Dry Eye and Depression

[Rebecca Petris]

Danny,

I think it is much preferable to get fitted before buying Panoptx glasses. There are one or two styles (like the Sirocco) which fit many types of faces well but I think that most of the styles are rather face-shape-specific.

To find a local dealer, go to this link: http://www.panoptx.com/dealerlist/find_a_dealer.htm and type in your zip code. Harley Davidson dealerships are a good place to start. They also have their own brand with a somewhat similar seal that you can try out.

Panoptx start at $85 for the fixed eyecup style in a baseline gray lens. Unfortunately the fixed eyecup styles are being phased out I think (they are only available in a black frame). The convertibles start at $115. Pricing from there is entirely dependent on lens types.

There are definitely cheaper options in wraparound eyewear (check out the wraparounds forum). I think that the Panoptx line is so popular because the Orbital Seal just does a better job than most of the other ones. - Personally I also use Wiley-X, which does not give as good protection but gives a larger field of vision - I am more comfortable driving with those than Panoptx. But for a windy day outside, that extra protection really counts.

[froniga]

I resonate with the depression this malady brings, it is so in your face you cannot escape. For me the night time is the hardest, and waking in the morning. Then I get a sense of dread as the next night approaches. One can feel at ones wits end. ey? It's been 10 months since I slept a full night or more than 2 hours at a time w/o needing drops due to the horrible discomfort. This sleep pattern leads to confusion and slipping into sleep during my days. The sleeplessness haunts the days and my performance. My eyes are not exactly nice to look at, I could scare little kids, I've become one of those stangers their parents warn them about.

Finding information here has given me new hope and I am putting these new techniques and remedies into practice.

I thank you all profoundly and send my best wishes to each and every sufferer.

I do know for myself a sense of humor (however dark) is a saving grace. If I get a belly laugh or two in each day it relieves the stress. Even if I'm in a great deal of confusion or pain I can find a wicked twist that gets me going. Sometimes it's a standup comedy routine going in my head as I stagger once more to put in the drops and snatch a few zzzzz'z before the Big Itchyscratchies start in again.

Gawd, it's 11:30pm I wonder if I can sleep propped up on a door tonight????

[Danny_]

I resonate with the depression this malady brings, it is so in your face you cannot escape. For me the night time is the hardest, and waking in the morning. Then I get a sense of dread as the next night approaches. One can feel at ones wits end. ey? It's been 10 months since I slept a full night or more than 2 hours at a time w/o needing drops due to the horrible discomfort. This sleep pattern leads to confusion and slipping into sleep during my days. The sleeplessness haunts the days and my performance. My eyes are not exactly nice to look at, I could scare little kids, I've become one of those stangers their parents warn them about.

Finding information here has given me new hope and I am putting these new techniques and remedies into practice.

I thank you all profoundly and send my best wishes to each and every sufferer.

I do know for myself a sense of humor (however dark) is a saving grace. If I get a belly laugh or two in each day it relieves the stress. Even if I'm in a great deal of confusion or pain I can find a wicked twist that gets me going. Sometimes it's a standup comedy routine going in my head as I stagger once more to put in the drops and snatch a few zzzzz'z before the Big Itchyscratchies start in again.

Gawd, it's 11:30pm I wonder if I can sleep propped up on a door tonight????

My dry eyes never affected my sleep and it is quite shocking to me to meet people who are suffering so badly from this thing. My condition has been restrictive but not completely debilitating like some on here. There are certain things I wasn't able to do that normal people take for granted; the worst for me was not being able to read for very long without pain. I am also not able to drink. Since I am still quite young, that was hard on me because you get excluded from the social because of it a bit. But, none of these things come close to the stuff you are going through. I have to admire the courage you show to keep fighting on.

[SusieD]

I know what you are saying about keeping doing the normal stuff but that is hard when you are in pain. The problem is that it makes you on edge and others don't understand it or even if they do, misery doesn't make for good company, unless of course the other person is miserable also.

That is spot on - it does make you on edge with people, most of the time - which is not good.

Anything that causes you to give up work is pretty damn serious in my book -whether it directly threatens your life or not.

I don't have an option of giving up work despite the fact its hellish at the moment because of my eyes. I work in a very dry environment in a hospital and can do nothing about that, then I have to come home and read for hours to keep up with the study. I cannot go back to my old job working with computers all day either. If I had to give up now - what kind of a future would I have?

As for goggles - great in theory, but no-one supplies them over here. Panoptix probably ships - but they have to be prescription lenses and I dont think they do that do they?

[Rebecca Petris]

As for goggles - great in theory, but no-one supplies them over here. Panoptix probably ships - but they have to be prescription lenses and I dont think they do that do they?

Panoptx do prescription lenses and they do ship overseas from their California facility. Last I checked they charge $45 for shipping. (We'll ship cheaper, but then we can't do Rx lenses.)

In addition, there is a dealer somewhat closer to home in Sweden - might be worth checking with them, although I would assume any Rx lenses would take a long time unless the dealer uses its own local lab or something. Go to this page for details (lower right).

[SusieD]

Thanks Rebecca - Ill look into it.

[Chris]

Regarding depression, the deeper and longer you have it, the more difficult it is to come out of it. I know, I had extreme depression after my eyes became dry and there was an even more serious problem with one eye. I'm an emotional person anyway and it took me a few years to come out of it.

But, in life, other things may happen to you, other than your eyes, that you will need to deal with and it helps to keep up your strength, mentally and physically -- Perhaps a death or illness in your family, loss of a job, or other physical problems you may have.

I am determined not to fall into a depression again like I did when my eyes went dry. Recently, I've had to deal with three major life changes for me. The most recent for me: being layed off from my job (which provides health insurance for my family) and dealing with a new part of my body being affected by my chronic myofascial pain (now it is in my feet, ankles and legs and I can't walk much and I rarely leave the house). Physical therapy will help, but I can't get in for a while.

I'm only 41 and I feel so old. Accepting my fate in life can be difficult and I have my hard times, but I cannot go back into my "dry eye" depression. I have two young children who need me. They can actually deal with my physical problems, but they can't deal with my emotional problems. So, I'll have to keep that in check.

Thanks again for letting me just clear the air. My husband doesn't want to hear about all my pain anymore and no one else understands. My mother is my cheerleader though. But she reminds me sometimes, that I will have to be strong, especially when it comes to her own death and how I'll deal with that.

Summer is here and all I can do is sit on the porch with my maximum of two glasses of wine and two large glasses of water (dry eyes won't let me drink any more) and take out from many places.

But, I wear my harley davidson goggles every moment I'm outside. Some people I know have never seen my eyes (they're not missing much).

Keep up your strength - exercise, good meals, vitamins and lots of water.

[Lucy]

Hi Chris-
Sorry to hear of your ongoing problems. It was courageous of you to post about how you're dealing with things. I've tried to suggest other times on this bb and perhaps others that "worse things WILL occur." I know if a person is young and have been suddenly hit with this, the feeling is devastating. With more life experience, we learn as we go. Dry eyes will not be the worst thing that will ever happen to anyone. No matter how bad your eyes are, you'll eventually have other stuff to deal with physically.

Grief is like depression. You'll know grief in the death of a parent, grandparent or really, really bad grief in the case of a child's death. Hopefully, it would be the death of a grandparent, parent and NOT a child's death. But as these things happen, somehow we manage to accommodate.

We have no other choice. I have not been deeply depressed with my surgery/eye situation. Cranky, ill, in pain, *itchy, but somehow managed to dodge the big depression. I'm sorry you're feeling "so old." I know you've grown a lot in a few years. You had no choice. Your advice:

Keep up your strength - exercise, good meals, vitamins and lots of water.

This is very important. More than most people know. I try to get some form of exercise most days. I've become very sedentary and that is not good. Being older than 41, , I have other problems to contend with and exercise is sometimes limited. I went to a park last night and walked with my radio headset. I walked at my own pace and actually enjoyed the walk. Should do it again today. Take care.

[neil0502]

Aw, Chris.

Like Lucy, I'm terribly sorry that you've not only gone through such a rough time, but are now finding out things that only make it worse.

I've been there. Probably others here have.

I only have one piece of (take-it-or-leave-it) advice for you: you said your mom is your best cheerleader ... which is excellent, but ... what I read in your post is that you don't necessarily have anybody who's making it part of their job to just take care of you.

I understand the "spouse doesn't want to hear it" thing. Many of us likely do. I also understand (I helped raise my wife's son for years) the whole "my kids need me. How can I need them??" issue.

But ... there HAS TO be something ... somebody just for you. Maybe it's a therapist (that's where my wife and I are right now and--joy of all joys--I think it's going somewhere good!). Maybe it's a clergy person. Maybe it's meditation. Maybe it IS just your mom.

But somebody. Somebody who will listen when you need to talk (or scream). Somebody who will support you when you need to cry. Somebody who asks nothing of you for that moment, but focuses on you.

I just turned 42 in May, so we're the same age. I, too, have had a couple of "slips" down a couple of "notches" in my years. They hurt. No doubt.

But don't be afraid to ask for help from people who are able to give it. Take good care of yourself ... and I hope your troubles lessen.

Neil

[SusieD]

I feel very down at times - but feel that somehow my feelings arent valid. I honestly lay awake at night thinking how would I cope if something else happens on top of this. Its not nice to have this constant 'worry' at the back of your mind - it starts to interfere with everything you do.

I would not see a doctor over depression though - Im not taking more tablets, yes thats just what I need!

[Chris]

Thanks for the support guys. I'll be seeing a "freelance" physical therapist tomorrow (and get some crutches) so my hopes are up that I'll be able to walk again without so much pain. But you know, at least I haven't thought about my eyes in about two months. Loudest pain wins.

Pain is very isolating. I'd like to find a support group for people who are in pain. I'm not always in constant bad pain, but it seems there's always something up with me. Of course, I used to be a weightlifter, windsurfer, type A personality. That's probably a good thing, I have a further way to fall.

Well, I guess I'll go sit on the couch again. I hope something good's on TV.

[Lucy]

To Chris

Chris-I think we need to talk about whats going on with you. I am very much interested. Will you email me? Phyllis

[neil0502]

Thanks for the support guys. I'll be seeing a "freelance" physical therapist tomorrow (and get some crutches) so my hopes are up that I'll be able to walk again without so much pain. But you know, at least I haven't thought about my eyes in about two months. Loudest pain wins.

When I was a kid (in MI), I'd get upper respiratory infections fairly frequently. Nothing seemed to rid them easily. My dad always joked, "Why not go run around in the snow. You'll get pneumonia, but ... at least they can CURE that"

Pain is very isolating.

Amen.

I used to be a weightlifter, windsurfer, type A personality. That's probably a good thing, I have a further way to fall.

I also relate to that. I have an impressive, long list of "used to be's."

BUT ... I look back on my life's accomplishments with some optimism that the same things that allowed me to achieve what I did ... are the things that will allow me to -- if not overcome these eye issues -- at least figure out some way to survive them with at least a hint of grace.

Years ago, I met a nurse. We talked at length about my struggles with eyeball crap and eyeball pain. It was at the time of the movie "The Scent of a Woman" (good one, incidentally, for us types). Rita's words to me? "You may NOT be able to live the extraordinary life that you dreamed about. You may wind up having to live an ordinary life in an extraordinary way."

I hated her for that ... if you know what I mean. But she was right, and--like most things where "letting go" is the answer--I wish I'd started down THAT path back then.

Letting go doesn't mean giving up. It just means learning to make a bit more peace with today. Not easy ... not at all ... but maybe important.

Well, I guess I'll go sit on the couch again. I hope something good's on TV.

For me, it's the floor ... and TiVo. I have a major love-hate relationship with the television. I'd rather read ... anything ... from cover to cover ... and then read it again.

Stay strong, Chris. Tap into those things that made you successful in all of those other endeavors.

Best,
Neil

[Rebecca Petris]

Pain is very isolating. I'd like to find a support group for people who are in pain.

Makes a lot of sense - and they surely exist. For an online support group, try http://www.chronicpainsupport.org/ (under the "Support" tab they have a link to the discussion boards). Also, can't remember if you've said you've already pursued this but perhaps local pain management clinics?

[Delilah]

Deep Depression from DES

Hello everyone, first I'd like to say I will pray for you Chris, I am deeply sorry your so depressed and going through so much. I just turned 30 but I all of a sudden got the dry eye 3 years ago. I was so depressed I even thought of suicide, I have a horrible fear of going blind too, especially when I wake up in the morning and I can't open my eyes, I have to find my way to the bathroom and pry them open to put drops in and remove these long, rubbery, stringy mucus strings from my eyes.

I was diagnosed with Severe Dry Eye, Lattice Degeneration and MGD, I am trying the Restasis for the 2nd time and this time Im doubling up on it. I take tons of vitamins drink tons of water and still my eyes do the good day bad day thing. I go through stages of depression, but for the most part I think of all the people with other ailements worse off than I. What keeps me from killing myself is thinking of how my mother hung herself in 1998, I had a family tragedy. My mother committed suicide, my two first cousins I grew up with Joe and Gabe only 17 and 21 also hung themselves the same year and my grandmother and grandfather died, all in 1998.

With that pain I vowed I would never committ suicide no matter how bad things get because its selfish and it leaves the ones you love behind and it's unfair, its the easy way out. So my depression comes and goes, but I wanted you to know that I know how you feel and I am sorry your in so much pain, hopefully your legs will get better so you can walk more. God Bless Luv D