Dry Eye and Depression

[mef]

depressed and anxious here

I'm still fairly new at this DES experience, but I can tell you it's been very depressing to me so far too....I'm also very anxious too - about the future health of my eyes, etc. I'm the major breadwinner in the family and I need my job (which involves a lot of computer use, plus a long commute to and from work)!

It's almost constantly on my mind - when I wake up in the a.m. and all throughout the day. It has really helped to be able to read all of the good information from all of you on this website, because many times family and friends just can't understand because they're not experiencing it firsthand.

We're all in this together!

[Peggy]

As I am reading this thread I find some comfort because the depression and anxiety that has erupted from my lasik surgery and complications is still not resolved and its been over a year. I came out a different person after that 10 minute surgery and I have overwhelming feelings of guilt and grieve for my old life and self. This was to be the best time of my life and at 53, I am scared for what the future will bring. My heart goes out to all you young ones dealing with the pain and frustration that sent you to this site. I am also overcorrected and in pain and each day is a struggle and look forward to hearing and reading what you all have to say and advise. Who could have guessed that we would be dealing with depression as a result of a surgery that says nothing about how will you feel if you dont get the results you are expecting. Who ever says on that pamphlet that dry eye can be painful or that overcorrection is one of the most difficult visual complications to adapt too. I respect all of you who keep on pushing through all of this because I know how difficult it is and how other people just do not understand because it is sometimes beyond explanation.
Well for some of you who I have corresponded with and for all of you who are reading this great thread,my son has bought his girl the ring and is going to ask her to marry him on their vacation in June so I have to get and feel better for this momentous occasion of his life. It will be easy for me now to take a back seat which is a good thing being the mother in law. The old Peggy would be making all kinds of suggestions and offering to do the centerpieces and so on. Thanks for all the uplifting and informative discussions and I think of all of you on a daily basis. I am glad I get to share with people who understand... Peggy

[Lucy]

Woohoo Peggy. You need to go shopping for a "Mother of the Groom Dress."

[SusieD]

I have to admit - first off when my eyes were really painful all day with no relief whatsoever, I seriously considered suicide. Of course I didnt even attempt it but thats how I felt because to me I had zero quality of life, nothing helped (still doesnt at times) and I had convinced myself I had 'ruined' my eyes and I would have to live like this forever and at the time I did not consider that to be an option.

I never talked about it with anyone at the time because the one occasion I did get upset in my GP's office he was very uncomfortable with it and looked at me like I was out of my mind. So after that I pretty much kept my despair to myself, then I found this site and it really does help to know that you're not out of your mind and there are many others who are going through or have gone through exactly the same kind of emotions. I know I can always come here if I need to have a rant or if Im panicking over something (again) there usually someone around who can talk me down. Which you need sometimes as its so easy to lose perspective.

[twist]

depression

SusieD.....I know exactly how you feel. This is horrible. I can no longer do most of the things I used to do with my friends......x wife did not understand it....x girlfriend...did not uderstand........and it is a very hard thing to explain in a way people understand. Just not as simple as putting a few drops in and getting by. Some days I don't know what to do. I am trying to get my mortgage paid off so if I can no longer work my current job, I'll at least not have many bills. I am also seriously considering moving to a remote caribbean island. The humidity there does great things for me......as long as no ceiling fans are air conditioning are present. Just not quite in the budget yet....but I am working on it. Nothing is fun to me any more....can't go to movies 'cause of air cirulation......can't drive too far..........all I can do is work outside and work up a good sweat.....best thing.

Oh well.....best of luck and hang in there.

[Dotanne]

I've just done a 12 k fast walk this morning (organised with spot prizes) and the exercise really helps.
I had Lasik in Oct 2004(aged 59) resulting in poor vision, dry eyes etc and I went into depression and anxiety mode for a year. SSRIs do not agree with me (I get worse). I fight to stay from being depressed but I know I could easily revert when my eyes are bad. I do feel if one can get on top of the depression it does help the dry eyes. I feel that I improved because I tried to do activities that took my mind off my eyes and really focused on something else that totally absorbed me. Not easy when I used to be an avid reader, knitter, piano teacher and gardener. I couldn't even garden happily after Lasik. I took up going to the gym, and walking but best of all I help voluntarily with children with literacy problems and special needs at our local primary school - just for a couple of hours a day in the morning. I made myself go there and I found a place where I was encouraged and made self-worthy- and the kids gave me lots of positive feed back and others, that were so difficult, kept me thinking all day about what I could do better for them. The teachers were so grateful that these kids could get some 'one to one' and in some cases it was relief for them(they were free of the class nuisance) and then they knew that I was getting that youngster to actually DO some work! I think doing that was a big help in getting me out of that 'pit'. I am now getting asked to do some private coaching(and getting paid). I also headed for company when I felt really bad - visited my elderly neighbour much more frequently. At night I would go into Dry Eye Zone (with a bottle of drops beside me - and we have a special screen cover) and that helped me cope with the evenings. I am fortunate that we are self-employed with a farming business (yep - all that close book work was a nightmare) and I could escape for a while.
I am finding my condition more manageable now and not as severe but if I don't follow all my procedures carefully or overdo it (like driving too far) I can slip back and suffer the consequences. I love my goggles!!
I set little goals now and have even been brave enough to book a holiday in North West Australia for us in July. I feel I can try to cope with the plane flight now. And I haven't cried from depression since last October!! I used to have terrible thoughts.
Do hang in there. I do feel for you all but I now have hope that I can have a life and surely they can do something that will give us dry eye people some relief!
God Bess you all
Dotanne

[Danny_]

I have to admit - first off when my eyes were really painful all day with no relief whatsoever, I seriously considered suicide. Of course I didnt even attempt it but thats how I felt because to me I had zero quality of life, nothing helped (still doesnt at times) and I had convinced myself I had 'ruined' my eyes and I would have to live like this forever and at the time I did not consider that to be an option.

I never talked about it with anyone at the time because the one occasion I did get upset in my GP's office he was very uncomfortable with it and looked at me like I was out of my mind. So after that I pretty much kept my despair to myself, then I found this site and it really does help to know that you're not out of your mind and there are many others who are going through or have gone through exactly the same kind of emotions. I know I can always come here if I need to have a rant or if Im panicking over something (again) there usually someone around who can talk me down. Which you need sometimes as its so easy to lose perspective.

Well, I know how that feels. Sometimes, I think dry eyes is worse than having cancer. I am not yet out of the woods but I am getting there thank god. The thing about Cancer is that everyone understands it. You say you have cancer and people are in shock and you get loads of sympathy (not that this is an invitation for God to give me cancer). You say that you have dry eyes to people and they think you are whining. People just don't know except for the ones that have suffered from this thing.

I feel like ten years have been robbed from me. Having a chronic disease and not much hope of a cure, not being able to read even for more than fiftheen minutes without pain. It's all so unfair. Why was I chosen for this is a question I often asked myself? If you are constantly in pain, you do ask yourself "What's the point of continuing", especially if you have no hope of that pain ever going away. I'd say not to give up except that I know that this would be nothing more than an empty meaningless clichee and the thought crossed my mind myself in the bad years also, although fleetingly, of possibly ending it although I never seriously considered doing it. I would be too much of a coward, afraid of what came after if anything. In any case, I hope things get better for you soon.

[Danny_]

I've just done a 12 k fast walk this morning (organised with spot prizes) and the exercise really helps.
I had Lasik in Oct 2004(aged 59) resulting in poor vision, dry eyes etc and I went into depression and anxiety mode for a year. SSRIs do not agree with me (I get worse). I fight to stay from being depressed but I know I could easily revert when my eyes are bad. I do feel if one can get on top of the depression it does help the dry eyes. I feel that I improved because I tried to do activities that took my mind off my eyes and really focused on something else that totally absorbed me. Not easy when I used to be an avid reader, knitter, piano teacher and gardener. I couldn't even garden happily after Lasik. I took up going to the gym, and walking but best of all I help voluntarily with children with literacy problems and special needs at our local primary school - just for a couple of hours a day in the morning. I made myself go there and I found a place where I was encouraged and made self-worthy- and the kids gave me lots of positive feed back and others, that were so difficult, kept me thinking all day about what I could do better for them. The teachers were so grateful that these kids could get some 'one to one' and in some cases it was relief for them(they were free of the class nuisance) and then they knew that I was getting that youngster to actually DO some work! I think doing that was a big help in getting me out of that 'pit'. I am now getting asked to do some private coaching(and getting paid). I also headed for company when I felt really bad - visited my elderly neighbour much more frequently. At night I would go into Dry Eye Zone (with a bottle of drops beside me - and we have a special screen cover) and that helped me cope with the evenings. I am fortunate that we are self-employed with a farming business (yep - all that close book work was a nightmare) and I could escape for a while.
I am finding my condition more manageable now and not as severe but if I don't follow all my procedures carefully or overdo it (like driving too far) I can slip back and suffer the consequences. I love my goggles!!
I set little goals now and have even been brave enough to book a holiday in North West Australia for us in July. I feel I can try to cope with the plane flight now. And I haven't cried from depression since last October!! I used to have terrible thoughts.
Do hang in there. I do feel for you all but I now have hope that I can have a life and surely they can do something that will give us dry eye people some relief!
God Bess you all
Dotanne

I also believe that excercise helps but I was shot down in my first post for saying so and will say no more about it. I would have to get myself some goggles to verify that it wasn't the wind but I amn't going to do that as I would look like like a lunatic running along with goggles on.

[Lucy]

Hi Danny. We really are here to help each other. Why do you think you'd look like a lunatic "running around with goggles on?" I'm female and my appearance is very important to me. However, my life and the way I hope to live it is even more important to me. I need to wear goggles. Period. I need to wear them outside if I go to the mailbox. I need to wear them in the mall and the grocery store. I even wear them when I go to a casino! Especially there!

About 4 years ago, I participated in an annual bridge walk in Michigan on Labor Day. It is a yearly event when thousands of people walk this 5 mile span of bridge between the upper and lower peninsula of Michigan. I only had my small wire-framed RX glasses for protection. It happened that particular day that 50 mph winds pounded the area. Walkers were walking full force into the wind. My friend and I were going back to her house about an hour away and I was visiting. About 20 minutes on our way back to her house, I felt what felt like an explosion in one eye. I thought an insect or perhaps one of my 4 punctal plugs moved and was imbedded in my eye. I told her to keep going, but to go to the ER. The wind had literally blown my cornea to mishmash during that 2 hour ordeal. I did not feel it until afterwards. As soon as I got home a couple of days later, I invested in a pair of wraparound glasses. At $500 with my RX, they ain't cheap. But, I learned my lesson. More recently, I lost those glasses on a trip up north.

I have since invested in Panoptx goggles with my RX, even progressive bifocals and removable foam. I wear them anywhere and everywhere. Anything I can do to prevent abrasions, I'll do. But, I don't think I look like a loon. Maybe a little weird, but so what? No one cares. They are concerned with what they look like. How about people who must wear hearing aids? Others need oxygen to navigate. Sure, they may care about how they look, but what's more important is they are partipating in life.

As a mature female with some other health issues, I do all I can to try and exercise. Water aerobics, which is great for dry eyes! Very moist atmosphere.

Danny said to another poster:

Well, I know how that feels. Sometimes, I think dry eyes is worse than having cancer. I am not yet out of the woods but I am getting there thank god. The thing about Cancer is that everyone understands it. You say you have cancer and people are in shock and you get loads of sympathy (not that this is an invitation for God to give me cancer). You say that you have dry eyes to people and they think you are whining. People just don't know except for the ones that have suffered from this thing.

Danny, if you think dry eyes is worse than having cancer, I can't understand it. Dry eyes will not kill you. We all only wish the best for you and all of us.
We all know about the trouble of dry eyes. I had to quit working because of it. I'm still alive and functioning, though.

[Danny_]

Hi Danny. We really are here to help each other. Why do you think you'd look like a lunatic "running around with goggles on?" I'm female and my appearance is very important to me. However, my life and the way I hope to live it is even more important to me. I need to wear goggles. Period. I need to wear them outside if I go to the mailbox. I need to wear them in the mall and the grocery store. I even wear them when I go to a casino! Especially there!

About 4 years ago, I participated in an annual bridge walk in Michigan on Labor Day. It is a yearly event when thousands of people walk this 5 mile span of bridge between the upper and lower peninsula of Michigan. I only had my small wire-framed RX glasses for protection. It happened that particular day that 50 mph winds pounded the area. Walkers were walking full force into the wind. My friend and I were going back to her house about an hour away and I was visiting. About 20 minutes on our way back to her house, I felt what felt like an explosion in one eye. I thought an insect or perhaps one of my 4 punctal plugs moved and was imbedded in my eye. I told her to keep going, but to go to the ER. The wind had literally blown my cornea to mishmash during that 2 hour ordeal. I did not feel it until afterwards. As soon as I got home a couple of days later, I invested in a pair of wraparound glasses. At $500 with my RX, they ain't cheap. But, I learned my lesson. More recently, I lost those glasses on a trip up north.

I have since invested in Panoptx goggles with my RX, even progressive bifocals and removable foam. I wear them anywhere and everywhere. Anything I can do to prevent abrasions, I'll do. But, I don't think I look like a loon. Maybe a little weird, but so what? No one cares. They are concerned with what they look like. How about people who must wear hearing aids? Others need oxygen to navigate. Sure, they may care about how they look, but what's more important is they are partipating in life.

As a mature female with some other health issues, I do all I can to try and exercise. Water aerobics, which is great for dry eyes! Very moist atmosphere.

Danny said to another poster:


Danny, if you think dry eyes is worse than having cancer, I can't understand it. Dry eyes will not kill you. We all only wish the best for you and all of us.
We all know about the trouble of dry eyes. I had to quit working because of it. I'm still alive and functioning, though.

Geez, that is horrible and I don't blame you for wearing goggles. I suppose that I just don't want to look different and I don't have to as I am not as severe a case . But, you are right. It isn't the end of the world.
As for the comparison to cancer, being in pain all the time isn't much of a life and while it can't kill you, it can make you so miserable that you kill yourself. That's the problem with any chronic disease that has no cure but having one in your eyes is probably about the worst one possible as it is so restrictive. You use your eyes for everything.

[Lucy]

Danny, I've been living in "intense pain" from dry eyes and other eye problems for almost 7 years. I have never wanted to kill myself. I do understand, however, that others have had this feeling. I have days where I just mostly stay in bed and on the couch with the room dark. I have icepacks for my eyes when they are extra bad. If you think wearing goggles is bad, try doing anything while holding an icebag over one eye. Do I care what I look like. Yes, I do. But, I need to do as much as I can. Today my husband and I are headed on an overnight trip. We;re going to a smoky, nasty casino. (This won't surprise people who know me.) I will be wearing my goggles. I will look weird, but mostly to me. No one else seems to care very much. I know only too well that we use our eyes for everything. I, along with many others, are living with this stuff. It is a struggle most days. We work, we take care of children, we buy groceries, go to the beach, we exercise, go for walks. We must keep doing normal things as much as possible. Our friends and family deserve us to be as much as we can. We deserve to be as much as we can.

I don't by any means to have you think I have it worse than everyone. Not at all. We have problems by varying degrees. Mine has been going on a long time and my vision isn't good. I can no longer work at my job as a secretary. I can, however, swim, clean house, cook (but my husband does), go shopping, visit friends, go to a movie. I can talk on the phone. I can do a bit of gardening. I can go to a casino. I'm always wearing large, hard contact lens with goggles or big glasses OR Panoptx goggles with prescription. Always with lots of drops and other eye paraphenalia with me. Do I like it? No, I don't. But, that's what we do. Now, scuze me, I have to pack my swim suit and an overnight bad. Besides my swim suit, my most important item(s) to remember are my eye crap. I'll let ya know if I win.

If you seriously ever think of suicide because of your pain and/or your eye conditions, you need to talk with someone NOW and get a perspective to help you deal. You said you guessed your case wasn't as bad as mine, but its not worth it to live like this. Please know we are your friends.

Lucy

[Rebecca Petris]

Danny,

I always thought that "goggles" were for the folks with severe dry eye - not me! It was a place I just thought I didn't want to go. I wasn't even so much concerned about the cosmetic part as that I never thought I was in that "class" of dry eye pain.

Last summer the Panoptx rep sent me a pair. I finally tried them out. What a difference - I mean instant difference. Now, I don't go outside without them. The amazing thing was that I never realized how much I was AVOIDING some activities because of eye discomfort.

As for looks, I don't even think of these as "goggles". My husband, who does not have dry eye, has 3 pairs and loves them. My brother is a biker and when I got him a pair recently he found them to be the very best biking glasses he'd ever had.

I am really sorry you're in such a hard place with this Danny. I want to echo Phyllis' advice about seeking help when you're in a really tough place emotionally. It is important for us all to recognize and deal with the deeper impact of this chronic disease in our lives, not just our eyes.

[Danny_]

Lucy,

Thanks for the concern and don't worry. I never have thought seriously about ending it. But I was on the way there I believe if I had not found a solution to my problem. I am fine now and hopeful again but all I was trying to say is that, having suffered as I have, for ten years, I would UNDERSTAND it if somebody did commit suicide.

Religious beliefs aside, it becomes a rational choice when the pain reaches a level that makes you feel like you have nothing to live for. This can occur only if there is no hope of a cure. In my case, after ten years, I believe I have found one but I notice that many people on here are worse off than me.

I have to say that I am seriously considering goggles though for outdoor activities if they don't look too stupid because I have an overflow problem now and my eyes tear a lot when it is windy. I know what you are saying about keeping doing the normal stuff but that is hard when you are in pain. The problem is that it makes you on edge and others don't understand it or even if they do, misery doesn't make for good company, unless of course the other person is miserable also.

But, I really should not complain as my case is nothing compared to most of what people on here seem to be going through with this thing. All I really want is to live a normal life but for some reason, that possibility was denied to me.

Have fun at the casino and try not to lose too much!

[Danny_]

Danny,

I always thought that "goggles" were for the folks with severe dry eye - not me! It was a place I just thought I didn't want to go. I wasn't even so much concerned about the cosmetic part as that I never thought I was in that "class" of dry eye pain.

Last summer the Panoptx rep sent me a pair. I finally tried them out. What a difference - I mean instant difference. Now, I don't go outside without them. The amazing thing was that I never realized how much I was AVOIDING some activities because of eye discomfort.

As for looks, I don't even think of these as "goggles". My husband, who does not have dry eye, has 3 pairs and loves them. My brother is a biker and when I got him a pair recently he found them to be the very best biking glasses he'd ever had.

I am really sorry you're in such a hard place with this Danny. I want to echo Phyllis' advice about seeking help when you're in a really tough place emotionally. It is important for us all to recognize and deal with the deeper impact of this chronic disease in our lives, not just our eyes.

I just had a look at the Panoptx site. Some of the glasses look nice and my sunglasses don't block out the wind. It gets in the side so it might be worth trying. They are pretty darn expensive though by the looks of things. I like that they wrap completely around your eyes though but at the same time don't look like goggles.

[Danny_]

Actually, they aren't to bad. Only $100 for one of the pairs. I prefer to try sun glasses before I buy them though. Is there any store I can go to and try them on first? I don't like buying stuff like this online.