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man oh man. i never ever knew that there were so many people around who've gotta deal with this stuff. really. i was shocked to find this site, and even more shocked to read some of the stuff in this forum, because it's so FAMILIAR. so familiar, and people have been trying to tell me for years that this whole eye thing is just me being overly sensitive.
i'm 19, from maine. and i've always had trouble with my eyes. my vision has always been perfect, 20/20. but one of my first memories ever is waking up to gritty eyes (i must've been four or five) and hoping there wasn't anything severely wrong with them. in kindergarten i got in trouble for putting chapstick all around my eyes. chapstick! it's sort of hilarious to think of that now, knowing that i must've been dealing with this same ol' **** even when i was that small.
i was a rough little country kid, always outside in the mud, catching frogs and running barefoot through the woods. and my eyes didn't get bad enough to stop me from doing that stuff until i was in 8th grade or so. and from there it just got worse.
on my very first day of high school, i woke up with a broken blood vessel in my eye. way to start a new life-chapter, right? high school was hell. not just because of the eyes, but they did play a big part in it. the whole high school thing just didn't really work for me. i kept to myself and didn't go to classes much, dealt with severe depression and anxiety that wouldn't quit. missed most of my sophomore year, stayed home sleeping and writing nonstop (creative writing was the one class i wasn't happy about missing). i used eye drops all the time, and although they didn't seem to do all that much, i had to have them right on me wherever i was, or i'd panic. my eyes got bloodshot when i was nervous, when i was out in the wind, when the lights were too bright, when it was cold out. sometimes it hurt just trying to keep them open. i couldn't look up at the chalkboard for long, i couldn't focus on anything.
i ended up self-schooling/home-schooling throughout my junior year, and graduated early. not with flying colors or anything, i hardly made it. but i was out once and for all.
things got better. everything got better, except for my eyes. i felt good emotionally, physically. started feeling comfortable in my own skin again.
wore sunglasses outside, inside when i had to. goggles when i really had to (goddamn, talk about embarrassing, though, seriously).
in the past couple years, i've been traveling. i've driven around the country a couple times (with family, with friends, but mostly by myself), living out of my car and tenting around for months at a time. painting on the way, selling paintings in the bigger cities, and sometimes working for a few days at farms along the way (when i was in utah last summer, i spent a week picking raspberries for this sweet family i met.. it was beautiful. and delicious, too. raspberries with breakfast lunch & supper). spent a month in new orleans, a month in the southwest, another month driving back to maine.
my eyes were always a hindrance, of course, and limited lots of the things i could comfortably do, but i managed pretty well.
right now i'm back here in maine, glorious old winter-cold maine. and i don't know if it's the cold & wind & dryness of maine winter or not, but i've been having a really rough time with my eyes.
i have been looking for a job, and it's incredible how tough this makes it. squinting through interviews, eyes stinging and watering, trying desperately to appear respectable and not have to close them or rub them with my fingers. i don't know if other people experience this or not. i don't think i've read anything about it. but. when my eyes start acting up, i get veryvery dizzy and disoriented, get awful headaches, and it makes it hard for me to concentrate and fully comprehend everything someone is asking me during interviews. and, of course. even if i nail the interview, the job poses the same problem. and it's just SO frustrating. i'm not even sure what to do about it, really. it's really starting to worry me. i mean, what if i actually can't WORK with my eyes like this? what happens then?
(i paint on the side, and lately i have been looking into getting my art displayed in some galleries & shops. this is exciting, and i really hope it works out.)
i was prescribed restasis a couple weeks ago, and have been taking it religiously since then. it seems to be making my eyes worse right now, strangely enough. but i'm hoping that'll wear off and the stuff will eventually help me out.
in the meantime, i am so glad that i found this website. i look for to talking with all of you, and wish you the best of luck with this.
- caroline
i'm 19, from maine. and i've always had trouble with my eyes. my vision has always been perfect, 20/20. but one of my first memories ever is waking up to gritty eyes (i must've been four or five) and hoping there wasn't anything severely wrong with them. in kindergarten i got in trouble for putting chapstick all around my eyes. chapstick! it's sort of hilarious to think of that now, knowing that i must've been dealing with this same ol' **** even when i was that small.
i was a rough little country kid, always outside in the mud, catching frogs and running barefoot through the woods. and my eyes didn't get bad enough to stop me from doing that stuff until i was in 8th grade or so. and from there it just got worse.
on my very first day of high school, i woke up with a broken blood vessel in my eye. way to start a new life-chapter, right? high school was hell. not just because of the eyes, but they did play a big part in it. the whole high school thing just didn't really work for me. i kept to myself and didn't go to classes much, dealt with severe depression and anxiety that wouldn't quit. missed most of my sophomore year, stayed home sleeping and writing nonstop (creative writing was the one class i wasn't happy about missing). i used eye drops all the time, and although they didn't seem to do all that much, i had to have them right on me wherever i was, or i'd panic. my eyes got bloodshot when i was nervous, when i was out in the wind, when the lights were too bright, when it was cold out. sometimes it hurt just trying to keep them open. i couldn't look up at the chalkboard for long, i couldn't focus on anything.
i ended up self-schooling/home-schooling throughout my junior year, and graduated early. not with flying colors or anything, i hardly made it. but i was out once and for all.
things got better. everything got better, except for my eyes. i felt good emotionally, physically. started feeling comfortable in my own skin again.
wore sunglasses outside, inside when i had to. goggles when i really had to (goddamn, talk about embarrassing, though, seriously).
in the past couple years, i've been traveling. i've driven around the country a couple times (with family, with friends, but mostly by myself), living out of my car and tenting around for months at a time. painting on the way, selling paintings in the bigger cities, and sometimes working for a few days at farms along the way (when i was in utah last summer, i spent a week picking raspberries for this sweet family i met.. it was beautiful. and delicious, too. raspberries with breakfast lunch & supper). spent a month in new orleans, a month in the southwest, another month driving back to maine.
my eyes were always a hindrance, of course, and limited lots of the things i could comfortably do, but i managed pretty well.
right now i'm back here in maine, glorious old winter-cold maine. and i don't know if it's the cold & wind & dryness of maine winter or not, but i've been having a really rough time with my eyes.
i have been looking for a job, and it's incredible how tough this makes it. squinting through interviews, eyes stinging and watering, trying desperately to appear respectable and not have to close them or rub them with my fingers. i don't know if other people experience this or not. i don't think i've read anything about it. but. when my eyes start acting up, i get veryvery dizzy and disoriented, get awful headaches, and it makes it hard for me to concentrate and fully comprehend everything someone is asking me during interviews. and, of course. even if i nail the interview, the job poses the same problem. and it's just SO frustrating. i'm not even sure what to do about it, really. it's really starting to worry me. i mean, what if i actually can't WORK with my eyes like this? what happens then?
(i paint on the side, and lately i have been looking into getting my art displayed in some galleries & shops. this is exciting, and i really hope it works out.)
i was prescribed restasis a couple weeks ago, and have been taking it religiously since then. it seems to be making my eyes worse right now, strangely enough. but i'm hoping that'll wear off and the stuff will eventually help me out.
in the meantime, i am so glad that i found this website. i look for to talking with all of you, and wish you the best of luck with this.
- caroline
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