its hard to take it one day at a time when your wondering if this is forever, or if you can work full time again or at all, if you can support a family or enjoy playing a video game or whatever, but i think taking it one day at a time helps keep perspective. I know at first i was counting down every month thinking that things would overnight go back to normal but now im starting to realize that ive noticed small improvements over time and that i need to let this run its course and hopefully keep progressing forward to a state where i'm not constantly thinking about it anymore. I am not afraid to cry anymore it's healthy to let the pressure out when you need too. I hope we all can get back to normal someday! Thanks for responding i sure needed it when i wrote it.

[DryEyeNorthwest]

Thank so much for the reply RFREITAS! My new job has actually been going great and i feel blessed for that. I was a computer drafter for 3 years before all of this but i was able to continue in the same field of work without being on a computer anymore! It make me happy to be working again. Your right we all just need to try, i have been so paralyzed by this stupid disease to get out there and try and now that i finally did i don't regret it at all. I am on anxiety medication which is helping the panic attacks and keeping me more leveled out. I agree that my girlfriend is a keeper I really have pushed myself harder then i ever thought i could just because i feel i owe that to her, to try my best because of our commitment to each other. So thank you for the encouraging words and inspiration with work and congratulations on the promotion!!! I am trying to be more positive and find joy in as much as possible but we all have bad days and weeks with dry eyes.. Fortunately i am having a good week right now.

[Merka]

https://justgetflux.com/ Try this for computer. It is eye friendly. I really get u. Few months ago I was ****ing sucicial becouse of my eyes. My shirmer test was 0 without plug, I thought I have to live like this, suffering from burning, redness and dryness, but it turned out that my tear quality is fine, so having lower and bottom plugs halp me really well. If you have few tears, but your tear quality is fine and if you don't mind overtearing u should try upper and lower plugs. Don't worry about your job or financial well being, do as it is better for your eyes. I took an academic year fom university and moved back in with my parents in order to get my eyes better and it has helped. Give your eyes time to recover, it is really important that you work in an enviorment that is good for eyes. And another thing that I have learned is that crying is really bad for your eyes. Every time I cry I wake up with dry eyes, but if I don't cry I wake up with quite normal eyes, maybe just a little bit dry. So try not to cry. I also read that you are on anxiety medicatins, so be sure that it is ringht medication for you. Many anxiety and depression medications cause dry eyes. So I want to give you some hope, I found sth for that works realli well, 4 plugs, right now I have no sympthoms, but mentally I quite can't get over the fact that I have dry eyes. It's just like mind****, but right now it is good. I know that most people would give everything they have and everything they ever will have, in order to get their eyes back.

[Irina]

Hi Merka,
Do you use any drops? It's so good that plugs help you!

[mattt]

Hello DryEyeNorthwest,

man I know how you feel. I was also suicidal. I also just wanted to sleep. The first months I didnt even want to wake up again. It was so unbelievable hard for me. Nobody could understand my whole situation. I lost everything. Most of my friends , my Job and nearly my family. It totally broke me apart.

The burning, the stinging, the sticky, dry, wound feeling of my eyes.24/7!!! It is there allways all the time!! In the morning it kills me every morning again. The countless difficulties in everydays life I had to face now. Working with computers, air conditioning, driving at night, doing anything that requires your eyes for a longer time then 5 minutes. It is so hard.

I have to deal with it since 2012. And it was also a pretty ****ed up situation that put me into this.

My Schirmers are <4 on both eyes. Im not sure about my Break Up Time.
Its hard but I put myself through it like you do now. Im not suicidal any more. Life is to worthy to throw it away like this.

regards and wishes,

mattt