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I NEVER WANTED A STORY TO TELL
I have extreme LASIK-induced dry eyes. I wear air-tight goggles in my house, in my car and outside. I avoid public places, and shy away from social gatherings. The moving air of shopping malls and grocery stores intensifies my constantly burning eyes. I am terribly sensitive to sunlight, even with tinted goggles. Dry eye pain and burning wake me in the middle of every single night. I can no longer read or watch TV for pleasure.
I am living a crisis, and have only managed the outcome of my LASIK surgery with the support of my family, friends, the grace of God and my inner strength.
I never wanted a “story” to tell. My 30 something years had always gone reasonably smoothly for me. My general health had also always been good. For these blessings I was grateful and still am. The icing was the most loving and understanding husband a woman could want, and two beautiful children who by far have brought me more joy than anything else in this world could ever touch. But I do have a story to tell, and I want people to know it.
It’s amazing to me that the account of a simple, twenty-minute LASIK procedure should be preceded by such profound words and deep reflection. The surgery was supposed to simplify things for me. I would be able to take my children to the pool and not concern myself with water spots on my glasses. I could hold my babies without the worry of little hands pulling eyeglass frames off my face and sending them across the room. My reasons for LASIK were even as elementary as just seeing my clock in the middle of the night, and identifying scattered toys in the hallway when a sick child called for me in the night.
I list all of these logical reasons for choosing LASIK for my own therapeutic benefits. It’s a good reminder. I avoid recalling the more selfish reason I had for seeking LASIK: I was self-conscious about my appearance and simply didn’t want to wear glasses any more.
My yearning to be free from eyeglasses started in high school. Soft contact lenses served my quite well for a while, and for that I was grateful. They made life easier for me. I found caring for them a privilege more than a chore, and was stringent about their treatment. Still, in time protein buildup from daily wear and heat disinfecting did their damage. I landed a case of giant papillary conjunctivitis (GPC) and was out of contacts for years.
Later in college I did manage to get in another two or so years of contact lens wear. Finally, I developed an intolerance to them after a severe head cold. This also coincided with a change in prescription that required a thicker, toric lens.
For the next decade I accepted my fate and knew well to be grateful for my gift of vision, as well as the timing of my existence. How did the nearsighted population cope before the invention of eyeglasses? I suppose I would have attached myself to a “hunter” and myself handled the close-up chores. My prescription was roughly –6.75 in both eyes, add a bit of astigmatism. There wasn’t much to see without my glasses.
I experimented unsuccessfully with contacted lenses during annual eye exams. Several doctors I had seen over the years were very willing to work with finding me a tolerable lens. I would wear a sample pair out of the office only to peel them off my miserable eyes when I returned home. I did, in fact, wear a sample pair of contacts on my wedding day. I endured an entire day of itching, burning and poor vision just to avoid wearing glasses on that day.
So I had built my case for LASIK. Multiple optometrists told me that I was an excellent candidate for the surgery. Looking back, I find this outlandish since contact lens intolerance is a symptom of dry eye, and is a contraindication in LASIK surgery. The paradox, of course, is the fact that many people seek LASIK because they cannot tolerate contact lenses. But the thought remained in the back of my mind for years that LASIK was something I may do when the time was right.
My husband and I discussed the possibility of my having LASIK surgery every time a friend of ours would report his or her success. I started to get serious about it. Financially it was finally feasible, and the technology was there. Why wait for something better; something better was finally here.
I sought out two LASIK surgeons with good reputations in town. Those LASIK facilities touting “pay for one eye, get the other free” were avoided. I would not be persuaded by techniques reserved for used car sales. Nor would I buy based on price. These were my eyes, my vision and I cared about them.
The doctor I chose was the most expensive in town. He was well-respected and not the local television LASIK “hot-shot”. The surgeon I’d chosen was the very one who’d performed my own optometrist’s LASIK surgery. My LASIK doctor assured me the surgery was safe. The video I was shown in his office explained that the laser used surgery would need to pulse 200 times just to penetrate the human hair. The procedure was done on the surface of the eye, and certainly looked harmless and not terribly invasive.
I have extreme LASIK-induced dry eyes. I wear air-tight goggles in my house, in my car and outside. I avoid public places, and shy away from social gatherings. The moving air of shopping malls and grocery stores intensifies my constantly burning eyes. I am terribly sensitive to sunlight, even with tinted goggles. Dry eye pain and burning wake me in the middle of every single night. I can no longer read or watch TV for pleasure.
I am living a crisis, and have only managed the outcome of my LASIK surgery with the support of my family, friends, the grace of God and my inner strength.
I never wanted a “story” to tell. My 30 something years had always gone reasonably smoothly for me. My general health had also always been good. For these blessings I was grateful and still am. The icing was the most loving and understanding husband a woman could want, and two beautiful children who by far have brought me more joy than anything else in this world could ever touch. But I do have a story to tell, and I want people to know it.
It’s amazing to me that the account of a simple, twenty-minute LASIK procedure should be preceded by such profound words and deep reflection. The surgery was supposed to simplify things for me. I would be able to take my children to the pool and not concern myself with water spots on my glasses. I could hold my babies without the worry of little hands pulling eyeglass frames off my face and sending them across the room. My reasons for LASIK were even as elementary as just seeing my clock in the middle of the night, and identifying scattered toys in the hallway when a sick child called for me in the night.
I list all of these logical reasons for choosing LASIK for my own therapeutic benefits. It’s a good reminder. I avoid recalling the more selfish reason I had for seeking LASIK: I was self-conscious about my appearance and simply didn’t want to wear glasses any more.
My yearning to be free from eyeglasses started in high school. Soft contact lenses served my quite well for a while, and for that I was grateful. They made life easier for me. I found caring for them a privilege more than a chore, and was stringent about their treatment. Still, in time protein buildup from daily wear and heat disinfecting did their damage. I landed a case of giant papillary conjunctivitis (GPC) and was out of contacts for years.
Later in college I did manage to get in another two or so years of contact lens wear. Finally, I developed an intolerance to them after a severe head cold. This also coincided with a change in prescription that required a thicker, toric lens.
For the next decade I accepted my fate and knew well to be grateful for my gift of vision, as well as the timing of my existence. How did the nearsighted population cope before the invention of eyeglasses? I suppose I would have attached myself to a “hunter” and myself handled the close-up chores. My prescription was roughly –6.75 in both eyes, add a bit of astigmatism. There wasn’t much to see without my glasses.
I experimented unsuccessfully with contacted lenses during annual eye exams. Several doctors I had seen over the years were very willing to work with finding me a tolerable lens. I would wear a sample pair out of the office only to peel them off my miserable eyes when I returned home. I did, in fact, wear a sample pair of contacts on my wedding day. I endured an entire day of itching, burning and poor vision just to avoid wearing glasses on that day.
So I had built my case for LASIK. Multiple optometrists told me that I was an excellent candidate for the surgery. Looking back, I find this outlandish since contact lens intolerance is a symptom of dry eye, and is a contraindication in LASIK surgery. The paradox, of course, is the fact that many people seek LASIK because they cannot tolerate contact lenses. But the thought remained in the back of my mind for years that LASIK was something I may do when the time was right.
My husband and I discussed the possibility of my having LASIK surgery every time a friend of ours would report his or her success. I started to get serious about it. Financially it was finally feasible, and the technology was there. Why wait for something better; something better was finally here.
I sought out two LASIK surgeons with good reputations in town. Those LASIK facilities touting “pay for one eye, get the other free” were avoided. I would not be persuaded by techniques reserved for used car sales. Nor would I buy based on price. These were my eyes, my vision and I cared about them.
The doctor I chose was the most expensive in town. He was well-respected and not the local television LASIK “hot-shot”. The surgeon I’d chosen was the very one who’d performed my own optometrist’s LASIK surgery. My LASIK doctor assured me the surgery was safe. The video I was shown in his office explained that the laser used surgery would need to pulse 200 times just to penetrate the human hair. The procedure was done on the surface of the eye, and certainly looked harmless and not terribly invasive.
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