Dry Eye and Depression

[Amy09]

Just curious, but did anyone on this site suffer bad depression when they first started having dry eye problems? I know when I first started having bad problems w/ dry eye I was really really depressed for probably almost a year and was just seeing if there were others with similar experiences. You hear about people w/ serious illnesses going through depression, but it almost seems silly that a little thing like dry eyes could have such a negative impact on someones emotions. I'd be interested in hearing some responses.

[kitty]

I have been diagnosed with DES for just under four months. I get really depressed when my eyes are really bad. At times I wish I would no longer have to particpate in this malady. I get tired of drops and supplements, and trips to the doctor and still no relief. I hate not being able to wear contacts. I hate it when I can't play on the puter and go out to dinner with friends because my eyes are on fire. Sure, I get depressed, especially when I remind myself that there is no cure for this and it probably will only get worse. I get the most depressed when I so need support and a kind word from my friends, and they just can't begin to comprehend. Then I look at people much worse off than I and feel guilty for feeling so sorry for myself. I think most people in chronic pain go through an adustment period after they are first diagnosed, then go through periods of depression as their disease process progresses or flares.

[shells]

Hi Amy,

Depression and anxiety have definitely been a battle for me since my dry eye started 10 months ago. My depression is better when my eyes are better though. On a good eye day, I'm certainly not as care free as I used to be, but I feel like life is worth living and am confident that I can get through this and still enjoy life...on a bad eye day though, I feel pretty hopeless. So, my mood fluctuates with my eyes. I know that some of the depression comes from the eye pain, and the way it has altered my life, but for me a big part of it is also that I did this to myself. I know I shouldn't blame myself for this, and I'm very slowly accepting it, but when my eyes are hurting it is so easy to just close them and think about how much easier and happier life would be if I just wouldn't have done it. From your post, it sounds like you've won the battle with depression and are dealing with your eye problems better? I really hope that is the case for you, and that all of us get there some day! This site, and the wonderful people on it, have been a comfort to me during my roughtest times, so thanks to all of you.

-Shells

[Samantha]

I have Lasik induced dry eye. So for me, I have tremendous amount of guilt in addition to depression and anxiety. I went from about -2 to +1, so glasses are still needed. I can deal with wearing glasses since I have beening doing that for a long time, but I have a hard time accepting the lousy corrected vision and constant discomfort of dry eye. I have blurred vision and loss of contrast. I wonder if anyone here also have similar vision problems caused by dry eyes. I feel really down and sometime scared that my dry eye will never get better and my vision will deteriorate. I know it sounds silly, but sometimes I'm afraid that I will become blind. I' m working on acceptance. I dont have depression any more, but I'm just not the same person I was with all the worries and concerns with my eyes.

[Missy]

I also have lasik induced dry eye and deal with some of those same fears. I worry about the future more than anything else, especially when my eyes are really bothering me. I am dealing with my anxiety a little better now than I was at first. It really helps to talk to others in the same situation.

Missy

[Chris]

I've had lasik-induced dry eye for over 4 years now. When I was first diagnosed and starting researching dry eye I had a panic attack and went into depression for quite some time. I still have the bad days like everyone else.

I also have great fear about my right eye because I have unexplainable pain in that eye caused by blinking. As the day goes on the pain gets worse and worse. The only reason I can deal with it is because I am double-plugged in that eye and have excess tears. My fear is that my eyes will get even drier and I have no options for that eye. I've actually considered putting gel in, taping it shut and wearing a patch.

I also deal with Chronic myofascial pain, so I've had some facial pain on the right side of my face bacause of all the problems.

It's hard not to feel guilty about having lasik. I always knew something was wrong with my right eye and didn't plan on having that one done. But, sort of at the last minute, I decided to go ahead.

And, because I have young kids and only 41, the guilt is always there. In fact, I can't even write this without crying.

My life has totally changed. I was an A personality and now there are many times I don't want to leave my house. I have to take lesser jobs without so much responsibility and can only work mornings because I need to rest my eyes in the afternoon.

I'm glad I live in the age of the internet because this dry eye website is great. I thank everyone involved.

Sorry to go on so much, but I had a bad eye day yesterday and I needed to vent.

Dry eye sucks!

Chris

[SusieD]

I can also relate to all that has been said here. I am still relatively new to dry eye (compared to some) and I too worry very much about my future. To be still in my twenties and dealing with this, I cant help thinking what will I be like when Im in my forties.

I know the worry/anxiety doesnt help, but it really is hard not too. I do agree about the fluctuations - when my eyes are not feeling too bad, I start to hope that things can improve but then you have a real cow of a day and you just despair.

Of course there are people in much worse situations and that will always be the case. However I dont think the impact of this problem should be underestimated - and it is. The impact its had on my life has been huge, all the things I used to do and enjoy before - I struggle with now, my job, study, social life. The worst thing, as kitty said, is that the people around you just cannot get their heads around it and dont understand about the discomfort and why would they?

I also still feel guilt sometimes too but I think Im getting better with that because I realise that beating myself up will only make me feel worse - there are no positives to it. I replaced one problem with another, and I do feel bitter at times but what can you do?

[charon8]

re dry eye and depression

Hey...everybody.
I read all of the above posts and wanted to cry for all of you and because I can so very much relate. My dry eye is due to an unusually aggressive effect of Sjogren's and a very rare side effect of radiation therapy, which apparently seems permanent. Although I did not have lasik, I still feel guilty that I somehow did this to myself, like, was there something in my lifestyle that I could have changed but didn't and so consequently this happened.

I have to wear the Boston Scleral Lens, which has been a Godsend, but not a perfect answer.

I battle depression sometimes on a daily basis, because the pain is almost always there, the parts of the eye that are not covered are very sensitive. On bad days I ask myself, why did I survive all of the stuff only to be saddled with this? What was the point, in the great scheme of life?

When I have even an hour without pain, I am so happy, it's like a high, but it never lasts, and it's like the other shoe waiting to fall.

Especially now, when everything is so beautiful outside...I used to love gardening and having all my windows open with the wind blowing in and hearing the birds singing. Now, my windows stay closed most of the time to avoid the dry air and breezees. I wear goggles when outside, and in air conditioning, but they only afford so much protection.

Because I couldn't run my business when my eyes became so dry, my group health insurance provider is trying to cancel my policy, even though I am paying them a ridiculously high rate, on time, every month. If they do, I won't have a very good chance of finding another insurer.

So...yeah...I often get depressed and wish I could wish myself off the face of the earth. But I focus on the times, even for a moment, when things are not so bad. The future is scary, I don't know what it holds. But I hold on to my faith, because somehow it gets me through. We are sisters, and we shall prevail, no matter what.

God Bless all of you !
Charon

[fernellen]

I'm there also

I, too, stay depressed. I am seven months into dry eye (only one-the one that had the surgery) and poor vision between the contact in the other eye that goes in and out of focus. I have just told my friends I need to slow down and not do committee work. I can still work on my own, write lesson plans and teach/tutor, but I am so off my game.

It's scary. I'm 55. I don't know how much longer I will be able to work. When will the cloassroom become too dry? When will the stress take over?

The gym has been a life saver. There is a pool at the gym so the building stays fairly humid. There is a computer lab. You guys have been a godsend.

I am still trying to find out what part of the cataract surgery by the other surgeon went bust. If my new eye doctor knows, he won't say. Honor among surgeons.

This is a good thread.

[charon8]

Fernellen,

I'm 55 too...

[Samantha]

To Chris

I too have young kids, 3 years old and 8 months old. Sometimes I think, if this has to happen I wish it happens in my 50s when my kids are grown. I'm saddens me that this happened when my kids need me most and I'm only 33.

[Lucy]

Very interesting thread.

Good discussion, folks. I'm 6 1/2 years post op lasik-induced dry eyes. I also had cataract surgery 1 1/2 years ago on my worst eye. (It turned out not well, vision off 4 diopters and set the pain to the top of the scale again.) I'm more Fernellen's age than Chris and the ladies in their 20's and 30's. Those patients with young children have it tough as I can only imagine the feeling of a tug and a tot saying "Mom, will you get me some cereal." You don't want to think, hear, or see cereal (or anything else.) But you must tend to the kids if you're the only one available at the time.

On the other end of the spectrum is wondering how long you can keep your eployment with the eyes of fire. When you're of mature age, you know your future is close and anything threatening is not "someday" but right now. Not old enough for social security, but perhaps in your 50's and everybody knows jobs are not exactly jumping out of the closet for the more mature folks. I know it's like that for younger, too, but as you age, it's even more prevalent.

Fernellen says:

It's scary. I'm 55. I don't know how much longer I will be able to work. When will the cloassroom become too dry? When will the stress take over?
The gym has been a life saver. There is a pool at the gym so the building stays fairly humid. There is a computer lab. You guys have been a godsend.

Good point about the gym, Fernellen, and the pool. Water-aerobics is my fave and the air is super moist. I've always tried to do some kind of exercise, even if only regularly walking.

Susie says:

I can also relate to all that has been said here. I am still relatively new to dry eye (compared to some) and I too worry very much about my future. To be still in my twenties and dealing with this, I cant help thinking what will I be like when Im in my forties.

Susie, if you still have this while you're in your 40's, I can almost guarantee you will be dealing with some other ailment by then. It may be an arthritic knee or shoulder, but it will happen. When you get another "ache" it sort of spreads your "pain" around. Hopefully, you won't have DES when you get to your 40's.

Chris says:

I'm glad I live in the age of the internet because this dry eye website is great. I thank everyone involved.

Me, too, Chris. I can't imagine going through this without any knowledge beyond my own doc(s) and information from other sources (mostly patients). Validation helps, and even moreso, I feel everything I've learned is something from another patient. We do have our good docs whom are very understanding and trustworthy, and they are worth a lot, too.

I've personally known Chris for 4 years. We met via the internet, but she was raised very close to where I live. Her parents still live here. Chris' husband went to the same school as my daughter, although not at the same time. Chris has matured a lot in the 4 years I've known her. Somehow as we endure this stuff, over time, we seem to be able to manage better. Or perhaps we just realize that we are not gonna die from it. It might feel like that at times!

Samantha says:

I have Lasik induced dry eye. So for me, I have tremendous amount of guilt in addition to depression and anxiety. I went from about -2 to +1, so glasses are still needed. I can deal with wearing glasses since I have beening doing that for a long time, but I have a hard time accepting the lousy corrected vision and constant discomfort of dry eye. I have blurred vision and loss of contrast. I wonder if anyone here also have similar vision problems caused by dry eyes. I feel really down and sometime scared that my dry eye will never get better and my vision will deteriorate. I know it sounds silly, but sometimes I'm afraid that I will become blind.

Samantha, yes, I have lasik induced dry eye and also vision that just never has that wonderful outcome. Blurred vision. lost of contrast, etc. I sometimes think fear and guilt have been the worst for some people. Let me say that I feel no lasik/refractive person should feel guilt for having the procedure done. That's one thing I didn't "get." It doesn't sound silly that you're afraid you'll become blind, but I very much doubt it will happen.

And, to Shelley--you've done so very well at working on the mastering of our problems. When we talk privately, I feel like I'm talking to a younger version of me. We've seen you go from a very frightened 26 year old who didn't understand what was happening to her to someone who is learning to deal.

To Fernellen: I'm dealing with the aftermath of cataract surgey post-lasik too.

To Charon: I also have the Boston Scleral Lens.

Thanks to all for putting it here, in words with which we can all relate! We all hurt the same whether we're 26, 41, or 55. We may worry about different things, but mostly about what the future holds and whether we can keep on working. One foot in front of the other..........when you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot..........write to a dry eye buddy.............. To all, a good eye day tomorrow.
Lucy

[20/20_Hindsight]

I, too, have severe dry eye from Lasik surgery, plus a whole mess of vision problems from it as well. I went through some times of severe depression, but more than that, anger, because someone was in too much of a rush or too concerned about money to think of the impact Lasik surgery would have on me, not ever being a good candidate to begin with, and making mistakes during the surgery as well.

It will be 6 years for me in the early fall, and my dry eye has actually gotten worse in time. It ended my career as I cannot work in an airconditioned building. Even with goggles on it is too much. I've had corneal erosions while trying to work in an office. I have been scraping by on minimum wage jobs and life is certainly not the same and never will be. Sometimes I feel like I can't go on anymore from the eye pain, and I have other health problems as well. Worst for me sometimes is when I hear of others interviewing for a job they are excited about. I should be happy for that person, but my resentment is always there, and the hatred towards my surgeon for changing my life forever in a way I didn't want. The depression has lessened over the years, but will always be there to a certain degree. I have only been able to accept my lot to a certain degree and just can't get any further. I am bitter and angry most of the time. Tired of not making enough money now to pay bills, living on a shoestring, constant eye pain and sucky vision, grieving the loss of my job I loved, and to all the activities that I will never do again.
Sorry I rambled.... once you open the floodgates, look out.....

[Amy09]

I think with time you sllllooowwwwllyyy get more accepting to dry eye although never completely. Although I still get very upset thinking about college stuff I'm missing out on, wondering if I'll ever find a "significant other" like this, and wondering if I'll be able to even start a career one day, I try my hardest not to tell myself not to dwell on all the worrying. Like Susie said, it is scary to think how bad things will get 20 years from now, but then again, I have hope that something will be found to REALLY help dry eye sufferers before then.

I think that most of all though, like Chris said, this site has really helped me during my bad days. It was soooo incredibly frustrating for me before I had this site because I didn't know of ANYONE with dry eye problems, no one that had it from old age, lasik, or much less anyone my age having problems. This site shows you that there are others going through the same frustrating and painful stuff. back to the whole reason why i brought up this topic in the first place, when i first started having problems i was so depressed and had no one to talk to who understood. not even my parents understood. but on this site I'm able to see that I'm not the only one who has experienced this crap and can get support here as well as try to give it. as much as i would love all of us not to have dry eye at all, its good to see your not alone. i also always try to focus on the fact that God has a reason for everything, that he doesn't give us more than we can handle, and that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

[Jessica Adams]

Drye eye and depression

I too have lasik induced dry eyes. It started in Dec. 2003, and it has been terrible. Fortunatelly I found this forum and read the stories of so many others like me and that has helped me cope with my pain and anxiety. I went into terrible depression around Sept. 2004 until about Dec. 2005. I was having a hard time accepting my situation, I even had to go to a therapist . Finally acceptance came through and although I wish things were different I decided to live one day at the time

About the future, I try not to think about it too much. I read somewhere that many times we worry about things that may not come to pass, so I am hoping that being permanently disabled by DES will not be my case. I pray that soon someone will come up with the "solution" on how to manage our dry eyes. In the meantime I keep praying.

Thanks again for sharing your testimonies, they make a big difference to me.