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**Rebecca Petris** · 23-Sep-2009, 05:20

I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I know that a great many people here can relate - people who have been in that dark place and come out the other side. And there are probably others reading who are in that place right now.

First and foremost, PLEASE CALL A SUICIDE HOTLINE. I found this number +47 815 33 300 and more at this website. They won't understand dry eye or red eyes but they WILL understand the place it's brought you to. It is critical to get professional help in this situation. You seem to have pretty good insight about what's happening to you: Depression is worse and more serious than any eye maladies. Eye problems won't kill you (no matter how unbearable it may seem) but depression can.

We love you and want you to hang in there to fight another day. In these circumstances I always feel that no matter how bad the eye troubles, the depression has to come first in the treatment priorities because until that is successfully brought under control, it will not be possible to fully benefit from any dry eye treatments for many reasons.

If I can help, call my cell, 001 813 323 1186. But first and foremost get to the experts and get there fast when you feel suicidal.

p.s. I am so glad you felt you could post this here. We want to be a support to you. Not always possible to find the best or most appropriate way to do so but we'll sure try.

**VirginiaDryEye** · 23-Sep-2009, 05:40

Hang in there

I got DES beginning last Nov. It was a very dark place for months; by far the worst of my life. Life has improved...not to where it was. But I don't think about DES nearly as often.

Follow Rebecca's advice.

I'm thinking about you. Hang in there.

Dave

**Toril** · 23-Sep-2009, 06:04

Redandsensitive,

...a message on facebook for you!!

Toril

**jlg_uk** · 23-Sep-2009, 06:45

I can certainly empathize with your situation. Most of the population have no idea how big an impact DES has on sufferers, and how much it changes your life and puts more obstacles in your way.

Most people who think they want to die don't actually want to die, but rather are desperate for a way out of their suffering. If you are in a place where you don't feel calm and rational, feel that you can't cope with life, and might act impulsively, you have a clear duty to yourself to ask for help. It doesn't take away your options, and you don't have anything to lose by trying.

I'll tell you want you don't want to hear - there very well may not be a magic answer for your eye problems (there isn't for mine) at least not in the short term. Dr L in New York is likely a good Dr, but he doesn't have a magic wand whether you have the money for the trip or not. But over time you can learn to reduce and manage your symptoms and adapt your lifestyle to minimize the impact of DES. And you say you've only just started some treatments, so you might want to think about readjusting your expectations here - this could take some time for things to improve. But you only need to take things one day at a time when life is hard. You can handle more than you think you can right now.

Good luck.

**Sammy B.** · 23-Sep-2009, 07:04

RedandSensitive,

You must seek out the help of a doctor or mental health professional. There is nothing wrong about doing so and it must not be viewed as a failure. When I was nearing rock bottom, it was simply the guidance of a general practitioner who enabled me to see that there was hope. Do you at the very least have a family doctor you could contact? Rebecca is right - your dry eye symptoms will NOT get better until you are better mentally. Start with your mind first.

There are things in this life that are beyond our control. Right now, for you, that is your eyes. But I think all of us on this board can assure you that IT WILL GET BETTER, you just have to find a regimen that works for you. BE DILIGENT and you will find your way.

I would like for you to take a moment to look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, "I AM the same person I was before dry eye kicked in." YOU ARE THAT SAME, CONFIDENT, HAPPY PERSON. Somehow your line has become blurred.

Something that happens to all of us in this journey is that we feel that we are lost, we are not the same person anymore. BUT WE ARE and we must not forget that.

Respond to us and let us know that you are OK.

- Rose

**sandra lee** · 23-Sep-2009, 08:10

I was where you are about 6 months ago and please believe me it does get BETTER!!!!!The soaks used to seem to irritate me at first also but then i just went to very warm (not hot) and now I am soaking 3 times a day and just lightly scrubbing my lids after each soak.No soaps.etc. just the very warm water.I also take my forefinger and massage lightly going upward under the lower lid and downward on the upper lid as a Dr. in Boston advised.I also use Refresh Plus lubricating eye drops 5 or more times a day.Drink plenty of water.I am slowly making progress,I also am on a regiman of supplements that seem to have helped tremendously so that I can get out of the house and function daily.Please hang in there and don't give up.I'm sure you have read on here that it takes time and I know the depression is horrible but find a friend on this site that you can share your feelings with.I did.Her name is Sally and she has been a lifesaver for me as I do not discuss my symptoms with friends and family.You will be in my thoughts .Good Luck Sandra Lee

**liz56** · 23-Sep-2009, 14:35

Redandsensitive,

All of the advice above is good. I'm just adding my voice to a chorus of support for you. I have been there, too, and we do find ways to manage, and when we cannot, we then find ways to cope. Coming to the community for support has always helped me.

I wish you well.

--Liz

**msienkiewicz** · 23-Sep-2009, 15:46

Liz - I couldn't have said it better.

Praying for you Red and Sensitive,
Melissa

**howdryiam** · 23-Sep-2009, 15:50

Hello

I can truly relate man - I had red dry eyes in high school - I went from a jock to being called veg - because I would walk around with my head down not looking at anyone -

There is hope out there - your location is tough - Perhaps some of us could donate so of our own money to help you get to the us.....

Just a thought

**redandsensitive** · 23-Sep-2009, 21:55

Thank you all for youre support, I really appreciate it! When reading youre comments, I felt like a warm breeze of light coming towards me

I called the suicide hotline, and they got me calm again. After that I went for a long drive, and thought about my life, and tried to focus on the last positive things in my life, and of course youre support.

I'm going to call Torill later today or tomorrow, if she's free. (she's from Norway)

I was scared, and I am still scared, because I know I'm capable of killing myself. I think reading youre comments got me on right track again.

"howdryiam" Thank you for youre thought, I must say, that would help me tremendously. Going to New York to see Dr. Latkany is my only true hope now. I'm doing all the things I'm suposed to do when a person gets dry eyes, but an eye exam from Dr. Latkany could get me on the right track, since I don't really know what to do, because I don't know the reason of my dry eyes.

So, I'm OK

I'm going to get help for my mentally condition, I've waited long enough!! I just hope I'll get there in time..

**irish eyes** · 23-Sep-2009, 23:36

Here's a little more light breezing towards you.

Virtual hugs across from the UK.

**Guest** · 24-Sep-2009, 09:29

Hang in there! And try your best to hang on to the things that still give you pleasure... the dry eye really limits a lot of what we can do, but we CAN still do SOME stuff we like!... so focus on that to get you through these tough times!

You're stronger than you know!

Sending hugs your way!

**sandra lee** · 24-Sep-2009, 13:52

Dear redandsensitive

Keep up the good work and always know there are people here that do care and are willing to help.You have made a GIANT step by sharing your thoughts and feelings and I am so happy to hear you are getting help.Keep up the good work and keep researching treatment options.Something will work for you.Sending more warm breezes your way!!!!!!!!

**Rebecca Petris** · 24-Sep-2009, 15:59

Doing all the sensible things you just did when you're in crisis is about as easy as pushing water uphill. Congratulations. I was so happy to read your last post. Keep us posted and let us know any way we can help.

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