My fears [TRIGGER WARNING]

[epicjinx]

had no clue where to put this, so I figured this is part of my story...let’s talk about that.

I know now that I’m feeling very good right now, not perfect by any means, but I’m getting along fine. My fear is for my future. I cam barely enjoy how I feel because I know, inevitably, this problem will return. I would like to believe that treating the apnea’s will fix my condition. Even if it does, will that make me perfect again? Of course not. I can only hope to function well. I’ll never have my old eyes back. Even now that I’m good, I realize there’s this background noise of my eyes talking to me. I never had that before, none of us did I assume.

I fear the future. Less than before thankfully, because I feel like I have some options. However, when I went to get my pressure checked today, my corneal specialist was intrigued to find out I was using heparin. However, he said something that alarmed me because I believe its true. He said, well let’s see how long the heparin works. I guess In the back of my mind I knew the heparin wouldn’t help forever. But hearing that just brought it to my attention.

Even if im ok for a year, two years, ten years...eventually, my eyes will break down again. I’d like to say im hopeful for medicine to learn more, to help us, but I’m not. If you go back 10+ years on the site, you see people like ourselves in the early 2000s saying, man, I can’t wait for the medicine and techniques available 10-20 years from now.

Well, we’re here, and what do we have now? I probably wouldn’t accurately list all the advancements in dry eye. But one thing is certain, very few doctors have this information. Even if there are advancements, it seems no one can find a doctor to offer the treatments. We’re all sitting here spinning our wheels all day about lipiflow, IPL, manual expression, probing, etc. Most doctors don’t know when/how to accurately apply these techniques. My disease for example presents as advanced MGD. But if you tried treating me for that, all of your attempts would fail. Because we’re not treating the cause of the MGD.

Im going to ramble a bit...

I also personally fear my treatments. I know that steroids are the only thing that really help me. I’m assuming when I come off, things will get worse. I missed my steroids one day and my right eye flared by 4pm.

im mentally ill and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to treat it. This post is a clear example of my mental illness. I’m in constant fear. I now know, that if things get hard, I will always turn toward suicide. I am certain I will end my own life one day. I can’t cope with anything. I mean, how many people do you think have bad dry eyes? And how many people are on this site? The numbers are wayyyy off. So are we here because we just can’t cope? Is our disease just that much worse than everyone else’s? I’m inclined to believe the former rather than the latter. So how do I get past that? My mental llness won’t allow me to take the drug I need to feel better.

my daughter woke up, I’ll be back....

Hi just to inform you one company is focusing on mgds root problem dysfunctional glands. Look up azura they are creating a product that will help millions trials are in Australia at the moment but hopefully after itll spread everywhere. I hope it gives you some hope. Also there is another Australian research group who has now been able to tell the precise molecules of the oil layer (from what I read). I made a post about research on mgd. Just to make you aware some people are trying to help us mgd sufferers. I also have it but I just wanted to share some hope with you.

please do not attempt suicide.... it gets you no where. Trust me- im a survivor i put myself in hospital due to an overdose. It only gave me regret for doing it, and blood clotting problems and I did have stomach problems for alot of the time. Its not the answer. Please pm me if you need- i know I've been snappy before im sorry just had difficulty myself too. But of all do not do it if you need to rant just pm me. I'll do my best to listen or go speak to a gp about your thoughts. This disease is hard, but slowly they are getting there. Many of us have spent money. There's a petition ongoing but I dont know what's happening to it as none of the listed people the petition was sent to have replied.

had no clue where to put this, so I figured this is part of my story...let’s talk about that.

I know now that I’m feeling very good right now, not perfect by any means, but I’m getting along fine. My fear is for my future. I cam barely enjoy how I feel because I know, inevitably, this problem will return. I would like to believe that treating the apnea’s will fix my condition. Even if it does, will that make me perfect again? Of course not. I can only hope to function well. I’ll never have my old eyes back. Even now that I’m good, I realize there’s this background noise of my eyes talking to me. I never had that before, none of us did I assume.

I fear the future. Less than before thankfully, because I feel like I have some options. However, when I went to get my pressure checked today, my corneal specialist was intrigued to find out I was using heparin. However, he said something that alarmed me because I believe its true. He said, well let’s see how long the heparin works. I guess In the back of my mind I knew the heparin wouldn’t help forever. But hearing that just brought it to my attention.

Even if im ok for a year, two years, ten years...eventually, my eyes will break down again. I’d like to say im hopeful for medicine to learn more, to help us, but I’m not. If you go back 10+ years on the site, you see people like ourselves in the early 2000s saying, man, I can’t wait for the medicine and techniques available 10-20 years from now.

Well, we’re here, and what do we have now? I probably wouldn’t accurately list all the advancements in dry eye. But one thing is certain, very few doctors have this information. Even if there are advancements, it seems no one can find a doctor to offer the treatments. We’re all sitting here spinning our wheels all day about lipiflow, IPL, manual expression, probing, etc. Most doctors don’t know when/how to accurately apply these techniques. My disease for example presents as advanced MGD. But if you tried treating me for that, all of your attempts would fail. Because we’re not treating the cause of the MGD.

Im going to ramble a bit...

I also personally fear my treatments. I know that steroids are the only thing that really help me. I’m assuming when I come off, things will get worse. I missed my steroids one day and my right eye flared by 4pm.

im mentally ill and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to treat it. This post is a clear example of my mental illness. I’m in constant fear. I now know, that if things get hard, I will always turn toward suicide. I am certain I will end my own life one day. I can’t cope with anything. I mean, how many people do you think have bad dry eyes? And how many people are on this site? The numbers are wayyyy off. So are we here because we just can’t cope? Is our disease just that much worse than everyone else’s? I’m inclined to believe the former rather than the latter. So how do I get past that? My mental llness won’t allow me to take the drug I need to feel better.

my daughter woke up, I’ll be back....