Dry Eyes after Keratitis

[katy]

Hi,
this my my story that changed my life from one day to the other...

In May last year I got a Keratitis. I caused it by falling asleep with my contacts after crying the whole night, so that all my mascara and the false-lashes-glue (I put on false lashes that night) went under my contacts.
When I woke up I had severe pain. One day later (on Monday) I went to my eye doctor who told me I had a Keratitis and shouldn't wear contacts for 2 weeks. He didn't tell me how serious it was (I'm pretty sure he didn't even mention the name 'Keratitis), so I didn't take it that serious either.
He prescribed me cortisone drops and antibiotics.

I was the only time in my life I ever slept with my contacts. However I cried a lot due to my very bad relationship/exboyfriend, so that I constantly had mascara (and lashes-glue) under my eyes.
Back then I had vision defiency of -1.5 (short visioned) and during the day I usually didn't wear contacts, only at night time and went I went out or to the gym, I would put them in. But still every day. And I always wear the monthly colour lenses of Freshlook (Ciba Vision). Since 10 year.
But even though I sometimes had dry eyes when looking at the pc for hours and wearing contacts, I never had to use tear drops.
Altogether I was fine. I never ever wear glasses because I can't stand how horrible they look on me and they disturbed me in many other ways as way.
So I either didn't wear any vision correction or I used contacts.

Until May last year. After the Keratitis I got very dry eyes. I tried contacts again quite a few times (probably I wasn't patient & didn't wait long enough), but I couldn't stand the pain. Even though these few days the last year or let's say few hours were the only ones I felt alive since 1 year.
To sum it up: Since the day I messed up my eyes, my life has really changed.
I became a completly different person. A was a very outgoing woman before, loved to meet friends, do sports, go out, see movies, DVDs whatever.

Since the Keratitis not only my vision became much worse all of sudden (and still gets worse constantly and rapidly) but also do I feel like a prisoner in my own skin. I have constant pain, can't go anywhere where there's such the slightest smoke in the air, or dry/ warm air. It all hurts so much.
Even going to the gym which I enjoyed so much back then is sth I don't do any longer, instead I sit alone at home and eat. So picture how my looks changed as well.
The physical pain turned also into an emotional pain that I feel I can't bear any longer. Especially the fact that I know it's chronic and that it has gotten worse and worse since one year (instead of better) is ripping me apart inside.
No doctor seems to be able to help me, they always tell me I should come back when my dry eyes become better - without suggesting me a solution. Or they tell me I should finally accept that it doesn't get better. And I'm answering: The second I accept that, I'm dying inside.

I know you all have the same problem and you're dealing with it somehow.
But I feel like I can't anymore. I want my life back!!!!
I would give up everything for a cure of my eyes. Everything.

Since a little over a month I'm taking Restasis/Cyclosporine, but it doesn't seem to help either.

Yesterday I read some articles about ocular rosacea and I'm pretty that also applies to me since I've Rosacea on my face since quite a few years. But I didn't know that it can also affect your eyes.
Is there any cure for that (besides taking antibiotics for the rest of my life)?

Now I'm considering to get the plugs but I'm afraid I get an infection and then my tear 'canales' (?) are even wider (exuse the bad english, I'm not a native speaker) and thus the eyes are even dryer than before.

But I still have the hope that I might be able to wear contacts again after getting the plugs.
Is this realistic or pretty naive?

I'm sorry if I ask stupid question, I'm living in Germany and here 99% of the eye doctors don't really know anything about dry eyes. They don't even know what Cyclosporine is (they think it's a antibiotic, most of them never heard the name at all).

Talking about contacts...I tried the Oasys Contacts. I think they might be (one of?) the best when it comes to dry eyes, but I still can't wear then.

Do you have any better suggestions?
Or is it a absolute no-go to wear any kind of contacts?

Daily lenses seem to be much worse than monthly one for some reason...

This 'disease' caused a huge depression. I don't see the sense in life anymore, everything that was easy back them became painful and dragging.
I was such a fun young woman, with so much energy (that's how my environment described me back then) and I lost it all.
I'm thinking about taking anti-depressants, but that makes the whole matter worse because ADs make eyes even dryer.

Well, I'm thirty now and I feel like I'm 70. My life was over from one day to the other. I wish I would get a second chance. I wish I would get my healthy eyes back.
The thought that I would not have all these problems if I hadn't cried that much and hadn't slept with my contacts that night, is killing me.

The longer I have these problems and the worse they get, the less hope I have and the more I want to give up altogether.

[Rebecca Petris]

Katy,

I am so sorry to hear your story. As I think you have found from other stories here, the emotional impact of a bad period of dry eye, or of chronic dry eye, can be tremendous.

I want to urge you to seek medical attention for the impact this is having on your mental health as soon as possible if you have not already done so. As I am sure many others here will attest to, the mere possibility of slightly increased dry eye from antidepressants should not act as a deterrent if there is a real need for treatment for depression. There comes a point when the depression from dry eye becomes even more disabling than the dry eye and it is in my opinion very important to recognize that and seek treatment. It's very difficult to effectively seek treatment for something as challenging as dry eye, and make good decisions, when suffering from depression.

Believe me, things can and will get better for you. Please have a look through our "Dry Eye Triumphs" section to see the many examples of people here who have experienced this.

[liz56]

Hi, Katy.

Katy,

I'm so sorry to hear your story. You echo a lot of things that I felt when I first dealt with my dry-eye problem. Thanks to Rebecca and the people here, I have gotten good advice and am coping better now. It is a good idea to look at success stories.

Also, thank you for starting a topic on Keratitis. It is a condition about which I know little but one that I bet a lot of people reading would benefit from learning about.

Dr. Holly mentions a form of your problem in the following thread:

http://www.dryeyezone.com/talk/showthread.php?t=5066

You may want to ask him about treatment options for your eyes.

I gave up on contact lenses myself long before I really identified my dry-eye problem, but I workout with glasses. I also find them to be cumbersome, a drag, and not all that attractive. However, my corneas are my priority, so until I feel like that is under control, will likely give up on the thought of losing glasses all together. I like to feel that I can make a difference in the health of my eyes, and, even with the glasses, that is a good feeling.

Keep at it-- thinking about what you can do-- it helped me to feel better when I learned real steps that I could take to help my condition. So, I hope that you will continue to reach out for advice and to offer what you learn in your process.

Best wishes,
Liz

[shells]

Hi Katy,

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I agree with Rebecca that at this point it might be a good idea to see someone about the depression. When I first started having dry eye problems, it flipped my life upside down too. I suffered from severe depression and anxiety and life was really just day after day where I was just getting by. There wasn't much that made me happy. So many of us go through dark periods like this when we are first learning to deal with the disease. All I can say, is that you are going to feel better. Keep searching for a doctor who will listen to you (maybe someone on this forum could recommend someone?), and you will eventually find treatments that help. I think if you get help for the depression, that will help alot too.

Also, try to lose the guilt and not think back to why your dry eye started. My dry eye is from lasik surgery that I had when I was 25. It took me a long time, but since I've been able to forgive myself for that, things have gotten alot better emotionally. Many of us have been where you are, and we've all pulled through to the other side. I used to just "cope", but now I am living again (even with my eyes problems), and you will too. Try to hang in there, and get the help you need with your depression. You've found a great site, with caring people who are here to help you through this.

-Shells

[katy]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I really do appreciate your support.
I apologize that it took me awhile to reply but I'm just occasionally in this forum.

I'm currently using Restasis (since about 1 1/2 month) but it doesn't seem to help.
I feel it even got worse from using Restasis. My eyes are extremely red (full of red blood vessels) and itching.
I don't whether I should stop restasis or continue...
What do you recommend?

I also consider to get plugs. Which ones do you recommend or think are the best?
What about smart plugs?

It's weird I feel especially my right eye is extremely wet while my right nostril is 'running'..
Is there maybe a connection between these two things?

I'm very thankful for any advice.

And I'm so happy to be able to share my problems with you guys. You're such a great support!